Trying to be 'hip'

So I have tried MySpace, stopped using that forum very quickly since it was messing up my computer everytime. So now it's onto Facebook. Why do I use these forums? Because so many people tell me that is how I need to network. What am I networking for? I am trying to network with adoptees so trying different avenues. I'm just a little slow at doing all that it entails to keep up to date on Facebook. I see so many others posting and such, I just don't do that. It's hard enough for me to post on here!

So my other purpose for being on other forums, searching for any member of my birth family. I post my referral picture as my profile picture, not because I don't want others to see what I look like today, but in the small chance that someone out there may recognize me. Yes I know, long shot, but I have also come to see that this really is a small world after all.

When I travel to Korea, I am usually on a set tour trip so I don't have spare time to do a search. I know, I know, I could just travel to Korea and make it a priority to do a search.

What have I found out about my past? I was only in the orphanage for three years, not four years like I had thought. So now my first year of life remains a mystery. Do I HAVE to find out about my past? No, I just feel it would be such gift if I did find a connection. Nothing more, nothing less. I just don't want to leave let it go and then regret not even trying.

I was talking to my husband last night about what it feels like being an adoptee. There really isn't that much difference from being a 'birth' child. Does anyone really 'choose' who their parents are going to be? No. Is it easier to put blame on being adopted for all that went 'wrong' in my life? Yes. But I don't do that either. Most of what I experienced in my life is just life. We all need to know that we need to start taking responsibility for our own lives and happiness and the path we choose to take. As adults, we have to claim our own happiness. No one else can make that happen. The easy way out is to blame others.

Yes, it took me til I was in my 30's to really take control of my own happiness and see my path in life. It differs for everyone. My advice is to take your time, take control, and most importantly, do what it is you really want to do. I was talking about dreams the other day with some friends. Do you have to have dreams? I've thought about that more since then. My thinking is no, it's okay if you don't have dreams, because just maybe you have already fulfilled them....

Connections

On Saturday, we attended the Holt Midwest picnic. Always a great success, always a lot of families, which I love to see! The little babies and kids are so darn cute! It always surprises me to see so many little adoptees and to think I was once one of those little ones. Now I am to be one of the role models. It was great this time to have a few more adult adoptees there to help in being role models.

Our special guest for the picnic was Kim Deardorff, a fellow adoptee, now living in Nashville. I have heard of Kim but never met him until Friday night. I have to say, I have been blessed to have met him. His story is one everyone needs to hear so please go to: mystorykim.com. At the last minute, I was able to get a few of us adult adoptees to go out to dinner after the picnic. So interesting how we connected for the weekend. One of the adoptees, I have been friends with since the Motherland tour in 2006. One adoptee just moved to Omaha and connected us thru another adoptee from the same Motherland tour. And then Kim Deardorff.

So at dinner, Kim ordered a strawberry margarita, his very first margarita ever at the age of 44!! I have to say, to see Kim enjoy his first margarita was one of pure joy, he sees life with pure enjoyment. Meaning he looks at life as being 'so amazing' and being so fun. It was truly a refreshing time with him. Reminded me to continue to look at life and the little things in life as if I were seeing or experiencing them for the first time. Thanks Kim!

Also, funny to be with just Korean adoptees again, but the connections we make, they were meant to be and we all have to make it a point to do things for ourselves to remind ourselves of where we came from, where ever that may be.

"Lazy" Summer...

I love summer...but it goes by way too quickly. What have I been doing? Going from one appointment to another getting ready for school...yes, school!! My kids start school August 13th already! It becomes reality when we go school supply shopping; the excitement is so cute, I remember those days too. I wanted all the coolest looking supplies, but really just got the basics. By the time I got to high school, my supply list was very basic and I only got what I really needed at the last minute. And now they have the fancy fabric book covers. I have shown my oldest daughter how to 'old school it' and make book covers from paper grocery bags. Now my son will be starting high school so he too will be 'old schooling' it with the book covers.

Along with arranging doctor appointments for my kids; physicals, dentist, ortho, wisdom teeth, senior pictures, I have been dealing with an ear infection. Every summer I get one, when will I learn? I need to wear ear plugs when I swim, but darn it, it is weird swimming with those things in my ears. I get surprised every summer when the ear infection comes on too, my husband just shakes his head...I know, I know...

Steven Curtis Chapman

I saw his concert last night, what an amazing person and artist, I am in awe of him and his strength, but more so, in his faith. After the tragic loss of his youngest daughter on May 21st, he was able to begin his concert tours, this was his third concert since that life-changing day. I cried almost the entire concert. The strength it took to share his pain and his family's pain and to sing the songs that mean so much to him. Each song having a much deeper meaning.

Then he introduced his sons...his oldest son was playing guitar, his youngest son was playing drums...I couldn't stop crying. I had noticed the guitar player earlier and thought to myself how sad he looked, now the pieces came together. As a parent, I was so proud of them for having the strength and strong faith to be on stage with their father during this difficult time, but also knew that this is what they all needed to do, this is their calling. To share their talents with everyone, even in the darkest of hours.

I had listened to Steven's song, 'Cinderella' before the tragedy occurred and had my husband listen to it as it reminded me of our daughters and him. Now we were hearing Steven sing it in person and the meaning of it was magnified even more. I was amazed at how Steven could still sing it, May 21st wasn't that long ago...but he told the audience he had to sing it, for the meaning of it and the message of what the song entails. Hearing him sing it and watching him sing it, he had to reach within the depths of his soul and his faith to get thru it, I could feel it. And his sons played along with their father during this song...then I noticed his son(on the drums)left after the song was over...my heart broke for him.

The message Steven left with me was to live in the moment, life changes without our control. I live this message, now it's even more important to live the way I want to and the way I was meant to. No matter what bigger power one believes in, life is out of our control. We need to know all the 'stuff' we thought was important really isn't. Focus on what you can control and most importantly, hug our children, enjoy every moment with them and love your partner.

Steven talked about the struggles couples face and how life will continue to test one another, but we have to hang onto the faith, even when we really question it. I have questioned my faith plenty of times throughout my life, but every time, I have come out of it on top and stronger. I have been blessed in my life, I have been tested in life, but thru it all, I have learned to live 'In the Moment'!

If I could have spoken to Steven in person last night, I would have said, 'Thank you Steven for sharing your talents with us, sharing in your pain, and sharing in your faith. Your little angel Maria and the rest of your family are very lucky to have you in their lives!'

Inspiration

Watching the Olympic Swim Trials in person and on tv and seeing Dara Torres swim like she did at the age of 41(the same age I am), gives me inspiration to know that so many people in this world really do follow their dreams and not let age get in the way. I always feel younger than I am, but it isn't about being embarrassed about being 41 either. I love my age right now and like Dara, I love letting people know how 'old' I am!

I watched the Track and Field Trials on tv also and what a great group of athletes to give all of us inspiration! I love watching people reach their goals and strive to be the best they can be. I am so excited to watch the Olympics, I can say I saw some of the Olympians in person!

Another inspiration for me are my in-laws, today they celebrate their 48th wedding anniversary. Yes, I have my issues at times, but to say you have been married for 48 years, that is incredible! I can't wait for the day when I am able to say I have been married for 48 years!

So for those that are far from my reach and those that are within reach, thank you for being such an inspiration!