김 미 승 Kimbolee's Life

My 2nd Labor of Love

2012-02-10T08:51:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow, February 11th will be the day my son turns 18. So here is what I wrote about his 'birth' day:

Raising a baby is not easy. Especially when the baby has colic from 6pm-10pm on a daily basis and your husband now works in Minnesota for God knows how long in the dead of winter. We made the most of it and temporarily moved our little family and dog up to Minnesota. Luckily we had my in laws to watch our brand new house for us while we were gone. It was a six month adventure that we enjoyed and treasure the memories to this day.

My husband's job situation changed since we knew him working out of town was not working for us. He was finally able to find a job in Omaha. Who knew a year and half later, we would move to San Antonio, Texas!

We settled into our new home in Texas. I was able to get into a routine of working out and my husband's company was just a mile from our house. So now that we were settled, how about baby number 2? I wasn't ready mentally and I was just getting my pre pregnancy body back. It was too soon. But we didn't wait too long, we were expecting again in February 1994.

This time I read the pregnancy test myself, then left a note for my husband with the riddle: Roses are red, violets can be pink, what would you think if this time is was pink? (As in the color of the positive test reading.)

We went thru the usual doctor visits and sonograms. The one sonogram where you can see the sex of the baby, the technician asked us if we wanted to know, we both said no. At the end of the session, she asked us again and I told her I already knew. My husband was shocked that I already knew. So I told him, it was only fair.

My husband was still in shock when we got into to car, we were expecting a boy! He even started to cry, such a softy. He got nervous tho, he wasn't sure how to raise a boy, he was used to raising a girl! I told him it would all be ok, he would just have different body parts!

The morning of my checkup, the doctor sent me into have another ultra sound because my stomach was not measuring the same as the week I was pregnant. Wanted to make sure the baby had enough room! I went for the sonogram, the technician measured points here and there and told me the baby was about 5.6 lbs and that I should probably add another two weeks to my due date. Alrighty then!

That night, around 2:00am, I began having tightness in my abdomen area, I chalked it up to braxton hicks because I have had them before and plus, now I had another month till I was due! Needless to say, I was awake the rest of the night with these braxton hicks until 6:00am and I had the proof that I was actually in labor. I let my husband sleep until 7:00am then woke him up and told him I was in labor. Good morning!! We took our daughter to a friend's house and got to the hospital by 8:00am.

Get the epidural going! I had a great doctor and she was very much on my side about the epidural...but the nurses had a tough time getting the I.V. started. After two tries in both arms, the I.V. was started and now came the epidural. I was laying on my right side when the doctor asked me if the epidural was kicking in, I really had no idea since I had never had one. She told me to roll over onto my left side, so I did, she checked me out and wa-la! I was ready to deliver! After the first push, I could no longer tell how hard I was pushing because of the epidural so I gave it all I had and out came our son at 10:11am! Quick delivery huh!

I looked at him and said, 'He doesn't look like he only weighs 5.6 lbs and sure enough, he weighed 7.8 lbs...um big difference! My body must stop 'cooking' at this weight as my daughter weighed 7.8 1/2 lbs at birth and she was two weeks late.

I thought my daughter looked like me when she was born, my son looked more like my husband. Funny how life works.

I am so proud of my son, he is a very nice and sensitive person, has grown to be 6' 1" which is shocking to all of us since I am so short. It's been a joy to have such a wonderful son!!

I love you Taylor James Hanson!!! Happy Birthday!

My Labor of Love

2012-01-19T15:27:00.000-06:00

At this time, almost 21 years ago, my hubby and I had just finished watching the movie, "Awakenings". I was pregnant with our first baby and I was due anyday now. I began feeling a little tightness in my belly, I thought it was gas due to eating popcorn and Good and Plenty candy, great combo huh? By the time we got home after visiting my inlaws, I was still feeling the gas pains. I told my hubby about them and we just laughed them off.

Soon it was dinner time so my hubby drove to Amigo's to get dinner, I was hungry! When he got home, I told him I thought the gas pains could possibly be labor pains. I think he was in shock. He asked me if I still wanted to eat the ood, of course, I was hungry! Plus, who doesn't want to eat Mexican food while in labor? While we were eating, the labor pains continued to come so I ate between the pains. Hubby was not happy with that idea, he was getting pretty nervous.

After we ate, we decided to really keep track of the labor pains to see if they would be consistent. We had no idea what we were to expect since this was our first baby. Finally, after the pains were coming in five minute intervals, hubby called the doctor's office. The nurse asked if we were sure that I was in labor...we didn't know, this was our first baby! But then I had been in the bathroom and sure enough, I had a sign, I WAS in labor! We grabbed the packed overnight bag and headed to the hospital. We got to the hospital around 8:00pm.

Upon checking into the maternity ward, we figured out we didn't bring the paperwork we had at home we were to bring to the hospital with us. How the heck were we to remember all of this stuff! So we called my inlaws, told them where the papers were and if they could bring them to the hospital. I got all hooked up to the machine and got checked out. The nurse asked me what and if I had eaten anything and when. When I told her I had Mexican food and two hours earlier, she didn't look too happy with me. Oh well, I was hungry and you don't want to try and stop a hungry pregnant lady!

A couple of hours had passed and it was 10:00pm. The nurses told my inlaws they should go home since this was my first baby and I probably wouldn't deliver until the morning. So they went home. I was still having labor pains as we watched Saturday Night Live. But soon the labor pains became stronger and hurt more so the nurse gave me stadol. What a great feeling that was, I wasn't feeling any pain and the nurse asked me how I was doing and I said, "If having a baby feels like this, I could have a baby everyday!" Yeah, that was the drug talking. About an hour later, I was feeling the pain again. I wanted an epidural. The nurse talked me out of it and said I did so well with the stadol, let's try that again, so I did. Nothing, nada, zippo, I was still feeling the pain and I told hubby I really wanted the epidural. No nurse could be found. I think I turned into the exorcist by this time and TOLD hubby to GET THE NURSE NOW. He went to the nurses' station and told the nurses I was really needing the epidural.

The nurse finally came in to check me out to prep for the epidural. Of course, I was already too far along and was too late to get an epidural. She would need to call the doctor now and that we should call my inlaws to come back, it was close to midnight. So the on call doctor came into my room, he still had his parka on, slapped on a glove and examined me. Sure enough, I was ready to deliver!

At 1:09am, my beautiful daughter was born! She was the first girl in the family on hubby's side, everyone was thrilled!! I can't believe my baby girl will be 21 years old...wow! Time has gone by so fast and she has grown into a beautiful young woman. Now that we know she is of legal age, do we have to worry more??? Oh lord, I'd better be prepared for more grey hair...

Happy Birthday to my beautiful baby girl, Erika!!! I love you! I'm so proud to be your mom!!

After Holiday Blues?

2012-01-07T19:29:00.000-06:00

I am feeling off right now, I have for a few days. I can't put my finger on it. I love Christmas. I love looking at all the decorations. My mom and sister decorate my house as they have an eye for it. Here's one tree that is in my living room:

This is our front entry tree:

The tree in the kitchen leading into the three season room:

I loved having all of these decorations in my house. We also had a tree in the basement, the kids' yearly ornament tree. Once the big office party was over, the next day meant it was time to put away all the decorations. I wasn't liking that at all. Now my house looks so boring and naked! Every time I would walk into the living room, I would be shocked by how bare it was. You would have thought I was used to it by the next day, but I wasn't, it just really hit me this year.

In Korea, I wasn't as vocal as I used to be either. I'm not sure why, maybe because I hadn't been back there in two years, but still, I don't change my personality for anything or anyone. The Gift Team trip is always an emotional trip, maybe this time it really got to me without me knowing it? I feel like I'm missing something or something is undone...

I've been listening to more music lately too, which is very unlike me. I even bought some music from iTunes and I don't like to spend money like that! Every song I listen to, I feel very sentimental and some of the songs are up beat, not all slow songs which I usually like. Today, as I was preparing my daughter and husband's birthday dinner, which took all day...one song was blasting from my iPad and my husband happened to come upstairs at that moment and one look at him and I hugged him and started crying.

I don't know what is going on, I've always been very emotional and can cry at anything, but this feeling is different...

Bring it on 2012!

2012-01-05T09:43:00.001-06:00

I can't believe it is now the year 2012. I can't believe how time goes by so fast nowadays...with that, I know I will do everything possible to make it a great year. I want to travel the world more, I want to do more random acts of kindness, I want to see more people be happy.

These are not my New Year's resolutions, I don't make them. I just do whatever happens to catch my fancy at the moment. I hope all of you reading will do the same. I wish you all happiness, contentment, and peacefulness within yourselves.

Our Christmas Letter to Everyone

2011-12-24T07:51:00.000-06:00

A Very Beanie Christmas 2011

Merry Christmas to all!!!! Let me introduce myself, my name is Bean.

I am five months old and a toy Pom. You can also call me Beaner, Beano, Beanster, Sir Bean of Beanington, well you get the point! I am the star of a daily pictorial on Facebook (should be called Dogbook!) so if you would like to follow me, you can find me under my mom, Kim Anderson Hanson and the theme is “The Daily Bean”.

I have a unique view of the world because I am 7 inches tall. I live with this great family, the Hanson’s. My primary “owner” is a wonderful girl named Kora. She has pictures of this Justin Bieber kid on every wall! She is so nice. Because of her I know how to sit, shake, switch paws, lie down and sometimes roll over. I also get to pick her up from 8^th grade. She is very busy after school and I don’t get to see her all the time because she is a competitive cheerleader for Elite Cheer. I know this because I like to chew all the workout clothes on her floor. I also play with her friends when they come over and she has a lot of friends. I feel special because Kora always wanted a dog and now she has one. She spoils me.

Speaking of spoiled, there is this big guy who drives a red Camaro named Taylor. Although his singing makes me bark, he is fun too. I like to lie on him and chew rawhide bones. He plays with me and does a funny dance every time his favorite football team scores. I am an honorary member of the Three Muska-“schlumps”. A “schlump” is someone who spends all day Sunday watching football games in a snuggie! Taylor is not lazy all the time. In fact he works at a grocery store called Hy Vee. Taylor is always talking about going to college next year after he graduates in May. He is going to be a Husker! I thought that was a dog, but it is the University of Nebraska-Lincoln mascot. I guess his red car will fit in well down there!

I don’t like to ride in cars that much because I am so little, but I have taken 4 big car rides to Northwest Missouri State University. My Family and I like to go visit Erika. She is really pretty, and she loves to see me! I can’t see her all the time because she is so busy at her college. She is a super brainey student, a Student Instructor Supervisor, a Student Ambassador, and all this other stuff that is Greek to me. She also is very busy with bunch of letters like the LSAT, wanting to go to another school in NYC, and wanting to work for the FBI. She also really likes a guy named T-O-D-D. I love playing with toys and all kinds of balls. Todd likes to kick balls on Saturdays through two yellow sticks. I can’t wait until Christmas because they will be home all the time and I will be allowed to go into Erika’s room!

I sleep in a room all my own in the basement. Every morning, the biggest Hanson family member wakes me up, let’s me go potty and plays with me. I watch him ride a bike that literally goes nowhere. He leaves early in the morning with Taylor and Kora and comes back just in time for dinner. I heard he goes to a place called West and he just celebrated his 20^th year there. That is like 140 years to me! Sometimes I hear him say that too! I like to call him Papa bear. He didn’t think he would want a dog again, but he really loves me. I am pretty darn cute. He plays with me a lot! His singing bothers me, though and I let him know it!

Speaking of someone who plays with me all the time – mom, as Kora and Taylor, call her. I really missed her because she spent the past two weeks in South Korea with the Holt Christmas Gift Team celebrating the 50^th year of the Ilsan Orphanage. She really missed her family and especially me, but she had a great trip living her mission to find all children a family. She has been so busy since I joined the family in August. Not only did she potty train me, but she also supervised all these people working in the back yard. I don’t know what they were doing, but now they are gone and it looks great back there. Though I am considered an indoor dog, I love being outside and chewing on everything and making my family chase after me. This white wet stuff that comes out of the sky is so cold, but I love it!!

I get to spend most days with “mama bear” as she keeps track of everyone, where they are going, how long they are gone and what they have to do next. Right now, our house is full of lights and trees that I love to run around and play under! This is a pretty fun place to be and I love it here. If you are ever in Omaha, come and see me. I’ve explored every inch of my house and there’s plenty of room for you.

It is going to be a great 2012, wishing all of you human family and friends many blessings!

With Love and Blessings from all of us! ~Skip, Kim, Erika, Taylor, Kora, and of course, Beaner!

Forgiving is Always the Hardest

2011-12-19T17:46:00.000-06:00

It took me a long time to forgive others for certain things. It took me until my adulthood to realize I have to forgive in order for me to live a life of true happiness and not wallow in the darkness of not forgiving. Though one thing is true, I don't forget a thing. I've become pretty good at forgiving now, it's the forgetting. So is there a difference? Can I truly forgive if I can't forget? I feel like I can forgive without forgetting.

There have been many things in my life, many life-changing things, that have happened in which I have had to forgive. This time around, I'm really having to dig deep into my faith to forgive. I think it's the deep hurt and disappointment, anger, and pure shock of it all that is making it hard for me this time. This not only effects me, but so many others and is something that I hold dear to my heart.

I don't claim to be perfect and I have made my share of mistakes in life, so I will forgive, once again, but this will stay with me for awhile.

Does Anyone Really Care?

2011-12-15T12:31:00.000-06:00

When my hubby and I first got married, we began the tradition of writing creative Christmas letters, very creative. Which then set the standard for future letters...annual letters! Then when kids came along, we decided we would take turns writing the letters, he'll take one year, I'll take the next, you get the idea. We've been married almost 22 years and we are still writing our annual Christmas letters. Taking turns? Not so much. There have been years when my hubby has been too busy and stressed to think, let alone, write the letter. Then there's been years when it was his turn, I had a stupendous idea pop into my head so I took his year.

I have to admit, we have set the bar way high with these letters. I am currently working on the address labels...notice I am stalling...it's taking me awhile to update the addresses and in the past, I have used a disk of some sort that had address label programs on them. Well, I've had my Mac computer for over a year now and I'm still learning how to use it so I took on the task of merging my contacts from my yahoo account into my Apple address book. Not as easy as the directions stated. The thing that stumped me was when it stated: "Click on iSync"....uhhhhh, where was that option on my screen?? Couldn't find it for the life of me! Until I looked up at the upper right of the screen and the icons sitting there, next to the bluetooth icon and so on, there is are two arrows going in a circle...could that be it? I hovered the cursor over it, but nothing showed up to tell me what it was so I clicked anyway....that was the iSync icon!!!!!!!! So why can't they use words to tell you where to click? I don't know what all these symbols mean! Anyway, the merge was complete, then onto the task of sorting for the annual Christmas labels.

I then figured out I can print the labels from this computer too from the address book after several times reading the "help" section. So, after all of this work, is it worth it? Do people really care what is going on in the lives of my family? Do people take the time anymore to actually read Christmas letters? I know I do. I love catching up with everyone as sometimes this is the only form of staying connected I have with some people. Though I do have to admit, when I see a letter that is in small font and more than two pages, I have to put it aside until I know I will have time to read it. I don't want to just skim over these letters, I know all the hard work that goes into them!!

Okay, back to the labels....the count so far is 142, I'm sure more will be added, but at least I know how to do everything now from one computer!!!!! Makes for one happy girl!

My Gotcha Day

2011-12-14T12:16:00.000-06:00

How appropriate that on my Gotcha Day, December 1st, I was in Korea. I meant to blog about it while I was in Korea, but got sidetracked and busy, besides the fact that I didn't have internet access in my room.

Even though December 1st is my Gotcha Day, the day I actually arrived in the United States was September 2, 1971, so this is my 'real' Gotcha Day. September 2nd is when I arrived into the United States directly from Korea to be adopted by my first family. Oddly enough, the last name of my first family was 'Hansen'. In my second family, I became an 'Anderson'. I guess I was meant to be Scandinavian being a Hanson once again. Funny how life works out.

I still send a Christmas card/letter to my first family just in case anyone ever wanted to stay in touch. I've been doing this for five years now. No response in return, but I never expected one either, just like I never expected an apology from the first mother for abusing me. At least I know I have peace and forgiveness in my heart.

For Those Reading My Blog

2011-12-13T07:45:00.000-06:00

I wasn't able to figure out how to post pictures from my trip from my iPad onto my blog, seriously, I tried everything and couldn't get them on here. So, if you would like to see the pictures, you can see them on my Facebook page. You can find me under Kim Anderson Hanson. I know, no pictures on my blog makes for a very boring blog. I apologize.

I am So Out of Sorts

2011-12-12T10:10:00.000-06:00

I didn't think I would have that bad of jet lag as I usually do since I slept well the night before and I didn't nap all day yesterday. I got a couple of hours of sleep last night, then I was wide awake. Part of my lack of sleep was due to the sore throat and coughing. That's what I get for being stuck in babyland on the plane!

Also, the memories of my week in Korea keep flooding back. It was such a roller coaster week, a great week, but wow, the emotions were rolling! I thought I was a pro at this since I have been on this trip five times now. I should know better, I cry during a commercial! This was also my ninth trip back to Korea, still a crier. It's not only the places and children we see during this trip, but it's also the people within the group that make me cry, both happy tears and sad tears. Every trip, I bond with the majority of the people on the team. I really consider them a part of my family. But this part of my family, I may never see again, but maybe a few. At least I can keep in touch with them via social networks and annual Christmas letters.

It's always a process of decompressing from a trip like this. I always think I can do it quickly, but I'm wrong. I walk around my house not knowing what day or time it is and I miss being in the group. I don't miss the hotels tho. I love being home and in my own bed. I just wish everyone lived closer to me or would be able to visit more often. To everyone I have taken this trip with, I miss you and think of you often and thank you for sharing such a special trip with me!

Detox From Kimchee

2011-12-11T11:09:00.000-06:00

I'm not sure what day it is after returning home from Korea. I always have such a hard time keeping track of the time and day with jet lag. I'm just glad to be home and got rest in my own bed. If I would have been on my scheduled flight home, I would still be in the air via Minneapolis and arriving home in half an hour. That would have been entirely way too long for me and I would have been a mess! Thank goodness I was able to get on the early flight home yesterday and that I got such a nice ticket agent. The cost was only $50, but it cost me $100 for my check in luggage. I would have paid anything tho to get on the flight!

I'm not sure what day I left off of my day in Korea. When I can't keep up on my blog in Korea, I tend to lose what day it is. The last two days of the tour consists mainly of fun activities so it goes by quickly. We had a great team this year, double the size of what since we were celebrating Holt Ilsan's 50th anniversary. A lot of great people, great diversity. I treasure these teams as I make life long friends from all across the country.

We didn't get to bring any babies home to the U.S. but after being stuck in 'baby land' in the airplane from Seoul to San Fran, I'm kinda glad I didn't have to worry about a baby too, tho it would have been nice to bring someone's baby home for Christmas. I was very tired tho, didn't get much sleep the night before we left and tried to get sleep on the plane which is virtually impossible being stuck in economy, which I don't know how others who are taller than me can stand, at least I can move my legs around and squeeze my whole body onto the seat if I want to.

I will miss Korea, I always love going there. I feel at home there even tho I don't speak Korean, I feel very comfortable there. It's my home away from home. I know I will return in two years. Until then, I'll treasure my memories in my heart.

Another Sunglasses Day

2011-12-08T05:38:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, we visited the unwed mother's shelter. I was really looking forward to this visit, as we were going to do activities with the mothers that we have never done before.

After watching the video presentation of the facility, we all made bread together. It was some sort of a sweet bread with a sweet chestnut filling inside. The unwed mothers learn this vocation to possibly use in the outside world whether they have their child with them or not. While the bread was baking, we toured the facility. This was the first time our group was able to see some of the babies. If the mother chooses to keep their baby, they are able to stay in the facility for a year to continue her education and/or vocational training all while still receiving medical care for herself and baby.

When the tour was over, we all ate the bread we had just made. Then came time for the introductions of our team members and question and answer period with some of the unwed mothers. Once again, I thought I was safe not bringing my sunglasses with me, WRONG. A couple of the mothers were crying, one mother had given her baby up for adoption three months ago and she was feeling emotionally terrible. Once more conversation occurred, more of the mothers and us team members were crying.

For some of the adoptees, with this being their first trip back to Korea, this day was very hard on them. As an adoptee, I have always considered myself very lucky to have had the chance to be adopted. The big fear of the mothers is that we are angry at them for the decision they had made. I have never been angry at my birthmother, I know, as a mother, this was the hardest decision of her life. But for us, it meant life or death. For them, it meant a life of hardship, struggle, and heartache for the rest of their lives. This was another tough time to have to leave, we all tried to comfort the mothers before we left.

There are two young kids in our group so the mothers really attached to them. We were taking the bullet train back to Seoul and two of the mothers had met us there to give the two kids and a couple of the adoptees presents. This was the mother that had relinquished her baby up for adoption three months ago.

Once we got back to Seoul, which only takes an hour on the bullet train from Daejon, we went shopping at Namdaemun market with a few of the team members. We all took the subway, which was, once again, an adventure since one of the members has to walk on crutches. In order to get down into the subway system, you have to walk down two sets of stairs, but THEN there is an elevator available to go down yet another floor to ride the subway, doesn't make sense!

After walking the market and it getting colder and we were all getting tired, we all decided to take taxi's back to the hotel. I would have taken a taxi back no matter what, I was tired! And we hadn't eaten dinner yet and it was 8:30. We all decided we would try the chicken our tour leader had told us about and have it delivered. No other places in the hotel were available to gather in , so we had the chicken delivered to my room, which came at 9:50pm, late dinner! But we had a wonderful time together, sharing dinner and talking. It was actually nice to just have this little intimate and quiet dinner together. It was a great way to end such an emotional day.

Sunglasses, please

2011-12-06T07:16:00.000-06:00

Today was the day our team went to the Jeonju Baby Home. We went tot the usual E- Mrt to pick up snacks and treats for the kids. Then it was off to the toy store to buy extra fun things that all the kids will have to share. Each team member donated a certain amount of money that went towards specific presents for each of the kids. When I say presents, I really mean that each of the kids gets one gift, that's it for Christmas.

Prior to Santa and Mrs. Claus handing out the gifts, the kids put on performances they have been working on all year long just for this moment. They come out by age group and do their performance. They are truly precious and what a blessing it is for me to see these kids put every emotion into their routines. Even the little boy on the sideline was adorable enjoying the performances.

As I watched the kids, I also watch the group. A few were crying so of course, I started crying. And NO sunglasses! They were on the bus, so no hiding it now. I didn't think I was going to get emotional this time since in the past, I hadn't gotten too emotional. But then again, I haven't been on this trip in two years. All the emotions came back as if this was my first time on this trip.

I told the other ladies that were crying that they needed to know that these kids were in a family, in this home and being loved and that this was better than them being on the streets. I know how tough it is to think of that when we think about how lucky we were to be adopted and have a family to call our own. You can figure out that the other ladies crying were also adoptees like myself. We saw ourselves in the eyes of these children, we truly are the lucky ones. But today, we needed to remember that we made their day by being there with them and playing with them, holding them, laughing with them, loving them...even for just those few hours, we made a difference and touched their lives.

2011-12-05T06:56:00.000-06:00

I had a very relaxing morning today with a nice start to my day chatting with hubby via Facebook chat. I was then able to relax, take care of the laundry I did, which I actually did correctly the night before. It had taken me awhile to figure it out, but I was careful to match all the buttons from the directions to on the machine. They turned out clean and I only had to dry them a little more in the morning.

We had lunch with Holt's travel coordinator, he took us to a restaurant that served bimbibap, it was delish of course! We then had a little time to do some shopping. Julie wanted to go to Starbuck's to get the travel coordinator a coffee for treating us to lunch. As we were standing in the line to order, Julie was looking at the mugs that were on the side by the line. As she picked up a mug that she said she liked, the man behind me cut right in front of her.

We were both shocked to see this man do this! It wasn't like the line was moving and we didn't move with the line, we were just waiting like everyone else. So I said in a loud voice how rude that was. Then I told Julie I was going to have payback and do the same thing to him and cut in front of him. She said to tell her when I was going to do it so she could go upstairs and not be embarrassed. She didn't think I would do it.

Sure enough, the man decided to look at the sandwiches and I cut in front of him! Julie was shocked and could not believe I had just done that! She was truly embarrassed and could barely get the nerve to come up and stand with me. We had a good laugh over it as we continued to wait in the long line. We continued to laugh as we left the store. I told Julie that she can always expect an adventure when she's with me!

We all met back at the hotel to get on the bus so we could meet the rest of the Gift team members that were arriving today. How fun! We arrived at the airport, waited with the crowd of others waiting. Finally everyone came out from getting their luggage and money exchanged. There were 23 people in the group.

We all rode the bus back to the hotel, had a briefing of what was going to happen during the week, then we were all off to dinner as a group. We had galbi rib soup, very hot!! But it was good, something I hadn't had before. If only I could figure out how to post my pics onto my blog from my iPad. This whole tech thingy drives me crazy sometimes! And now the hotel's internet has been down since early this evening so I didn't get a chance to chat with my hubby. I had to turn on my phone once again and message him that I couldn't chat...ugh, hate turning on my phone and getting charged for international usage!! Oh well, let's hope the internet is working in the morning.

Let the Gift Team tour begin!

The Adventure for Soup

2011-12-03T19:00:00.000-06:00

After a day of watching a family of friends gather together for a reunion, it was time to decide again what we would eat for dinner. We had decided on the idea of having the special gin seng chicken soup. So which restaurant do we go to? The one at the Hamilton hotel that we've gone to before or ask the front desk of this hotel if they know of a restaurant closer to us that serves this special soup. We got the name of the restaurant close to our hotel, but had decided on going to the Hamilton hotel, that way we could do a little shopping afterwards.

We took the subway to Itaewon and walked into the Hamilton hotel, felt like home to me walking in the lobby area. After we made our way upstairs, we look to where the restaurant door was and it was all boarded up! What?? There was a new restaurant across the hall so Julie asked if they served the soup, no they didn't.

Back downstairs to ask if that restaurant served the soup, no they didn't. Julie asked the front desk if they knew of any restaurant in the area that served this soup. The lady found a place down the street and around the bend and gave Julie the google map to it. Off we went down the street of Itaewon and we kept walking and walking and walking. Finally Julie stopped in a 7-11 store to ask about the directions. She was told that we would have to go further down, go under the subway, then probably ask someone else for further directions.

We continued our walk in the street then we came to an area where we would have to climb the stairs and a lady was walking down so Julie asked her regarding where this place was according to the map. The lady googled it on her phone and told us we had to go back the way we came and look for the museum, then take a right.

We retraced our steps, found the museum, looked for the alley to the right, after a few streets, we found the right street. There it was finally! We walk into the restaurant, no one is at the front, then a lady came out and started waving her hands in a fanning motion. She told Julie that she was not open and did not make a lot of the meals because of the Holiday coming up, she didn't want the extra food.

Now where do we go to eat? It had been 50 minutes of walking to find this place and she had no soup! We decided on trying a restaurant across the street, walked in and the lady told us she was only serving the tour bus group. Now what!! I told Julie let's just take a taxi to the restaurant our hotel recommended from where we were and see if they have the soup. We grabbed two taxis and got to the restaurant. We had to laughed as Julie said what if this restaurant doesn't have the soup!

We walked to the area of the restaurant, sat down and sure enough, this was the right place and they had the chicken soup! Think we were all giddy by then! As we sat down, we were served small shots of alcohol, five little shots. Zoe and Drew are not of drinking age, but it was there and should they drink it? They both downed it and both hated it, especially Drew, and soon Drew was turning a bright shade of red due to the alcohol. Darn Asians not having the enzyme to break down alcohol! Zoe wasn't as bad, but all of a sudden she says she doesn't feel well, as in her stomach...must have been the alcohol so I told her to keep drinking her 7up and stop eating the red bean paste!

The three of us ladies needed to use the rest room so we ended up having to go outside the restaurant, up the street and there was a trailer that said 'toilet' and a man walked out of the women's bathroom. We went inside anyway and the toilets were like those in rv's...um yeah, I HAD to go so I didn't have a choice...ugh!!

We all enjoyed the soup, we all felt it was totally worth all the walking we did and all the mis-steps in-between. It was delicious! So glad we found it and we now have the business card for the next time we have to have this soup! Hopefully, they won't close down!!

Can't We All Just Get Along?!

2011-12-02T18:58:00.000-06:00

The no access to internet via iPad is really getting old. We had an easy morning at the Hilton so would have been nice to be on the computer with so much spare time after breakfast. We had until 1:00 until we would be taken to our other hotel for the rest of our stay.

When we arrived and checked into our rooms, we found out, once again, that there is no wireless internet connection in the rooms...ugh! Frustrating! But there was wireless available on the first and second floors. Ok, at least that was something! So after I lightly unpacked and got the lay of the room, I decided I would go to the first floor to use the internet.

First I called my friend's room, no answer, twice. I decided to go knock on her door, no answer. I went to the first floor to get on the internet, things weren't syncing correctly so the person at the desk helped me get it on my iPad. I had him call my friend's room too, no answer. I began figuring out which chat feature to use, Google? Facebook? I couldn't figure out the Google one so I went on Facebook. But now how was I going to get my hubby to get on too so we could chat?

I turned on my cell phone and sent an email and an instant message then quickly turned it off, those darn data rates are adding up! No reply, no show on Google chat or Facebook. Frustrating!!

I then go back up to knock on my friend's door, still no answer!! Where the heck was she? I went back down to the first floor, got online and was desperate to get my hubby online, but HOW?? A friend from high school sent me a chat on Facebook and asked if I wanted her to call my hubby for me, she had done it before for another friend. I had just tweeted to my oldest daughter to call her dad and have him get on Facebook chat. Sure enough, she tweeted back and said she got a hold of him and was everything ok. Yes everything was ok except for the part of not being able to get a hold of your dad!

Another tweet to my daughter to see if she had actually talked to her dad, yes she had, he had been asleep. And boom, I see him on Facebook chat...finally! Well, he wasn't a happy camper, to say the least. He always gives me a hard time about me getting my times and days mixed up, especially when I am somewhere internationally. He asked me if I knew it was midnight his time, so what!! Didn't he want to hear from me and know I was safe in my new hotel? Geesch! Yeah, yeah, it's not fun getting a call at midnight from your oldest daughter from college, but wow, what a great idea I had cuz it worked!

So now we were both mad, him because I woke him up and me because I felt disappointed that he wasn't too happy to chat with me. How the heck else are we gonna be able to catch up when I am in Korea and don't want to spend a gazillion dollars paying for international data charges and roaming on my cell phone!!!

Soon my friend had come downstairs, she had forgotten what room I was in and was going to ask the front desk. She had been on the second floor using the wireless internet since she, too has the iPad. Come to figure out, we both would have been out of luck if we brought our laptops because we both own MacBook Air's and they don't have an ethernet connector. So there, I was right about telling my friend not to bring her laptop.

I continued to chat with my hubby for a little bit, but I really needed to go so we could go shopping at the store I always go to when I am in Korea, but this time we had to take the subway to get there since we are staying at a different hotel.

We made it to Itaewon and immediately went to the vendor I know, sure enough, she remembered me! And there it was, the gong my friend had wanted since she had seen mine I had gotten a few years ago. Boy did I do some shopping too! But don't get too excited, I bought the majority for the auction.

I had quite the load to carry all the way on the subway and to the hotel, but my friend helped carry the gong. We were all getting tired and hungry so back to the hotel to drop off everything. And who do we run into on our way, but our beloved travel coordinator for Holt Korea! What was he still doing here? He was going to the hotel to welcome another one of our friends and her son that were arriving soon, how great! We can all have dinner together! And so we did, it was so nice catching up. Debbie is my Gift tour buddy, we have been going on this tour together for what, four years? I think this is our fourth one together.

Dinner was great, as usual, heck it's Korean food! Once we got back to the hotel, I was able to get online again. It was about 6:25am Omaha time and there I see my hubby was online! We chatted a bit and I chatted with my daughter before she went to school. My hubby then had to go to work but got online to chat a little more. See, we can get along! It was awesome being able to catch up with him, he's such a great person, think he has a bigger heart than I do, seriously! I love him dearly!!

So Disconnected

2011-12-02T03:37:00.002-06:00

I arrived safely to Seoul. I turned on my phone as we landed. A ton of emails began to load, but good thing I turned it on, there was a message from the Holt-Eugene office regarding those that traveled early Korea. There would be Holt-Korea staff waiting to drive everyone to the hotel. We hadn't been told this so I told Julie to look out for anyone holding a Holt sign. Sure enough, there was a Holt staff waiting for us. he recognized me from past trips.

The Holt staff said he would be taking us to the Somerset Palace, but we were set to stay at the Hilton since we were told we were not able to get rooms early at the Somerset. He called Mr. Hwang and sure enough, Mr. Hwang said there were reservations for us at the Somerset. Now what do we do? We scrambled for ideas. I said let's stay at the Hilton one night then go onto the Somerset the next day since we were not able to cancel the reservations at the Hilton. Then as we were riding in the van, I said maybe we could call the Hilton and tell them we missed our connection and didn't arrive in Seoul so we had to cancel our reservations. Julie was going to call from the Holt staff's cell phone but didn't know if the hotel would know that she was calling from a Korean cell phone.

After some rush hour traffic and me watching the gas gage in the van go more and more into the red zone, we arrived at the Hilton. We were able to cancel our next two nights and planned on going to the Somerset Palace the next day. Time to check in and go to dinner then off to bed, I didn't sleep a wink in the plane and it was catching up with me.

No Korean restaurants in the Hilton, seriously, that's why we came to Korea, to eat Korean food! Luckily, across the way from the hotel were a few restaurants to choose from. Luckily Julie can read hangul and we found a restaurant.

I only brought my iPad and I talked Julie into just bringing her iPad too and leave our computers at home. Well, there is no wireless internet at the Hilton and there's no way to hook up our iPads. Talk about feeling so disconnected from the world! The only way to communicate to our families back home is via my blackberry. Well, I hadn't planned on using the international data plan while I was here, but now I had no choice. I emailed hubby and told him the situation, then tried the blackberry messenger, which is the instant messaging via blackberry to blackberry, it worked. But that is also considered data so I am being charged for international data. What other choice was there? The internet access at the Hilton is around $10 for 30 minutes of use so either way, I am spending money, but it is very expensive to use the blackberry international data plan since my hubby called Verizon and asked what the cost was. $20 to use 2mb of data, I had already used 1 mb since landing in Seoul.

Amazing how we are so dependent on internet access and instant communication, even from around the world. I'm even at a loss not being able to connect to Facebook immediately. Guess I'll have to wait until I get to my next hotel and pray I can connect wirelessly or I'm in trouble for ten days!

Just What I Needed

2011-12-02T03:35:00.000-06:00

In the last few hours of my long flight, I decided to listen to the songs on my iPad. I rarely use my iPad at home, so when I travel, it does come in handy for movies, games, and music.

As I search my music playlist, I look for my favorite, Todd Agnew's Christmas album. I start up his songs and there it hits me, the feeling of Hope, the feeling of Love, the feeling of God showing me the reason why I am going to Korea in the first place. I haven't been on the Gift Tour trip for the past two years and listening to the Christmas songs, I remembered the reason why I love this trip so much.

I was once an orphan in Korea, for 4 1/2 years of my life, I was labeled an orphan. Yes, I had the other kids and caretakers as my family, but there is nothing that takes the place of your very own family. As I listen to the songs, tears come to my eyes as I remember my past Gift Tour trips and as we bring Christmas to our orphans, I can't help but see myself in the eyes of these children. Some of the songs are slow songs but some of the songs are very upbeat, yet they all bring tears to my eyes as I think of the reason for the season of Christmas. It's about giving, it's about opening your heart, it's about being grateful for whatever and wherever you are.

I am now an adult, a wife, a mother....a daughter, with my very own family. How blessed am I that I am living the life I am living now. Things could have been so different for me, but God knew where I needed to be and where I belonged. He knew I would look at my life as a gift and someday, be able to return to my homeland and give back to those that now fill the shoes that I used to wear as a child in Korea. I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. I didn't have dreams of a huge paying career, I didn't have dreams of being famous, but listening to the Christmas music, it hit me that what I dreamed of is what I am doing at this very moment in my life.

No wonder I love this time of the year. It does bring me back to feeling like the little kid waking up Christmas morning to the wonder of all that happened magically under the Christmas tree and how beautiful the snow was. I now get to have this same great feeling on Christmas morning watching my own children filled with excitement over what has been magically placed under the tree. I love feeling like a kid filled with wonder and excitement and complete gratefulness for the gift of Family.

Negative Nelly

2011-12-02T03:33:00.000-06:00

Negative Nelly

Thought I would start off my trip with everything that was negative. My day did start off slow-paced thanks to not having to catch an early morning flight. I hung around the house with Beaner and finished packing.

Good part of leaving was my house was being cleaned that day. My hubby left work early to drive me to the airport. I gave Beaner an extra loving squeeze.

My hubby isn't patient at the airport, he doesn't like to travel like I do. I had two very large suitcases to check in and one to carry on. Once we parked the car and went inside the airport and saw the line at the ticket counter, I told my hubby to leave and go back to work. He said he would wait with me for a little bit....

There seemed to be two lines for some reason, we stood in the line that was the regular line. Both lines weren't moving a bit. Hubby kept looking at the ticket counter to see how many ticket agents were working and in his words, if they were even doing anything to help.

I kept telling hubby to go to work and that I could handle checking in by myself. No, he'll stay just a little longer...okay...I was trying to figurine out if the line we were standing in was only for the Chicago passengers since O'Hare was having major travel problems, delays and cancellations. Both lines continued to grow with more people coming.

Finally it was my turn to go to the self check-in kiosk. I never understood why we eve bother to check in online then have to check in at the kiosk at the ticket counter and still wait for a ticket agent, seems like nothing really speeds things along.

I got checked in and waited to hear my name for my checked in luggage. I have to be proud of myself again, as my one heavy suitcase weighed 49.5 pounds at home and weighed in at exactly 50 pounds at the airport scale. My second suitcase was not even 40 pounds, but that was just full of the back belts for the house mothers at Ilsan.

As the ticket agent is putting the tags on my luggage, we notice that they are checked all the way thru to Seoul...what? I am staying overnight in Eugene first! I needed my one bag, so I ask if I can have the one checked to Eugene and the other one can be checked thru to Seoul. The ticket agent went to another computer and started typing away, you know how that goes, they seem to type forever for something that seems so easy. Anyway, she came back and had the one bag stopping in Eugene, thank goodness! It's tough nowadays to pack toiletries and fit it all in 3 oz containers, who can do that? Oh yeah, males can do that, lucky them!

So my hubby is STILL with me and goes up to security with me...shouldn't he be going to work by now? What a sweetheart, but seriously, I have traveled by myself many times before! As I am going thru the line at security, I look back to see that my hubby is yet again, STILL there! He finally leaves when I go thru and I can't see him anymore. He's truly a worrier. I haven't traveled internationally for two years and he acts like it's been forever since I have traveled, but I was just out of town a month ago. He just loves me that much, I'm a lucky girl.

Wow, this is really starting to be boring, but what else is there to do on a 13 hour flight? I finished watching the Nanny Diaries with Julie and looked at my watch and we have only been in flight for three hours....seriously?? Gonna be a loooong flight!

Anyhoo...My flights from Omaha to Denver to Eugene went well and without anything bad happening. The only issue I encountered was having no armrest abilities due to the person sitting next to me. Oh, had that same thing this morning from Eugene to San Fran. Why is it I always manage to sit by people that hog the armrest?

I did manage to catch a bite to eat while in Denver, not my usual chips and salsa I always have when I am at DIA. I tend to do that, have the exact thing everytime I am there, but this time I didn't have as much time as I usually do, which was fine with me.

I got into Eugene and there was my best friend, Julie picking me up along with her hubby! How sweet of them! When I got to Julie's house, of course she fed me like the Korean mother she is! She had made some wonderful soup and had some of her homemade kimchee for me, now that was the way to start my trip! But the fun soon had to stop, I needed to get showered and to bed, 3:30 A.M. was going to come awfully quick! By the time I got showered and repacked, it was already 11:30pm, so I probably got around 3 hours of sleep off and on. I get so paranoid when I am sleeping and HAVE to wake up at a certain time.

Though we all left Julie's house later than we had planned, everything went smoothly at check in. I did manage to see that my one suitcase stated it weighed 51.5 pounds, how did it manage to gain weight overnight? I didn't add anything new to it! I didn't get charged for it, thank goodness!

After arriving in SFO, Julie and I had a nice breakfast while Zoe waited at the gate with all of our luggage. Julie and I always have fun when we are together, we truly are like sisters.

We managed to get all three of our seats together and got lucky that the fourth seat was never occupied so at least Zoe has room to lay down a little, which she has been doing since take off and when lunch was served, the fight attendant looked at her and asked her if she needed a doctor! Too funny. Of course, I have pictures to share too.

So now here I am, typing away on my ipad while everyone sleeps and it's 3:00pm pst. Did I mention it was going to be a long flight? Oh, to continue on the Negative Nelly track, three of my nails broke! I had to cut down all my other nails because they looked odd with the broken nails. And when my nails break, they break way down. Now I feel like I can't function with such short nails. Even typing is different since I usually type with my nails and not my fingertips.

Okay, will let go of the negativity and post a couple of fun pics. I will try to blog as much as I can during this fast and busy week! Hopefully the other entries won't be as boring as this one!

Korea or Bust!

2011-11-27T14:27:00.000-06:00

Ready or not, I am off to Korea again!! It's been two years since my last trip to Korea, let alone anywhere internationally. Think it will all come back to me after a break? I'm hoping I am ready, but getting this packing thing down is harder than I remember, or maybe I am just out of practice.

I will try my best to blog while I am on my trip, hoping it all goes well and that I will have time to actually blog!

At least I know my house is full of Christmas cheer and decorations are done, huge thanks to my mom and sister! My house looks amazing and so cheery, I love it!! I will look forward to coming home to such a cheery place and look forward to celebrating Christmas with my wonderful family!!

Penn State Mess

2011-11-10T11:46:00.000-06:00

Usually I would not even care about sports, let alone sports in Penn State, but it just so happens that Nebraska is to play Penn State this Saturday in football. Now with this alleged child molestation going on at Penn State, I am glued to the TV...I'm even watching ESPN!

Last night, the Board of Trustees from Penn State University fired their Legendary coach, Joe Paterno. Huge outrage from students there and some people on Facebook were showing their support for Joe. All I was thinking was that the Trustees did the right thing. If the former coach did do these heinous crimes against young boys and Joe Paterno knew about this then the Trustees did the right thing. All I could think was how could Joe continue on with his life as a coach, leader, mentor and legend and let this just fall thru the cracks? Joe should have resigned immediately rather than having it come to the decision of the Trustees. What choice did the Trustees have but to fire him? They have to think of the entire University, not just the football program.

So why am I so hyped up about this topic when I don't care about sports? It's about the victims, they have been forgotten and a monster was allowed to get away with his cruelty. Unless one has been a victim, I don't think one can say you support a supposed Legend when the right thing to do was to report this abuse to the police and follow thru! How many kids suffered during this time?? How can these adults live with themselves by not doing anything?

I was a victim of child abuse when I was first adopted. I was being physically abused by the mother. I was with this family for 15 months. I was very badly abused. Fifteen months in the United States and I still suffered from malnutrition. Everyone knew about the abuse going on but it it took 15 months to get anything done to get me out of that family. Why were the adults around me so afraid to help me? They knew what was being done to me was wrong! I was a defenseless little 4 1/2 yr old girl, but the size of a 2 yr old. I knew what was happening to me was wrong, but I was helpless. That's where adults needed to step in.

I thank God everyday that I was rescued, even after enduring 15 months of abuse. Is Joe Paterno a monster? No, he's very much admired and he probably has done some great things thru/out his career, but he is just as guilty as the assistant coach that did the crime. I'm sure there will be a lot of people that knew what was going on and they are just as guilty. I've always told my kids, if you are a part of a group that someone did something wrong and you were there, even tho you may not have done the act, you are just as guilty because you didn't report it or tell someone.

Family in All Forms

2011-11-08T08:25:00.000-06:00

I have lived in many different forms of families. I was in an orphanage for 3 1/2 years of my very young life, they were my family. I was then adopted to a family in Minnesota. This family also had other children adopted, but domestically, so we were quite the family.

I was then adopted into another family where my sister was my parents' biological daughter. We then became a family of divorce when I was just a teenager. Then I became fatherless when I was 18 years old. My father passed away way too young. I miss him to this day, especially when it comes to having my own family.

My own family, my hubby and I would be considered a 'transracial' couple. We then have two biological children and our third child is adopted from Korea. My family is quite the mixed family and my hubby is the one that is truly the 'minority' not having one ounce of Korean heritage in him.

The above shows I have lived in many different forms of families. My youngest daughter lived with a foster family for almost four months before she came home to us. I consider them a part of our extended family. I am forever grateful to them for loving her so much and taking such great care of her for us. Here is our experience meeting them during our family tour, click here:

Meeting Kora's Foster Family

Recap of our Family Tour to Korea

2011-11-04T09:37:00.000-05:00

What an adventure and a great trip full of memories...Our entire family went on the Holt Family Tour in the summer of 2009. I wanted my family to go to Korea since 4 out of 5 of us have ties to Korea, as in heritage. I also wanted my family to see, touch, and feel why I do the volunteer work I do for Holt. I feel very blessed to know I was able to have my entire family travel to Korea. I hope when my kids are older and have families of their own that they will want to share their experiences with their family. Who knows, maybe we can arrange for a multiple generation trip!

So, here's the first part of our trip:

Family Trip to Korea

Not a 'Know it All' in Adoption

2011-11-03T10:24:00.000-05:00

When it comes to parenting and in the process of raising three kids, this does not make me a know it all when it comes to parenting. When I first became a parent, it was tough, though I had some great instincts, it was still hard dealing with a newborn, first time breastfeeding, dealing with colic, not knowing about postpartum depression, don't worry, mine was very mild but still, it was something I was not aware of. I had no idea why I would cry for no apparent reason. Why did they not cover this topic in the prenatal classes? Then my hubby had to work in Minnesota when our daughter was only a month old. There was no way we liked this arrangement so we moved temporarily to Minnesota to be with him. This lasted six months until my hubby found a job back in Omaha.

Fast forward to today, extreme fast forward, as now my kids are almost 21, 18, and youngest is 13 years old. November is National Adoption Awareness Month, so with this, I will get to what this topic is about. Being an adoptee and growing up knowing I was adopted from Korea and having gone thru all that we adoptees go thru in life, I thought it would be easier for my youngest daughter to grow up around me and have this connection with also being adopted from Korea. I figured she would be really open with discussions regarding her feelings....guess I was wrong!! Okay, I have to say, she is open with me about talking about Korea, but she isn't that open when it comes to talking about kids at school STILL teasing her about being Asian....what? Still?? I guess I have given our society the benefit of the doubt and put more faith in humanity, but slap me across the face and put me in the corner, society has not changed all that much!!! I found out from my oldest daughter that the teasing has been going on when she took her shopping last weekend. I'm thankful that at least my youngest can and will open up to her big sister, that's what big sisters are for!!

I've always said I dislike middle school the most when it comes to the age of kids. This age must be the most horrible age there is. This age is the meanest, the craziest, the worst age in my opinion. Kids can be so mean! The middle school my daughter attends is pretty diverse for being in a 'white community' so this teasing still surprises me. Middle school kids though, they are the vain of my existence! I'm glad this is the last year of middle school for my kids and me!

So it comes to show you, even though I can totally relate to my youngest daughter, I am not the know it all when it comes to parenting. But, give me those kids that are still teasing my daughter for one week and I will straighten them out, in a good way, but seriously, think the parents need a lesson too!!

Korean Adoption Debate

2011-11-02T09:44:00.000-05:00

With Korea’s reputation as a ‘baby exporter’ ...
Should overseas adoptions continue?

Korea’s 220,000 kids overseasSouth Korea has the world’s oldest overseas adoption program, having sent an estimated 220,000 children abroad. In the aftermath of the Korean War, overseas adoptions were largely a mechanism for children to escape poverty and destitution, but in the decades that followed, societal attitudes were the primary driver of the phenomenon. Up to 90 percent of children born to unwed women are placed for adoption, reflecting the stigma that still surrounds out-of-wedlock pregnancy and single motherhood. Last year, Korea accounted for 13 percent of all overseas adoptions worldwide.

But things are changing. For the first time ever, 2007 saw more children adopted in Korea than overseas, indicating the weakening of society’s emphasis on maintaining bloodlines. In July the law on overseas adoption was revised, making the process more difficult, and seeking in the process to end the image of Korea as a “child exporter.” The law gave adoptees greater access to their birth records, introduced a seven-day deliberation period for women to decide whether to keep the child or give it up for adoption and made birth registration mandatory, aiming to end secret adoptions.

YES:Homeless kids deserve a better chance

I strongly believe that inter-country adoption, or ICA, needs to continue indefinitely in Korea because the children have a fundamental right to grow up in loving families, whether they are adopted in Korea or overseas. Every effort should be made for birth families to raise their own children, and the next priority should be given to place them in homes domestically, and the remaining children should have the chance to have their own families overseas. I also believe that the ICA needs to come to an end someday, but now is not the time as there are so many children growing up in institutions who need homes. The ICA should only be discontinued when there are no more children to be sent abroad.

Unfortunately, the overall mood and climate on adoption in Korea over the past few years has been shifting drastically away from being viewed as positive. Some Korea-based adult adoptee organizations have joined forces to bring about the demise of both inter-country and domestic adoption by advocating the ending of adoptions in Korea as well. They have used the terms such as “Baby-Exporting Nation” to deliberately embarrass Korea into reacting against ICA, and as Korea wants to save face in the international community, they have adopted policies to gradually squeeze the life out of ICA by reducing the number of children leaving Korea by 10 percent each year. Essentially what Korea is doing is sweeping the issue of homeless children under a mat by putting them in institutions and hoping they will save face in the international community. This is very sad, and comes at the expense of voiceless children that are moved around like pawns in a chessboard.

According to the statistics released by the Ministry of Health and Welfare of Korea, in 2010 there were 8,590 children that became homeless in Korea. About 67 percent of these children became homeless due to poverty, divorce, abuse and abandonment, and the other 33 percent of the children were births by unwed mothers. Of all the homeless children, 1,462 were placed domestically while 1,013 children were inter-country placements. The remaining 6,115 children were placed in 280 institutions throughout Korea. Birth mothers have all the time in the world to reclaim their children if they wanted to, but the fact is they rarely do, and the children grow into adulthood in the institutions. So the claim by the anti-adoption group that adoption is the cause of separation between children and their birth mothers is plainly wrong. No matter what the argument is, it is abuse on a massive scale when you block the opportunity for children to have their own families by forcing them to live in the institutions.

So what would have been the alternatives if children were not adopted through ICA? Orphans growing up in Korea have historically faced incredible challenges as they are subject to strong social stigma. Compared to ordinary children with families, orphans in Korea experience what I call “status discrimination.” By status discrimination, I am referring the denial of opportunities for good education and good jobs that orphans experience, not only because they lack the financial and social support of a family, but additionally because society discriminates against them simply because they are orphans.

In the old days, 3-5 percent of orphans were able to go to college. Although educational opportunities for orphans have increased in recent years, they still fall significantly below the educational opportunities of ordinary Korean children with families. By contrast, approximately 70 percent of Korean adoptees in the U.S. and Europe receive a four-year college education or above.

Orphans in Korea must leave orphanages when they turn 18 years old. Often these orphans are emerging from the orphanage just out of high school, with very few marketable skills. These young adult orphans are usually given a onetime allowance of anywhere from $2,000 to $5,000. This meager allowance runs out very quickly. With no financial or family support available, going to college is impossible. These young adults go through extreme hardship once they leave the orphanages. Most work long hours in low-paying and are vigilant to keep their backgrounds a secret, for fear of status discrimination.

This is the reason why inter-country adoption should continue. Sure, it is an embarrassment in the international community of wealthy countries to admit that Korea still needs to send children abroad. However, it is even a greater embarrassment for Korea to put these children into institutions just to save face. Korean nationals must stop criticizing inter-country adoption and look at themselves for the problem of not wanting to adopt their own children in the first place.

Steve C. Morrison

By Stephen C. Morrison

Steve C. Morrison is an adoptee and the founder of the Mission to Promote Adoption in Korea, currently working as a senior project engineer at the Aerospace Corporation on GPS III satellite program. Morrison lived in an orphanage for eight years before being adopted to the U.S. at age 14. To contact MPAK, visit: www.mpak.com (English) or www.mpak.org

NO: Single moms need support

Korea, along with China, has sent the highest number of children overseas for adoption. The actual number is uncertain but it is reasonable to believe around 200,000 children have been adopted abroad. This means that many Koreans are affected by the adoption issue. Sweden is one of the countries that has the highest number of Korean adoptees.

When overseas adoptions started during the Korean War, the primary goal was to save orphans and offer us a new and better life in a Western country. Later on the main reason was poverty. Today, however, the main reasons are a lack of political will to support unwed mothers and discrimination against these mothers and their children.

As a Korean adoptee who has grown up in a Western country, I acknowledge that war and poverty are good reasons for international adoption. Based on my upbringing in Sweden, I find it hard to accept discrimination toward unwed mothers and the lack of a social welfare system as good reasons for why Korea still is one of the biggest providers of adoptees, especially since Korea today has one of the world’s strongest economies.

In Sweden, many unwed mothers receive financial support if needed and therefore have good opportunities to raise their children. The old-fashioned idea that unwed mothers are bad women does not exist in Sweden anymore. Also, I am convinced that as long as Korea continues to adopt children away, the development of support to unwed mothers will continue to change very slowly. This conclusion is supported by well-known adoption researchers such as Rosemary Sarri among others, who argue that the Korean government has chosen overseas adoption before domestic solutions.

Another pro-adoption argument often heard is that children to unwed moms as well as domestically adopted children meet discrimination by the wider society. Even though this might be a good argument, international adoption is no guarantee that the adoptee will do well and be well-treated in the new country. Instead, international adoptees also meet prejudice in their new home countries.

One example of common prejudice against Korean adoptees is that the birth mothers are prostitutes. This idea is, for example, still spread by the biggest adoption agency in Sweden.

The biggest adoption study, which includes more than 10,000 international adoptees, shows that adoptees are overrepresented in drug and alcohol abuse, mental illness, suicides and criminality. Other studies show that international adoptees also are more likely to be single parents, have little education and meet discrimination on the labor market. These studies show that life as an international adoptee is not necessarily easy.

While Koreans are very proud over their country’s rapid economic growth, successful companies and a well-educated younger generation, this is not the picture of Korea among many Westerners. Instead, many of them believe that Korea, like all other countries that send children overseas for adoption, is poor and that Koreans lack basic education.

This condescending opinion will continue to exist as long as Korea continues to export their baby problem instead of finding a domestic solution like other developed countries.

As a Korean adoptee, I am ashamed of Korean society for continuing to discriminate against unwed women and the Korean government for betraying their children.

After being engaged in different associations for Korean adoptees for almost 10 years I dare say that inter-country adoption is not always a good solution. Instead it is time for the Korean government and Korean society to find domestic solutions for the mums and their children.

A bad economy and being undeveloped are no longer arguments for overseas adoption. Today, however, the only reasons are sexism and an obsession with bloodlines, views that modern societies abandoned a long time ago. As long as Korea continues to export the “child problem” instead of solving it, the country will continue to have bad reputation among Westerners while children and their mothers will continue to be treated badly by Korean society.

Hanna Sofia Jung Johansson

By Hanna Sofia Jung Johansson

Hanna Sofia Jung Johansson, an associated professor of sociology and researcher at the Swedish National Council for Crime Prevention, was found in Sungdong District in 1976 by the police. She was given the name Kim Jung-yul and was adopted to Sweden by the Social Welfare Society in August 1976. She holds a B.A. in political science and a Ph.D. in science and technology studies and has published several texts on adoption. ― Ed.

The Dash to the Finish

2011-11-01T13:05:00.000-05:00

The fire pit is finally done! If you can't tell the colors, they are glacier ice, glacier blueberry, and black. Can't wait to actually light it!

National Adoption Awareness Month

2011-11-01T09:52:00.000-05:00

Just another way to update anyone that has not read my blog before and does not know my story, you can read about it here: http://kimboleeslife.blogspot.com/2010/11/national-adoption-awareness-month.html and continue reading thru/out last year's blog entries. I will try and post some of my thoughts this year regarding adoption and how I feel today.

Un-Happy Halloween

2011-10-31T11:18:00.002-05:00

Today is Halloween. This is my least favorite 'holiday' of the year...why? Because when I was younger and in elementary school and it was time for the Halloween party at school, I dreaded it! All I ever wanted was to be 'just like everyone else' and wear the cheapo kid costume that included the plastic mask. But being Korean and all, the mask never ever EVER fit my face properly, mainly around my eyes. The mask would make my eyes bulge out and I hated it! I just wanted to wear the dang thing like all my friends did!

I think that scarred me for life. I then had to resort to making my own costumes, ones that did not require a mask of any kind. So then came the animal costumes, a ladybug, a skunk, a bumble bee and so on. One can paint on a nose and whiskers rather than wear a mask to turn into an animal. I still don't like to wear masks to this day and I don't care for Halloween parties. I even dreaded having to be creative for my kids' costumes. Thank goodness we are almost done with that stage with everyone getting older.

Now it's come to dressing up our puppy...wonder what he would blog about having no choice in wearing a costume.... The Bumble Bee-aner:

Beaner doesn't look too happy in this picture:

Life's Reminders

2011-10-28T08:53:00.000-05:00

The past few days, I have been reminded about what is truly important in life. I have been traveling and very busy with all that comes with life and what I have dedicated myself to doing with my life. I have been reminded that what is truly important is my family. My family has always been the center of my universe and lately, with hearing things around me, I am reminded once again how blessed I am with what I have in my life. My family, my health, my faith.

I am a very private person, which could come into question then why do I have a public blog, facebook and twitter account? Because I like to throw out my thoughts to the universe and let whatever I say or write seep into the crevices at will. What I say and write is for myself and what I get out of it is my business. If others that read my thoughts get a laugh or cry or a good feeling or an ah ha moment out of it, then I'm glad I was able to touch them in a certain way. If I didn't touch them, then they can opt out of reading my things. Some people just don't get the reason why people blog or post status updates. For myself, it's like thinking out loud. Sometimes thinking out loud clears things up for me, sometimes it's all for kicks and giggles.

Life is a serious matter, but there are times when I like to just joke around too. But I know the one constant in my life is my family. I've been blessed with the greatest family in the world.

The Daily Bean

2011-10-14T11:54:00.000-05:00

My daughter wanted me to start this with our puppy like I do my sunset pics on FB. We'll see how it goes with me remembering! So here is the first Daily Bean pic:

Puppy or Kitty?

2011-10-13T12:07:00.000-05:00

Having our little Beaner in our family has been wonderful. Anytime you look at his cute face, you can't help but fall in love with him. But the reality of having a puppy around is very real when it comes to potty training. No wonder I didn't want a puppy, but like I said, he's way too cute not to want him around.

So we think Beaner is at least 2 pounds now. He's almost three months old. With his size, I figured I had better train him to go in a litter box, seriously. Come winter, I don't think he will want to go outside, let alone myself. We have been training him to go potty on a pad, but even that has been a challenge. When Bean has to go, he just squats and goes wherever he may be. Yesterday, I bought the litter box and kitty litter. Didn't realize how dusty litter is, not my favorite since it adds to the dust already in my house.

As I am keeping an eye on Bean and I see him squat, I dash over to him, pick him up and put him into the litter box. The first time, Bean decided to try and eat the litter, yuck! Then he began to dig in it, yikes more dust flying!! So today, I have decided no more litter. I will keep the box and line it with a pad and have Bean do his business. I'm hoping this method works. It's a lot of work. I go out of town next week for half the week...let's hope everyone else can hold down the fort for our little Beaner and stay consistent with his potty training! But gosh darn it, I will miss my little Beaner....

Just Add it in With the Rest of the Dust

2011-10-12T14:53:00.000-05:00

The backyard project is almost done, so why not add in another project? Since we have the talent on hand, I asked if the guys could fix the two pillars by the front door, they are the same stone structure as the ones we just had done in the backyard. Both pillars had cracks from the bottom up, not good when it comes to a house like this. So my brain got to working and got the guys on the job. I felt bad, but hey, it's not like we wouldn't pay them for the job.

What a lot of work again! Whoever did the work in the first place did the pillars wrong, they added in wood around the post which causes the whole thing to contract and expand with the weather, hence, the cracking! So out came the existing stones, cut out the mortar, cut more stones and do it all over again. To fix it correctly, I had the guys do the entire pillar rather than just the sides that were cracking, the others would crack eventually and I would have to put up with the mess again!

I am getting very tired of all the construction but it really is coming to an end. Then what will I do with myself?!! Relax?!! Oh yes.....

Countdown to the Finish!

2011-10-10T08:35:00.000-05:00

A clean patio area, finally!:

Still in need of the railing for the outer wall, but at least the landscape is done:

And the gates still need to be installed:

And the makings of the firepit is in the works:

Next comes the gates, the railing, the sod and the built in benches. Then the project will be D-O-N-E!!

Now That's More Like It!

2011-10-05T09:42:00.000-05:00

The concrete is finally done around the patio!!

And the columns are getting their dressing:

Each stone has to be put on one by one...wow, what a job! Only nine more columns to go and grouting them too! The next step will be the railing on the front wall and the gates and then the benches, then we should be done with the inside of the patio area. We still need sod around the outer area, it's always something!

It is Almost Complete!

2011-10-04T10:20:00.000-05:00

Using the fire hydrant to fill a pool is so much better than with just a garden hose. It only took an hour to fill compared to almost two days:

And it's filled! Could almost use it if it weren't for needing more concrete work done on the three sides, which is getting done as I type:

Almost to the end....almost....so close, I can feel it and can finally enjoy the backyard again...YES!!

Getting Closer to Completion

2011-09-30T10:35:00.000-05:00

Truly excited over part of the concrete (tan) being done:

More landscaping completed:

Still have to find a place for the other boulders:

Quite the wall system, can't wait for the grass!

More Progress

2011-09-29T10:05:00.000-05:00

Getting prepped for concrete:

Completed more of the landscaping:

May not seem like much, but all of this takes a lot of work to prep. More work today with another drain system being put in prior to the concrete being poured. I can't wait to see an actual concrete floor around the pool!! And to have grass, no way, will be so exciting!

A Dog's Day

2011-09-28T16:11:00.000-05:00

Bean went to see the vet for a check up and get on a schedule for the rest of his vaccinations, he did well and got on some meds for parasites, which are common in puppies. He also has to be on L-Carnitine to help with blood sugar levels, guess that's common in small dogs. Bean now weighs a whopping 1.12 pounds! He gained 4 ounces in a week being home with us! He's still a little peanut, hence, he's able to fit into a 16 oz. Cool Whip container, his entire body is inside the bowl:

He loves to play, but then crashes immediately:

He wanted to prove that he is getting bigger:

We love the little Beaner, he's been a great addition to our family!

From Progress? To Progress!

2011-09-27T08:27:00.000-05:00

The equipment is in:

The landscaping has begun:

Yes, we are moving right along...at a snail's pace sometimes as there is still a lot of work to be done.

Progress?

2011-09-26T11:18:00.000-05:00

The top of the steps:

The steps from outside the walls:

The finished cement pad for the equipment:

I can't wait for the rest of the concrete to go in, then it will feel like we are so much closer to getting finished and we will be able to walk around better! Really trying my patience with this project....

A New Addition to the Family!

2011-09-22T10:12:00.000-05:00

This was my daughter holding her new puppy for the first time! Needless to say, my daughter was very happy, yet very shocked as I had told her we would never have a dog in the house again...never say never....

I got the call saying I could pick up the puppy at anytime on Tuesday, which was two days earlier than we had planned. I had two hours to get ready for this new addition. No supplies on hand, nothing. So I ran out to the pet store and picked up a collar, the smallest one possible since the puppy only weighs 1.8 lbs! And a leash, which had to be a cat leash since said puppy is so small. Ran around to get the food and water bowls and a carrier for the car. I was going to surprise my daughter after school so I needed a tote for transporting. My supply list was pretty sporadic: shampoo, dog bowls, collar, leash, tote, and a hair brush. Luckily I got some dog food from the person I bought the puppy from.

Once I got home, I had to figure out another resource for a kennel so I got a plastic bin that was in the garage. Good thing the puppy is small! He's done pretty well sleeping in it the past two nights.

Here he is in the bin:

We have named the puppy 'Bean' because he's such a small thing! Not sure what I was thinking when I decided to get this puppy, but once I saw his face, how could I say no!! Now I am in charge of house breaking him. Good thing his little piddles are the size of a quarter! But still, I wish he was trained already.

It's been fun though having him around, he is my little shadow. Everywhere I go, he's right at my feet. I do have to be careful tho, if I don't remember to look down, I step on him. Bean has grown attached to me, last night, he wouldn't follow me into my room so he laid on my slippers by the front door until I came out. How cute is that! I did get him to follow me into my room this morning, I may regret that now. At least he hasn't learned how to climb the stairs, we have a lot of them in the house and I don't want to play hide and seek with him since he's so tiny.

So now besides the yard project, I have this new Bean project...what am I thinking?!! And yes, the yard project is STILL going on....

Shaping Up

2011-09-19T09:18:00.000-05:00

The walls are done:

The outer wall is about done:

And the clean up has finally begun:

You can just see the top of the outer wall, getting closer to getting done!

Walled In

2011-09-12T10:05:00.000-05:00

The walls are in:

Still trying to get the color corrected on the bullnose coping:

Soon to be the stairs leading out and down:

Gate at north wall:

Equipment area:

Feeling Closed In

2011-09-09T12:56:00.000-05:00

Part of the corner wall:

Huge progress on the south wall:

Area where the pool equipment will go:

Notice all the dirt on the other side of the wall that will need to be removed:

Just a total mess:

I can barely stand to watch anymore...every time it seems like more and more of the yard is being dug up. Will the wall look good after it is completed? It's one heck of a tall wall, I have yet to take pictures from the other side...I don't know if my heart can take it...

The Mess in the Yard...

2011-09-08T07:22:00.000-05:00

The mess is getting worse:

Progress?:

More mess along the seawall:

This really is progress:

With progress comes more mess:

Do things really have to get worse before they get better??

Honoring a Man with a Huge Heart for Our Children

2011-09-07T11:58:00.000-05:00

How does anyone show another person how much he/she is appreciated? How does anyone have the words to convey thanks for giving a chance at life, a chance at happiness, a chance for his/her own family, a chance to create his/her own family?

Dr. David Kim is a person many in the adoptive community still do not know about. This bothers me. Without David Kim, the Holts would not have been able to function in Korea.

Dr. David Kim will be turning 80 years old this month, what a huge milestone! I have the privilege of serving on the Board of Directors with Dr. Kim and I witness every time, David's compassion and dedication to all the children and families of the world.

I want to honor David and spread the word so others may honor him on his 80th birthday. David is one for not wanting attention, gifts, or accolades, so the best way to honor him is to give to the Dr. David Kim Endowment.

Please join me in honoring Dr. David Kim: Dr. David Kim's 80th Birthday.

My Patience is Wearing Thin...

2011-09-07T08:19:00.000-05:00

Though this is progress:

The mess is driving me crazy:

The five foot trenches for the footings:

Now this is progress:

Will I ever get my yard back to normal??

Sloooow Progress...

2011-08-31T07:24:00.000-05:00

This was the progress of the day before, doesn't look like much, but it really was progress. Digging out the muck by hand and packing in the drainage rock, a lot of hard work:

Rain yesterday caused the project to come to a halt. Today should bring more progress.

Yes, No, Maybe So...

2011-08-29T07:38:00.000-05:00

The digging about completed:

Then part of the wall collapsed, will the project continue? Not too positive on the outlook:

Covering the hole in case of rain so the drying out can continue:

A pump in the middle to pump out the water in case it rained:

We shall see what happens today......

Big Wall of Dirt

2011-08-22T12:39:00.000-05:00

In order to know just how big the pile of dirt is, my son is 6 feet tall:

Dump Truck Train

2011-08-19T07:18:00.001-05:00

I left off yesterday morning talking about seven dump trucks of dirt. Well, by the end of the day, there were 25 dump trucks of dirt total. All day the sound of the beep, beep, beep of dump trucks and the tractors...thought I would go insane! This is the end result of 25 dump trucks of dirt, doesn't look like much. View of the mound of dirt from the back side, it is actually over 5 ft tall:

25 trucks of dirt were compacted down with this mondo machine:

Can you figure out what this project is?

Dump Truck Wake Up Call

2011-08-18T12:33:00.000-05:00

Yesterday's progress:

There's nothing like waking up to the sound of a dump truck, make that 7 dump trucks this morning! At last the project is in full gear.

Summer into Fall

2011-08-17T09:32:00.000-05:00

As the summer project was being planned, the planning continued to mount into a major project which now said project is now turning into a fall project. The removal of the existing landscaping did get done and we have been staring at a messy yard for the past week or so. Not too exciting, to say the least. But many appts and calls and deciding on this and that has occurred just to get this thing going.

Now today, the yard should show some signs of movement...I'm hoping. The grading of the yard is to occur so the yard should look way different after today. I know, the anticipation is killing me too!!

Walk the Talk

2011-08-10T09:21:00.000-05:00

I am one for all things techie, tho I everything I do that has to do with technology is by hit and miss and determination. I have this blog, I am on Facebook, Twitter, and Linkedin. I post daily, sometimes hourly on Twitter and Facebook. When I read some of the other updates, the ones that catch my eye are the ones about helping people in America first. Those that know me know I support my adoption agency, which happens to be international.

What I wonder is, the people that post about helping people in America first, do they really walk the talk and help those in need in America? Are they volunteering at a homeless shelter? Are they donating to the Goodwill? Are they giving of their time and/or money like they seem to be posting?

I am not saying I am better than anyone else, as I do help those locally via Goodwill and thru my church. I also help children and families in need internationally so is that wrong? Can I help those in need internationally without feeling guilty? Yes I can because I care about everyone and it is my time and money. I'm not putting others down for what they do or don't do. I'm not being defensive either. I'm just wondering if people who post these types of updates truly walk the talk.

The Next Day

2011-08-05T08:44:00.000-05:00

The work continues even in the rain:

Let It Begin

2011-08-04T09:04:00.000-05:00

Removing the existing landscaping and patio:

Going Back to My Roots

2011-07-27T10:04:00.000-05:00

I'm heading back to Korea after not being there for two years! I can't believe it myself! Now I just have to cross my fingers that there won't be some new virus that develops around the world. My trip in 2010 was cancelled due to H1N1 and I didn't plan on going the following year.

I'm really looking forward to going back, I have truly missed Korea. And I am going early with a great friend so it will be a lot of fun and another great friend will be in the group too!

I think I've really appreciated my Korean heritage in that past few years. I've eaten more Korean food, I've actually brought kimchee into my house, and I've now learned how to cook Korean food! Will I learn how to speak Korean? No, I just don't have the mind set for learning the language.

I have a wonderful hubby to support me in traveling to Korea (or anywhere else), I couldn't do it without his support. How many hubbys out there would accept their wives wanting to travel at anytime they felt like it? My hubby is just that great and he's all mine, I'm so lucky!!

Let The Summer Project...

2011-07-26T10:12:00.000-05:00

Begin! Seriously...Finally!! Contracts have been signed and the plans have been finalized. The project will actually begin the end of August...seriously, it's been such a long road just to get to the start and now we have an entire month yet! But in the end, it will look fantastic and will be well worth it, right? Right!

The reason this whole thing has taken so long to get going is because we are working with at least 13 different people/companies...geesch! We want it done right and we want it to look great, so we did our research and waited and waited and waited...but now I can exhale and let this project begin!!

Stay tuned!!

A Proud Mama

2011-07-18T11:25:00.000-05:00

My son returned from his church mission trip to Sturgis, South Dakota on Saturday. We didn't get to catch up too much since we all went out on the boat when he got home, then he went to bed immediately afterwards.

The next morning, the entire work group went to church to share a bit of what they experienced. It was wonderful to hear how well the group did and what they got out of it. Later in the day, some of the other kids from the group came over to our house and shared some more about their trip.

The living conditions consisted of 13 of the boys in one classroom in a high school all sleeping on air mattresses. My son's mattress happened to be the envy of the entire group, who knew! The visual is not a good one in my mind as the room was described as damp and smelly...ewww...I can only imagine with 13 of them, their damp clothes, smelly shoes and sleeping attire all in one room...Luckily they had an industrial fan blowing into their room. Seriously, I would not have made it in those conditions! Then they had to share the locker room shower and bathroom facilities, which were clear down the hall.

The food wasn't a hit with the group either, but yet, these kids kept going and going during the hot temperatures and long rides to their crew projects everyday.

But the experience they had with their work crews helping a family that was less fortunate and sharing in the bonding with other crew groups from other states...sounded like they really had a great time and mostly, came out of it with an enthusiastic urge to sign up for next summer's mission trip AND the national youth gathering in New Orleans.

I would have loved doing these types of trips when I was in youth group, but we didn't have programs like these way back then. My church has now really focused on our youth groups and makes it a priority to budget for these programs for all of our youth. How wonderful is that! I feel these are so important for our youth, to be involved in the church, to feel a part of something, to belong to a group of people that are so accepting of one another, to help those that are less fortunate.

Makes me a proud mom to know that my son has such a deep passion to keep going on these mission trips.

I Have a Zit!

2011-07-15T11:42:00.000-05:00

I must be stressing or it's the weather...or it's both! I think it's due more to stress from worrying about my hubby and the stress he is feeling at his job. I hate, hate seeing him so stressed out! I feel so helpless! Then I feel guilty sitting at home doing nothing...nothing, as in helping to make money. But it's not all about money...or is it?

Why do people work so hard? What is the goal? Money? Title? I've always struggled with not working outside of the home. It's always been in internal struggle with me. Yes, both my hubby and I decided I would stay home with our kids...but I struggle non-stop with the fact that I don't contribute monetary-wise to the household. Why am I still struggling with this when I have been a stay at home mom for 20 years?!! I think it's times like these, when my hubby is stressing at his job that these feelings begin creeping up inside of me.

My hubby has worked so hard to give our family the good life, ironic that we live in Nebraska as the state motto is "Nebraska, The Good Life". He has loved the challenges along the way, but lately, the challenges have really gotten to him and there is nothing I can do!! I feel like screaming for him! Ugh!!

There have been things I've tried to do along the way to help try and ease my hubby's burdens at home, but I sometimes feel these are pitiful attempts when the reality is, his job is taking it's toll on him. I try and buckle down and get things at home in order, but now it's coming to a point where I really have to put my foot down. It's my family's future that matters so I must face things head on and take charge. My hubby has been patient enough, he doesn't need the added stress.

Blood Lines

2011-07-14T07:16:00.002-05:00

I have posted the story about someone looking for her sister from Korea and would there be a chance that I could be said sister? So the big question of what is my blood type was asked. I had no clue until I called one of my doctor's and the nurse found out for me because I had surgery almost a year ago.

My blood type is O+. Guess that was a disappointment to this person searching for her sister, as she and her entire family are A+. I have no clue what blood types mean and what combinations are compatible. I don't even know my own family's blood types, except my hubby's since he gives blood on a regular basis. He is B+ for anyone wondering. Yes, he's a special one, his blood is always wanted because I guess his blood can be used for many types and babies? I'm still not sure.

I guess this whole thing regarding if I am this missing sister has come to an end. Will my search continue? Yes, I am always in search mode. You just never know what or who is out there in this small world.

To Be Continued...

2011-07-13T08:38:00.000-05:00

It's the summer project that never ends...or at least the preparations that never ends! We are still in the planning stages of this whole thing! I feel like the beginning process will never end! We are gathering information and costs from this group and that group and yet another group...SO many groups!

But, I do see the light at the end of the tunnel...I think. At least we have the final plans drawn up and it looks awesome! We hope to get this thing going by the end of this month or at least by the beginning of the month. This will be about a two month project. Gonna entail a lot of patience thru/out the entire process, but the end result will be SO worth it...right?!

Summer Project, Ready or Not...

2011-06-30T14:16:00.000-05:00

Here it comes...finally! Am I ready? Now isn't the time to question it, I have to be ready! So will start off with some before pictures:

The drilling begins:

All to get samples of the dirt....stay tuned...

What are You?

2011-06-29T10:46:00.000-05:00

I have heard that question many, many times in my life. Should I feel offended? Usually I don't only because I've been asked that question so many times by many, many people, both white people and people of other ethnicities. So how do I answer this question? Usually I laugh inside because, there's that same question!

When I tell people I am Korean, most are surprised, not sure why since it seems really obvious to me, but most people assume I am Chinese. But I have also been to Vietnam and Cambodia and the natives there thought I was their nationality. I've also been told that I could pass as a native in Hawaii.

Then I had the incident of the person searching for her sister from Korea. You can read that from my previous posts. The one other question asked of me was what blood type was I. I had absolutely no idea what blood type I am. I've been thru many surgeries so one would think I would know, but it's one of those things I just didn't think I needed to memorize, but the other night, I was telling my hubby that a person's blood type should be on the driver's license. He didn't see the need for that since that had nothing to do with driving, but why not? What if there's an accident and you get sent to the emergency room? Wouldn't it be nice for the emergency personnel to know immediately the blood type of the accident victims? Being an organ donor has nothing to do with driving, yet that is listed on the driver's license. So, I'm right, blood type should be on the driver's license too.

I called my general doctor to see if my blood type was listed in my records. No, they don't do that unless requested by the patient, thus you have to pay for it because usually insurance doesn't cover that request. Dumb. So I called my OB/GYN since I had surgery last August and the nurse was able to look up my hospital records and it was listed there. Finally I know my blood type!!

A Bittersweet Father's Day

2011-06-19T09:13:00.000-05:00

Father's Day is always bittersweet for me since my father passed away when I was 18. I truly miss my dad, especially in my grown up years. So many milestones that happened and I didn't have my dad. Becoming an adult isn't easy and to not have a parent there during these times is even tougher. Then I have kids of my own and they never got a chance to meet my dad. I feel sad about that, they would have loved him as their grandpa and he would have loved my kids.

My kids do get to see a part of my dad thru me from my sense of humor and my zest for life. I had thirteen years with my dad and I learned so much about living life in those thirteen years. I hope I pass along these same traits to my kids. Thanks to my dad for passing them onto me. Happy Father's Day.

Why Does Life Give Us Lemons?

2011-06-17T07:56:00.000-05:00

We go thru life with it's ups and downs, happy times, sad times, the good, the bad, and the ugly(the lemons). Yes, it's all a part of life, but if I had my way, I would prefer not to have the lemons. These lemons can come in various forms, physical and emotional. I am human, I make mistakes and I learn from my mistakes. I try to be a good person, but I'm not perfect.

One person's point of view is not the same as another person's. We go thru our daily routine and wham-o, a lemon appears. It's like when you have to pull a band aid off and you know it is going to really hurt and you know you are to pull it off really fast, but instead, the band aid slips from between your fingers and it's still stuck on your skin and now you have to pull it again. It's the same as pouring salt into your wound; that same feeling of when hot water hits an open blister; when you accidentally scratch your sunburn because you had an itch.

Just when you think you've got the bull by the horns, that lemon gets squirted in your eye and you wince and squeeze your eyes shut and hold your breath. You want to be swallowed up by the earth, be invisible, push that reset button...but you can't. You have to face the ugly truth of your mistake and sometimes, you can't make lemonade.

My Youngest Will Be a Teenager...

2011-06-16T09:41:00.000-05:00

Yikes!? Saturday marks the official day that my youngest daughter will officially become a teenager, wow! No more 'young' kids in the household, just teenagers and 20 year olds. Does that make me old too? Nah, just a mother to three wonderful kids that keep me young at heart by all that they do or is that the reason I am getting more and more grey hairs? Will I break down and color my hair? I sure hope not, I've never been one to be high maintenance and keep up with hair cuts, let alone hair color. I'll see how it goes with the amount of grey. Most of them are contained to the skunk streak that is hidden under my hair off to one side. I'm not vain so I doubt I will color my hair. Really, I doubt it...

A Calming Shawl

2011-06-15T19:12:00.000-05:00

On Monday, I was in a horrible mood. I hated it and I really wanted to get over it so I decided to start on a new prayer shawl. I thought I could get my mind set onto something more meaningful and be productive at the same time. It worked! With each stitch, I would pray over it and get calmer by every row.

I do put a lot of prayer into every shawl I create so whoever receives it will feel the prayers surround them in their time of need. This was a great healing project for me and got me back on track. I'm even dwindling down my supply of extra unused yarn, what a major accomplishment and helping others at the same time, great timing!

A Horrible No Good Mood

2011-06-13T21:48:00.000-05:00

Needless to say, this is just not one of my favorite days. I am ticked off, I am mad, I'm frustrated, and I have no control over it. I feel like kicking and screaming, punching something. But no, I have to be the grown up that I am and just get over it....ugh!!!!!!!!

It's not like this whole thing came out of the blue either. I've spoken about my frustration and dislike for it, but no, I'm still stuck with it!! The thing is cursed, I need to be cleansed of it.

No Family Vacation

2011-06-11T11:16:00.000-05:00

This summer, our annual family vacation to Vermont will not be a family vacation. The boys of the family will be the only ones going this year, as a matter of fact, they just left this morning. My plans were to go to an adoptee camp in Oregon, but those plans changed after finding out the youngest's cheer stunt camp would be happening that week I was to be gone and also landing on the same family vacation week. So it was decided that the boys would go and the two girls would stay home.

It is kind of weird to think just the boys are going to Vermont, but this was also my choice to not go. We have been going to Vermont for ten years now so I feel like I've done all that there is to do there. I've posted about this before. Plus, being in the condo in Vermont, I still did laundry, cooking and cleaning. And now I feel I have a prettier view out my own windows at home and feel the peacefulness that we all are in search of.

Did my daughter have to stay home too? Yes and no. Stunt camp is mandatory, but usually it ends up this same week as Vermont so stunt camp is missed. But I'm tired of having to pay for stunt camp and not having her go. What a waste of money, we pay whether she goes or not. Plus, I feel my daughter is missing out on learning new stunts with her team and it's also a time for team bonding.

No summer vacation for me this year, but I'm good with it. I love my home, I love my scenery, I love the peacefulness around me. I will be enjoying it all while I still drive my daughter around and doing the laundry, cooking, and cleaning.

I know the boys will have fun, they are with hubby's side of the family so they will have plenty of company too.

Great Friends are Hard to Find

2011-06-09T11:10:00.000-05:00

We were able to visit with some friends last night that we used to do quite a lot with in the past. We had moved out of the neighborhood, but was still close enough to still do things with them, then they moved out of the state.

Our kids were the same ages as their kids so we even planned summer vacations together. We were able to reminisce about the vacations and had some great laughs over them. But busy lives and the distance, the times together ended, but the memories are wonderful to hold onto.

Needless to say, we have not been able to find friends like these since. Ones that you can just call at a moments notice and just hang out or go out to eat at the last minute or actually spend a week together and still like one another afterwards.

Will we be able to have more time once our kids are all in college? I hope so, we were able to talk just like back in the day. Both families have five years till the youngest one graduates from high school. Until then, we have to make it a point to travel and see one another more, that's the key in a busy life, you have to make it a point and effort to stay in touch.

A Challenge Met

2011-06-08T07:17:00.000-05:00

I know there is controversy over money for grades, so what is 'appropriate'? How does a parent motivate a child to do well in school? Some kids, they motivate themselves, others need a little more pushing. All kids are different, thus need to be treated differently.

All my kids are smart whipper snappers. Me, I was average but that didn't bother me. I was just trying to survive life. But it's amazing to have three kids and all three are so different in their approach to life and school. Does it make a difference if the child is the first, middle or last child? I'm sure that does play a role in part of it. We think we parent the same way for all our kids, but truth be told, we relax a lot more after the first child. Does that mean we don't expect the same out of all of them? No. We expect all of our kids to do well in school because we know they are all capable of doing well. Do we push and push? No. We encourage, but in the end, it is up to each child to determine his/her future.

Each child has different motivators too. Some, it's money, some it's expensive clothes, some it's just trinkets. Depends on the age of the child too. Today's technology allows parents to check on their kids' grades daily. This can also be frustrating seeing homework and test grades so I stopped checking and left it up to the child to check, trying to teach accountability.

The end of the year came and finals were taken and grades are now posted instantly...let's just say my hubby and I were not expecting to have to meet our end of the bargain...SHOCKER!! Needless to say we were speechless, but yet SO proud that the challenge was met and even succeeded it!

I am the penny pincher of the family and really have a hard time pushing the 'enter' button, but surprisingly, I wasn't the one hesitating this time. I think hubby was still in shock. But how great will it be to see the total surprise on the face of our child for a job well done!!

And the Story Continues...

2011-06-02T19:20:00.001-05:00

I received another message right before dinner so I had to work in reading and responding and setting the table...

I wanted to clarify that the sister this person was looking for, that she knew the exact date of her sister's birthdate...My given birthdate is May 8, 1967. This sister's birthdate is June 23, 1967...see, not too far off! So it gets weirder...

Another message pops up and she asked me if I have a scar under my chin because her sister had a tumor when she was one...um, I do have a scar under my chin...I have never really pointed it out to people because I never knew how I got it. One would never see it unless I pointed it out to them. I have yet to disclose this bit of info to this person. I will need to see if I got this scar from some other childhood accident.

Mind you, I am doing all of this messaging back and forth on my Blackberry all while preparing dinner...it was crazy!

I keep trying to ask her if she is sure about her sister's birthdate and I tell her because I was just given my birthdate and name randomly. She stated that her sister did not have her birth certificate with her. Hmmmm...after the mother died, her cousin is the one that gave away her sister.

So she has her childhood picture of herself and a picture of her sister right next to her's on her profile picture so I try to compare my picture to that one. Do I see any similarities? The usual bowl haircut. The nose, maybe, but the only other picture I have of myself is the one I received from the orphanage I was admitted into and the year later picture, my face is so much fatter than the picture this person has.

I ask this person if she is living in Korea now. No, she lives in Colorado and her husband is from Omaha....what the what? I live in Omaha!!

I know, I know, I am anxious to chat more with this person so hang tight, I'll post more when I do!!

Post Script: I just talked to my mom and she had no idea I even had a scar under my chin...

Interesting Note

2011-06-02T06:41:00.000-05:00

First day of no school for my kids and I am awake at the crack of dawn. Part of it is due to the stress my hubby is going thru at work so I know I am not sleeping well knowing he's not sleeping well.

So since I'm awake, I change my cell phone from phone only to vibrate, my daily routine. I see that I have a friend request on Facebook and then a message from this person also. I try to read the message on my Blackberry, but as usual, I can't scroll down on the darn message without it scrolling up and down on it's own accord, frustrating.

I decide to keep trying to read it on my Blackberry, I finally got it to settle down just enough to read the body of the message. The message states this person is looking for her sister. See, now you know why I HAD to read it right then and there.

What this person writes is eerily similar to my adoption timeline: Her sister was born in 1967, though she has listed a different, but very close month to my given birthdate. Then she said she thought her sister went to the United States in 1970 between September/October, my travel date to America was in September 1971.

This person has been searching for her sister for 35 years. I wish her well in finding her and I hope I can be of some help to her and getting her information out to others I know.

My journey continues to search for any of my birth family members as this note shows, one never knows what kind or when I will receive another message...

Another One Bites the Dust

2011-06-01T10:44:00.000-05:00

Another year of school done, finally! I guess I have had summer fever for quit some time now. Forget spring fever, I'm going straight for summer. Not sure why. I hate hot weather, I love spring weather. No major plans for this summer either, no big trips for me. My youngest daughter and I will not be going on our annual family trip to Vermont, the boys will be going though. I'm done with that yearly trip too. I'm in the mood for different views, new scenery and something new! I want to go explore the world! Well, just the U.S. will do for now. I want to show my kids there is so much more to see right here in the good ole US of A!

I loved the trips to Vermont when my kids were younger, but now that they no longer want to attend the camps offered there, there really isn't much more to do. I've done most of the activities for the adults too, the hiking, the site seeing and so on. I feel I have a much better view from my house than I do in Vermont. Last year I really missed looking out my windows at the lake. Plus, we have the ability to be outside and being very active right in our backyard.

I am a person of routine, but not when it comes to traveling and seeing new sites. I want to create memories for my kids with family outings so it's time to explore the United States so they too will want to take their kids traveling.

I'm anxious for the no routine of what summer brings, the kids hanging out with their friends, and having a houseful of kids streaming in and out. Let the summer fun begin!

Really?

2011-05-26T07:34:00.000-05:00

Summer is around the corner, my kids are just days away from their last day of school. Time for days of relaxation and no schedules, right? Right? So why would I even want to tackle a huge summer project? No, I won't do the actual work on the project, but still, I am the supervisor of anything that goes on around the house, hence my title CEO Homemaker.

As I stated in my last post, we will have been in this house two years this August. We've already done a renovation project and the house is only five years young. We truly love love our house. What could make it any better? Am I ready? Really? Do I even want to endure it? Again? I've lived thru one of these projects before........

Someone Please Slap Me!

2011-05-25T10:54:00.000-05:00

When we moved into this house, we swore we would never ever move again. We weren't going to move from our last house either because we built that house just for us, then almost ten years later, we moved into this house.

Yesterday, we received an email out of the blue from the former owners of this house asking us if we would be willing to sell the house back to them? What the what? After the initial shock and lots of talking at the dinner table and driving around the neighborhood, we were actually thinking of moving...this is where someone should have slapped me silly.

Moving into this house was a huge under taking, not only with the actual move, but with upgrading too, which we did not plan on. We have grown to love this house, getting things settled here and there and making it our home. We are even adding new furniture after our oldest has taken some of the old furniture for her house. We love our house, we love the view, we have plans swirling...so...We will have lived here two years come August, we are here for good, right? Right?

So why the heck would I even think of moving again? Maybe the pain of moving is like giving birth, once it's over, you forget the pain that you endured. Seriously, I hated moving. It's so much work unpacking. It took me a long time to unpack, especially the kitchen, because I wanted that just right and exactly the way I wanted...I didn't have that in my last home, someone else unpacked it for me which drove me crazy.

I feel like we de-cluttered before moving into this house, but it's amazing how much more stuff one accumulates after a move. I don't even want to think of packing up everything, no way. SLAP! Phew! Thank you! Now snap out of it and get on with the day!

Partial Empty Nest

2011-05-12T08:23:00.000-05:00

It's taken me awhile to get things sorted out of my head from the past weekend. My oldest daughter finished her second year of college and came home, but only for one week. We had prepped the weekend prior when she was home, but once May 7th came around, it became more real, she wasn't going to be living at home for the summer...

I am sentimental, I can cry at the drop of the hat, but I didn't think this event was going to be any different than when we dropped her off at college for her very first day. I wasn't sentimental when we dropped her off for her first day, I was excited for her, no tears. No, I didn't cry this time around, but the feelings were different for me. I guess I was now seeing my daughter as a true adult, setting her up in her house and making it look like a home for her, this was the real thing.

I have seen so much growth in my daughter over the two years she has been away at college. That's what it's all about isn't it? But she's my first born and she's growing up. And she won't be home for the summer.

So many major life events happen when kids are involved. My youngest daughter has now been confirmed. The last one in our family. All five of us have been confirmed in the same church, how special is that! I almost started to cry during her ceremony when my hubby and I had our hands on her at the altar. I had to stop myself or I would not have been able to stop.

My son will be a senior in high school next year. I better get the sunglasses handy from here on out. I love my kids dearly and I am one proud mama.

My Name is Life

2011-04-28T08:43:00.000-05:00

My Weaknesses Became My Strengths

2011-04-26T11:58:00.002-05:00

This book changed my life at a time when I was just beginning to see my potential and made my self-discovery a more positive journey:

I hadn't thought of myself as needing this book since I was 'just a stay at home mom' and not a career woman. 2005 was the year I traveled to Korea for the first time. I came back with a sense of what my heritage was, it was a part of me no matter how hard I tried denying it. I traveled to Korea two months later. I came back with even more of who I was and who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do with my life.

My church was offering this course so I signed up. My hubby decided to go with me only because he was having a horrible week at work, maybe this would change things for him too. We both took the class, did the homework and came out of it with a sense of who we truly are. Instead of looking for our weaknesses, we were to look at our strengths and see what the top five were.

Reading what my top five strengths were really opened up my world for me. I gained a sense of confidence I hadn't had. I gained a sense of who I wanted to be and how I wanted to live my life. I always thought I was a positive person, but this cemented it. From this point forward, I would look at life with an even more positive attitude and my path in life revealed itself in front of me. I haven't looked back since.

Six years later, my life is so full and rich all because I stepped out of my comfort zone and took this course at church. God truly knows how to lead the way!

Becoming Korean

2011-04-22T11:40:00.003-05:00

Yes, I'm Korean, but for a very long time, I never wanted to admit it, face it, be it. That has changed over the years, but trust me, it took me a long time to come to terms with it. When i was young, I already knew I was different. I knew I was adopted, I knew I didn't look like everyone else.

I was a happy kid though. I felt like I was just like everyone else. I even saw myself as being a normal, everyday American kid, size and all. I knew I was short, but I didn't see myself as being really short. I was always told that I was so petite. I just saw that as everyone calling me short. I thought I wore size medium and larges like some of my friends. It took me until well into my 40's to finally buy clothes in size small.

So now here I am, almost 44 and I am truly comfortable in my own Korean skin. I love seeing my name written in hangul: 김 미 승 that is my Korean given name, Kim Mi Sung. I love being around other Koreans, I love kimchee and have actually brought it into my home more and more, much to the disgust of my entire family. Oh well, they can get used it to it because I am having kimchee as much as possible.

I have a lot of pottery from Korea and will continue to buy more. Each trip I have brought home pottery, love looking at it daily in my home.

The one area that I will not be full Korean is learning to speak Korean. My brain just doesn't work that way and I'm very comfortable with not knowing how to speak Korean even in Korea. I proudly tell everyone in Korea that I only speak English and though they are surprised, they have embraced me with open arms.

Becoming Korean has been fun, becoming who I truly am has been an amazing journey.

Spring..

2011-04-22T08:47:00.002-05:00

A time of renewal, rebirth, reflection. I love spring. Having been gone a week, coming back and seeing the green grass, the flower beds renewed with green growth, it was and is a beautiful sight. When I look outside my windows and see the new growth, I see myself and how I continue to grow as a person.

I continue to grow and mature as a person, both professionally for my board meetings and personally as an individual. The 55th anniversary celebration was a time of renewal and rebirth for me as I look at who I am, what I am doing with my life, and how I can continue to carry out God's plan for me.

Meeting adoptees from all over the world always refreshes me. I'm amazed at how we come together and make an instant connection. I see the similarities, the differences in all of us, yet we have this one connection. I see the need for all of us to get together, share in our stories, share in our efforts for one another and for those that will come after us. This renews the hope in me that I am making a difference, not only for myself, but for others. I am on the right path, I am strengthened each time I am at one of these events to continue forth in my mission.

Connections

2011-04-20T08:29:00.003-05:00

As we go thru life, we come across people from all over. I'm lucky enough to be able to meet people from all over the world. Why is it that I'm always amazed at these chance meetings, or are they chance meetings? For me, these are not chance meetings. God puts me in places where I was meant to be, to meet people I was meant to meet. His timing is always great.

I get a sense of renewal, a sense of hope, a sense of life. I was in D.C. last week and the latter part of the week was to celebrate Holt International's 55th anniversary. I can't believe it was just six years ago that my life completely changed and for the better. I had made my very first trip back to Korea to celebrate Holt Korea's 50th anniversary, then to Eugene, Oregon to celebrate Holt International's 50th anniversary, then join Holt International's Board of Directors. What a whirlwind!

So here I was, in Washington, D.C. to celebrate Holt's 55th anniversary. I met so many amazing people that have a heart for the children of the world. I met more adoptees from all over the world. But I had forgotten that for some of these adoptees, this was their first time ever to be around other adoptees. I remember my first time meeting other adoptees. I was overwhelmed, I was in disbelief, I was so happy to meet others with this same connection. I felt so welcome, I felt a bond, I felt grateful.

When adoptees meet one another, there seems to be a feeling of oneness, a feeling of kinship, no matter where one resides. Sometimes, words didn't need to be spoken, looking at one another, we just knew what the feelings were. When we were in a group and one person was talking, you could see the rest of the group all nodding our heads in agreement, the common feelings sewing us together. This quilt of oneness, blanketing us, comforting us, bonding us. This is what it is all about for me, getting together, sharing, hoping, dreaming, bonding, and creating life-long friendships all over the world.

Honoring a Man with a Huge Heart for Our Children

2011-04-18T12:27:00.000-05:00

What a Week!

2011-04-18T11:54:00.000-05:00

After a two days of board meetings, we began the celebration of Holt International's 55th Anniversary. The day of the forum registration, I was asked to step in on the panel of adoptees at the National Press Club. Not knowing what I would say, I agreed to be on the panel. I am not a public speaker by nature, but I have been getting better and better. When I tell my story, I know I am not talking for my sake, but for the sake of the children that do not have a voice. I feel a sense of calm and speak from my heart. After the panel was done, I still had no idea what I said, but many in attendance said I did well.

Adult Adoptees Kick Off the International Forum at the National Press Club

I am still processing all that went on during this celebration and all the experiences I was able to have while in D.C. I'm so grateful to have had the opportunity to experience these moments. Being at the Senate Russell building was pretty amazing. Being in the Caucus room was like being a kid in a candy store. I was amazed at the room, the decor, the architecture, the grandness of it all and what has happened within those walls.

Adoptees and Adoption Advocates Become One Voice for Children in Washington D.C.

Commercials

2011-04-05T11:20:00.002-05:00

It's true, I get hooked into buying things just because I saw the product on tv. I am not a tv shopping junky though, nothing wrong with doing that either, if you have it under control. Anyhoo...I have bought several things thinking it would make my life easier, make my skin softer, make my skin look flawless, make cooking easier, make house cleaning a breeze...and so on.

I am not one to be very high maintenance, self-proclaimed of course. I don't go to the salon, I don't get manicures or pedicures, I don't get massages, I just never got into doing any of those things.

But seriously, I needed help for my darn cracked heels. I wear flip flops most of the time when going out, but am barefoot the majority of the time. So, first thing I buy, foot cream to help with the dry cracked heels that will instantly make them smooth and touchable...wrong! The next thing I buy is the foot scrubber thingy that should buff away all that nasty scaly skin...wrong! Lotion after lotion didn't work. So let's try the Ped Egg, sounds like what is truly needed and who wouldn't want to think of their heels as cheese and grate away at the dead, scaly skin? Truthfully, that darn thing hurts! It is a cheese grater! The nastiness that ends up inside that thing, GROSS! But I've kept up with it and lotioned some more...uh, my heels still aren't any better!!

My mind keeps racing for a solution, but seriously, this hasn't been my all consuming thought or priority, I really don't care about my heels being icky and scaly, but maybe I should care, it's not a pretty site. I like to think I am a good problem solver and a very practical thinker so it hit me, and of course, the first step is to admit it...the scaly skin is a form of athlete's foot. GROSS! I hate feet of any kind and to admit that I may have athlete's foot, ugh embarrassing. But it's not to the point of pain or true grossness, at least to me. So I go to Walgreen's and buy the wonderful athlete's foot cream. Something else written on the box, helps with jock itch, wonderful, I feel better already....NOT.

I have now applied the athlete's foot cream nightly and believe it or not, it's working!! For those that already knew about this solution, please just humor me that I figured it out. It's time to pull out the flip flops and cute sling back heels and show off my cute, little feet!!

Just When I'm All Set

2011-04-01T07:57:00.002-05:00

The schedule changes. Why am I not used to this by now? Whatever activity my kids are involved in, there are always going to be changes occurring. I always think I am caught up, have the calendar set, then a schedule change happens. Not with just one kid, but both kids and updates galore. There are some people that still think my hubby and I have control over these changes...WE DON'T! We are at the mercy of waiting like everyone else for any change and some are very last minute.

I guess I get frustrated because I feel like I am very accommodating when it comes the changes, but others are not. Yes, I would like to be in control, but amazingly, I have become better with that too. Life is about being accommodating no matter the situation. So let's all take a deep breath and roll with the changes, even if they are last minute.

Reaching For the Stars

2011-03-28T09:38:00.006-05:00

When we marry our best friends and start a family, there are dreams we have for ourselves, but then the dreams we have for our children, those trump our own every time. We always want for our children what we didn't or couldn't have as kids. We dream for our kids, not because we didn't accomplish our own dreams, but because we love to see the excitement on our kids' faces when their dreams come true.

Of course, things don't always come easy and in most cases, it shouldn't. Hard work, determination, and dedication is what it takes to get to the end result, then the accomplishment is that much sweeter. I've never been a parent to just let my kids win in anything in order to avoid the feelings of disappointment for them. I've felt when it came time that my kids beat me fair and square, how sweeter was that victory for them and what an accomplishment!

Life lessons, some are tougher than others. But we all have to go thru them, even if it meant experiencing great disappointment. What I wanted to teach my kids was that hard work does pay off in the end. I wanted the success for them when they did work hard for it. Society today is tough, anything kids are involved in, they had to have started when they were in diapers, seriously. But it's up to us as parents to guide and control what and how much our kids are doing, I feel there can be too much put on kids' plates nowadays.

My youngest daughter is 12 years old, in the 7th grade and will not be an official teenager until the middle of June. Growing up in elementary and the different activities offered, she tried them all, except field sports, I felt she wasn't right for it. She wanted to try ice skating, she did, but she wasn't right for that either. She tried dance, she was cute, but what little girls isn't cute in a tutu? She did some modeling. Then along came competitive cheerleading, because her big sister was involved in it, she so wanted to be like her big sister. There is an eight year difference between them.

Competitive cheerleading it was. But once she got onto the higher teams, the other activities she was interested in trying, I had to say no because cheerleading practice and competitions took up a lot of time. The choice had to be made, cheerleading or no cheerleading, there really wasn't room for more. There was a year when she wanted to quit because she was placed on a team she felt she was too advanced for. This was the year that she had to learn that when it came to something you loved doing and your goal was to be the best at it, you had to stick it out and make the best of it. And she did. And it paid off at the next tryouts, which was this past cheer season. She was placed on the high level team and that was a huge reward for all her hard work and dedication. What a great learning lesson for her.

Now she will be starting her 6th year of competitive cheer. Her last season ended on a very high note in Orlando. Mind you, it's not as glamorous as one would think. It's a lot of waiting around and days full of loud music and a lot of people. It takes a lot of patience on the parents' part too. Some things you just can't control, which is very hard for myself and my hubby, but we've learned to be very flexible with this sport. You do what you have to do for the sake of what your kids love to do.

The season ended March 13th and tryouts were March 26th. Not much time in-between to breathe. You would think I would be used to tryouts by now, but the nerves are still there, not for myself, but for my daughter. Of course, I thought my daughter did well during her tryouts. But sitting there and watching some of the other girls and you hear THIS is the moment when everything is determined well, there went my hopes for my daughter's chances for even trying out for THE highest team. And this was the year she wanted the chance to maybe crossover to THE team. Oh well, I knew she would still be on the other high level team, that was still great.

Then the waiting began for the results. This wasn't your ordinary waiting just hours for the results, we had to wait until 10:00pm the next evening! Talk about stress! I was hopeful and would check the website for the results practically every hour on the hour before the 10:00pm post time being hopeful that we wouldn't have to wait that long. Then magically, around 8:00pm, the results were up! Ahhhhh!! It took me a few minutes to get to see the results, it was killing me! Then there it was, the result...just like we thought, she was on the high level team as before, which was great and a relief.

My hubby went upstairs to get our daughter so she could see the list. As he was upstairs, I continued to click on the results as I was surprised that there would be yet another result page? And there it was, her name on THE team list, the Stars!! What? We're we seeing things?? I know I was in shock, but my daughter was really in shock, a good feeling though. I printed out the pages of the two teams, yes two teams for this upcoming season. My hubby wasn't too thrilled about it, not because of the huge accomplishment, but practice times for both teams means five days of practice. This is a huge commitment, not only on the part of our daughter, but on our part as parents, we have to drive her to and from practice and the practices end at 9:00pm. I looked at my hubby and told him that we can do this, this is what our daughter has been working towards and though we are no longer spring chickens, we can hang in there and do it together.

It's going to be a very busy year for us, but it's also going to be a very exciting year for all of us. Way to go Kora, you strived to reach for the Stars and you did it!

Oh No, I've Got the Bug...

2011-03-26T11:26:00.003-05:00

To adopt again! I received an update of the little baby I am sponsoring in Korea and he is THE cutest thing EVER! I do a lot of volunteering for Holt, I see a lot of babies during my travels and yet, the urge to adopt has never hit me. Until now. I look at his cute little face and he really got to me.

Reality is, I won't adopt again, I know my limits, I am very happy with the three kids I have. The age difference between my youngest and this little baby, way too much. And the truth be known, I am about to reach the cut off age to adopt in Korea, my hubby is already there.

My heart goes out to these children that deserve a family of their own, so I help in other ways. I know this little boy will get his family soon, I can feel it in my heart. I'm not worried. I'm just shocked that I would have these feelings again. I think I am going thru withdrawals of not traveling internationally for two years. I better do some traveling and soon. I know my hubby would welcome me traveling over adopting again!

If I can get permission to post my little guy's picture, I will, then you will all understand...

She's not even a teenager yet!

2011-03-25T10:43:00.004-05:00

But she sure looks like one!

Where does the time go? And this is my youngest child, she will be a teen officially in June. Am I ready for a teenaged daughter? I survived raising one daughter already...I think I am still raising her until she is out on her own. That will make one 20 yr old, a 17 yr old and then a 13 yr old. Okay, now I'm feeling old.

My Son is Growing...up

2011-03-22T10:13:00.003-05:00

It's hard to believe my kids grow up so fast. But it took my son quite awhile to actually grow taller. The beginning of his sophomore year, he was my height, not very flattering if you are a boy. Then a year later, here he is, way taller than me and almost taller than his father?

My son, he's so handsome, I'm proud to be his mommy:

It's My Life

2011-03-21T08:24:00.002-05:00

I always talk about how crazy my schedule is but to be brutally honest, my schedules aren't that crazy at all. I talk a big game, my life is actually full of just regular, everyday, mundane things. And no, I'm not saying my life is mundane, far from it. I am actually just a spoiled rotten wife and mother. I'm spoiled because I have the greatest hubby ever, I have three great kids(yes, I have posted about being frustrated with them, but what mom doesn't get frustrated with their kids at times?).

I live the life of a queen, though I do not take anything for granted and I am not bragging about it either (it sure sounds like it now), but anyone that really knows me, should know me, the real me. I just love my life and the choices I have made to get me to where I am today. I wouldn't trade anything, I wouldn't change anything. It's my life and I love it.

I'm Still Sane!

2011-03-20T17:00:00.002-05:00

What a weekend, but oh what a weekend! I knew what was going to happen for Friday and Saturday, but then there was added excitement for Thursday. Tuesday, I had received an email stating a baby was possibly coming home to his family on Thursday, we were just waiting for approval from the state of Nebraska for entry for the baby. At 5:01pm, I received the email stating the baby got approval, he will be coming home!

The best part of this baby coming home to his family, Molly Holt would be escorting him to Omaha! Oh, how special for this little boy and his family, what an honor! Molly was coming to Omaha to be our special guest for our annual Holt auction, so why not bring a baby along!

Thursday was spent checking on the flights to see if everything was still on schedule. As the day progressed, things appeared to be fine...but then the call came. The flight in San Francisco was delayed for three hours...let the scrambling begin! I had to contact all the people that were going to meet at the airport and tell them not to go since the flight would be late. Come to find out, Molly and baby would be staying overnight in San Francisco and would be flying into Omaha the next evening. The next evening??? Gosh darn it! That meant I wasn't going to be able to meet the flight!! But this wasn't about me.

I called the family, they were already at the airport, they had driven up from Lincoln. I felt so bad for them, but things like this happen. Now they had to wait a whole 'nother day! At least they only live 50 minutes away.

Friday comes along and my schedule is crazy trying to clean house, prepare for dinner guests and especially Molly Holt, what an honor! I had to arrange for someone to pick up Molly from the airport to get her to my house and be prepared to feed 18 people. I think I was on my phone either talking to people or texting people to get them to my house correctly...it was kind of comical.

Once everyone arrived at my house, we all had a fabulous time sharing food and fellowship. I truly love to host at my house, I feel it is so much more intimate than trying to talk to people at a restaurant. What a great group of people to host that have the same passion as I do for the mission at Holt. I feel so blessed to know I am working side by side with people with a true love for what we do.

Then came Saturday. My son had his first soccer game of the season in the morning so I couldn't' fit in helping with set up for the auction. Saturday evening came with preparing to go to the Holt auction and dinner, but first my son was getting ready for his first prom! All of his friends wanted to have pictures taken at our house so we had to make sure they all arrived at 5:00 since my event started at 5:30(I could be a little late).

Once again, I had a house full of people! Including my son, there were three couples and all their families came over to take pictures too. It was fun seeing all the kids dressed up so nicely. Still seems odd to me that my son is old enough to go to his first prom! I know, I know, I have a 20 year old!

Once pictures were done, we had to drop off our youngest daughter to her friend's birthday party on the way to our event. Always something huh?

Once we got to the Holt auction, I felt like I could finally enjoy myself and have fun, which I totally did! What a great turn out, 350 guests! We were all thrilled to have this great turn out. I didn't have time to look at any of the silent auction items, there were too many people I had to talk to or people would stop me and say hi, but it was wonderful to see so many people there.

Our favorite part of the auction? The Dessert Dash! My family loves to be the winning table so we can be the first to pick out the dessert. This was the first year in three years that my hubby and I were at the same table. The past two years, we both bid against each other and of course, one year he outbid me and the other year, I outbid him, we are so competitive!

So this year, with our determination to keep our winning streak alive, we made sure to put down the amount we knew would win...oh, how wrong we were...when the announcement came for the top bid, the entire crowd was in shock...the winning bid was $6,300.00!!! WHAT?? Wow!! That was crazy!!! Talk about an all time winning bid! For ONE dessert!! That's the way we do it in Omaha! This was in huge part thanks to a fellow board member at the winning table...I told you I work alongside a great group!!

The rest of the evening was wonderful and we reached an all time record for raising funds. I am so happy for the outcome, the fellowship, the shared passion with our Holt families, and for those that were new to the event and told me how much they loved it and would be coming back again next year. That's what it's all about for me, to get people involved in this wonderful event and them wanting to come back.

What a blessing for me to be able to see so many families that have been touched by Holt and how they all want to give back. God is Good!!

It was a crazy, busy weekend, but it was a crazy good weekend!

Decorating 101

2011-03-08T10:47:00.005-06:00

I wish decorating my house came naturally, but it doesn't. I love my house and I like to have it look nice, but I decorate it piece by piece, this area, then that area. I would really like to have every room decorated and finished. I don't change any decorations according to the seasons, I know some people do, but not me. The only season decorations change is Christmas season.

So why not just hire an interior designer? I don't know, it's the whole idea of paying someone to do something I should be able to do. My mom and sister are great at decorating and being able to see how things go together, so why not have them help me? I know, I know, It's me.

I am a very simplistic decorator too. I don't like too much 'stuff' in my house. I'm really glad my wall space is very minimal on the main floor so I don't feel the need to hang pictures. Shelving, I could do without, that consists of more dusting, yuck.

My taste in decor is more contemporary too, so finding things I like does take time. However, when I do see something that I like and it is unique, I'm really good at knowing it will look good in my house. So maybe I am capable of decorating 101.

Here is my latest addition to my home decor:

I Love My Kids, But...

2011-03-04T07:30:00.002-06:00

I'm only human, they get on my nerves sometimes and lately, it has been happening more and more. Why is that? Aren't they 'just being kids'? Seriously though, I could scream sometimes. I'm beginning to say the typical 'old person' saying, 'When I was your age...' But seriously, when I was my kids' age, I was doing so much more for myself and around the house. I wanted better for myself, I was taking care of myself and doing the household things I am currently doing.

Yeah, yeah, the times are different and times have changed, but being and wanting to be a productive and accountable person in society hasn't changed, has it?

So what do I do? Is it up to me as a parent to keep harping on my kids? When do kids start wanting to do things for themselves and wanting better for themselves? My expectations are not so out of reach that my kids can't attain them. Seriously, my kids are spoiled and that is my fault. I wanted better for my kids, but do I strip away everything from them without stripping away their self-esteem? I just want them to be accountable for how they are living their lives, appreciate what they have. Show some respect. Be aware of the little things they should focus on, keeping an eye on the big picture. How do they want to be seen as a person?

It's gets so frustrating as a parent when I try to be the role model for them, but at what age do kids really start to 'get it'? I love my kids, but...

A Great Story

2011-02-23T10:16:00.001-06:00

So many have been touched by adoption, this is one story out of many:

http://holtinternational.org/blog/2011/02/always-in-my-heart/

Going Down Memory Lane

2011-02-18T15:54:00.003-06:00

Working on the Holt auction and figuring out who to have as the special speaker, I've had to really use my brain. But I did it and what a wonderful speaker we are going to have! As I was busy figuring things out, I've had to check my pictures from my trips to Korea.

So going down memory lane from a few years ago, 2007 and 2008. Looking at the pictures from the Gift Team trips brought back wonderful memories and a smile to my face as I was looking at the many people I have traveled with and became friends with.

Then I came across this picture:

These locks are at Seoul Tower in Korea. I remember my great friend Debbie telling me all about these locks and we both HAD to get one and put one on the fence! We're such kids! Mind you, our group was to leave, at that very moment, but nothing was stopping us from being a part of this tradition as this was the first time we had been to the Seoul Tower in our many visits to Korea. I totally blame Debbie for this. So we found the desk where we bought the locks, the blue ones with the clouds on them. We tore open the package, had to write our message on the locks, then run out and lock them onto the fence. Phew!

On the locks, you are to write the name of you and your significant other or any message you want, put the lock on the fence anywhere, then you take the one key and you and your significant other are to throw the key far, far somewhere to signify that your lock can never be opened, thus your love can never be unlocked. Cheesy? Maybe, but it's in Korea!! How many people can say they have done this?

So why am I writing about this now? Because I still have the key!! I have yet to have my hubby and myself throw the key somewhere. Now where do we throw it? I was thinking maybe we throw it somewhere in Sweden when we travel there next year. Why Sweden? Because my hubby is Swedish and what better significance is there that our lock would be in Korea and the key would be somewhere in Sweden? I think I like that idea. Let's just hope I remember to bring the key to Sweden!!

It's the Carpet

2011-02-17T12:24:00.003-06:00

For years now, as I have been walking around, bending down, anything that has to do with my knees, I've ignored the sensation of crackling plastic. Walking down the stairs, for years, I really thought it was the carpet, not my knees making that crackling noise. But does carpet make crackling noises? I think not, unless the padding underneath was really cheap.

As I age, I have to come to terms with my aging body. But really, how did my knees get so bad? I didn't play sports in high school, just thought I was all that on the dance squad(not really, but isn't that the stereotype?)!

I don't have problems with my knees that surgery is in order, but they are just annoying enough that I do have to limit any activity that will be stress to my knees. Sad. But reality. So now I am trying glucosamine. Yes, I've tried it before but quit, only because I didn't want to take five pills a day, good gravy! That's a meal! Now it comes in liquid form, 8 oz. I can handle that, right? Ugh, it tastes like flat kool-aid that has been sitting out in the sun too long. But I can do it, for the sake of my knees and being able to exercise. Those darn leg extensions, my knees sound horrible!

Okay! Okay! Yes, my one shoulder is also giving me issues when I do the shoulder press. Man, this getting older stuff is tough. Hey, at least I'm exercising again, it's been way too long, my friend.

So let's go glucosamine, give my knees(and shoulder)a break!

Deleted

2011-02-15T10:43:00.002-06:00

When a person reads my posts then decides to comment, which I welcome most comments, but then decides to delete the comment...I'm left with the thought of what was the comment and was it that bad that it had to be deleted? My curiosity is piqued. Can't the blog just delete without letting me know that the comment was deleted by the author?

I know, there are more important things in life to worry about, but I'm just sayin'...

Happy Valentine's Day

2011-02-14T11:25:00.002-06:00

No chocolates needed, no long stemmed roses needed, not even a card is needed. And no, not even diamonds are needed(gulp, I said that out loud)because my motto has always been, 'Jewelry is always good'. As I get older and wiser and more and more practical, I see these days as just another day. I've stated it before, I don't like the over commercialized days to tell me when I should send a card or gift. Everyday should be recognized as days to say 'I love you'. Gifts should be given because you want to give them, not because they are expected. The best gift is one that is truly a surprise to the other person.

The smallest of gestures are also great gifts and a reminder to that special someone just how much you care. So I will continue to sort thru the dirty laundry, sweep the floors, organize the schedules, plan trips and parties, cook dinners, keep the pantry full, listen to the stories, share in the cheers, share in the tears, laugh full belly laughs, watch you grow, watch you mature, sit back and watch you go your own path, hold your hand thru the tough times, give you a hug thru the scary times, give you a hug thru the happy times all because I love you, today and every day.