Sunday, November 27, 2011

Korea or Bust!

Ready or not, I am off to Korea again!!  It's been two years since my last trip to Korea, let alone anywhere internationally.  Think it will all come back to me after a break?  I'm hoping I am ready, but getting this packing thing down is harder than I remember, or maybe I am just out of practice.  

I will try my best to blog while I am on my trip, hoping it all goes well and that I will have time to actually blog!

At least I know my house is full of Christmas cheer and decorations are done, huge thanks to my mom and sister!  My house looks amazing and so cheery, I love it!!  I will look forward to coming home to such a cheery place and look forward to celebrating Christmas with my wonderful family!!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Penn State Mess

Usually I would not even care about sports, let alone sports in Penn State, but it just so happens that Nebraska is to play Penn State this Saturday in football.  Now with this alleged child molestation going on at Penn State, I am glued to the TV...I'm even watching ESPN!  

Last night, the Board of Trustees from Penn State University fired their Legendary coach, Joe Paterno.  Huge outrage from students there and some people on Facebook were showing their support for Joe.  All I was thinking was that the Trustees did the right thing.  If the former coach did do these heinous crimes against young boys and Joe Paterno knew about this then the Trustees did the right thing.  All I could think was how could Joe continue on with his life as a coach, leader, mentor and legend and let this just fall thru the cracks?  Joe should have resigned immediately rather than having it come to the decision of the Trustees.  What choice did the Trustees have but to fire him?  They have to think of the entire University, not just the football program.

So why am I so hyped up about this topic when I don't care about sports?  It's about the victims, they have been forgotten and a monster was allowed to get away with his cruelty.  Unless one has been a victim, I don't think one can say you support a supposed Legend when the right thing to do was to report this abuse to the police and follow thru!  How many kids suffered during this time??  How can these adults live with themselves by not doing anything?

I was a victim of child abuse when I was first adopted.  I was being physically abused by the mother.  I was with this family for 15 months.  I was very badly abused.  Fifteen months in the United States and I still suffered from malnutrition.  Everyone knew about the abuse going on but it it took 15 months to get anything done to get me out of that family.  Why were the adults around me so afraid to help me?  They knew what was being done to me was wrong!  I was a defenseless little 4 1/2 yr old girl, but the size of a 2 yr old.    I knew what was happening to me was wrong, but I was helpless.  That's where adults needed to step in.

I thank God everyday that I was rescued, even after enduring 15 months of abuse.  Is Joe Paterno a monster?  No, he's very much admired and he probably has done some great things thru/out his career, but he is just as guilty as the assistant coach that did the crime.  I'm sure there will be a lot of people that knew what was going on and they are just as guilty.  I've always told my kids, if you are a part of a group that someone did something wrong and you were there, even tho you may not have done the act, you are just as guilty because you didn't report it or tell someone.


Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Family in All Forms

I have lived in many different forms of families.  I was in an orphanage for 3 1/2 years of my very young life, they were my family.  I was then adopted to a family in Minnesota.  This family also had other children adopted, but domestically, so we were quite the family.

I was then adopted into another family where my sister was my parents' biological daughter.  We then became a family of divorce when I was just a teenager.  Then I became fatherless when I was 18 years old.  My father passed away way too young.  I miss him to this day, especially when it comes to having my own family.

My own family, my hubby and I would be considered a 'transracial' couple.  We then have two biological children and our third child is adopted from Korea.  My family is quite the mixed family and my hubby is the one that is truly the 'minority' not having one ounce of Korean heritage in him.

The above shows I have lived in many different forms of families.  My youngest daughter lived with a foster family for almost four months before she came home to us.  I consider them a part of our extended family.  I am forever grateful to them for loving her so much and taking such great care of her for us.  Here is our experience meeting them during our family tour, click here:
Meeting Kora's Foster Family

Friday, November 4, 2011

Recap of our Family Tour to Korea

What an adventure and a great trip full of memories...Our entire family went on the Holt Family Tour in the summer of 2009.  I wanted my family to go to Korea since 4 out of 5 of us have ties to Korea, as in heritage.  I also wanted my family to see, touch, and feel why I do the volunteer work I do for Holt.  I feel very blessed to know I was able to have my entire family travel to Korea.  I hope when my kids are older and have families of their own that they will want to share their experiences with their family.  Who knows, maybe we can arrange for a multiple generation trip!

So, here's the first part of our trip:

Family Trip to Korea

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Not a 'Know it All' in Adoption

When it comes to parenting and in the process of raising three kids, this does not make me a know it all when it comes to parenting.  When I first became a parent, it was tough, though I had some great instincts, it was still hard dealing with a newborn, first time breastfeeding, dealing with colic, not knowing about postpartum depression, don't worry, mine was very mild but still, it was something I was not aware of.  I had no idea why I would cry for no apparent reason.  Why did they not cover this topic in the prenatal classes?  Then my hubby had to work in Minnesota when our daughter was only a month old.  There was no way we liked this arrangement so we moved temporarily to Minnesota to be with him.  This lasted six months until my hubby found a job back in Omaha.

Fast forward to today, extreme fast forward, as now my kids are almost 21, 18, and youngest is 13 years old.  November is National Adoption Awareness Month, so with this, I will get to what this topic is about.  Being an adoptee and growing up knowing I was adopted from Korea and having gone thru all that we adoptees go thru in life, I thought it would be easier for my youngest daughter to grow up around me and have this connection with also being adopted from Korea.  I figured she would be really open with discussions regarding her feelings....guess I was wrong!!  Okay, I have to say, she is open with me about talking about Korea, but she isn't that open when it comes to talking about kids at school STILL teasing her about being Asian....what?  Still??  I guess I have given our society the benefit of the doubt and put more faith in humanity, but slap me across the face and put me in the corner, society has not changed all that much!!!  I found out from my oldest daughter that the teasing has been going on when she took her shopping last weekend.  I'm thankful that at least my youngest can and will open up to her big sister, that's what big sisters are for!!

I've always said I dislike middle school the most when it comes to the age of kids.  This age must be the most horrible age there is.  This age is the meanest, the craziest, the worst age in my opinion.  Kids can be so mean!  The middle school my daughter attends is pretty diverse for being in a 'white community' so this teasing still surprises me.  Middle school kids though, they are the vain of my existence!  I'm glad this is the last year of middle school for my kids and me!

So it comes to show you, even though I can totally relate to my youngest daughter, I am not the know it all when it comes to parenting.  But, give me those kids that are still teasing my daughter for one week and I will straighten them out, in a good way, but seriously, think the parents need a lesson too!!

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Korean Adoption Debate

With Korea’s reputation as a ‘baby exporter’ ...
Should overseas adoptions continue?


Korea’s 220,000 kids overseas
South Korea has the world’s oldest overseas adoption program, having sent an estimated 220,000 children abroad. In the aftermath of the Korean War, overseas adoptions were largely a mechanism for children to escape poverty and destitution, but in the decades that followed, societal attitudes were the primary driver of the phenomenon. Up to 90 percent of children born to unwed women are placed for adoption, reflecting the stigma that still surrounds out-of-wedlock pregnancy and single motherhood. Last year, Korea accounted for 13 percent of all overseas adoptions worldwide. 

But things are changing. For the first time ever, 2007 saw more children adopted in Korea than overseas, indicating the weakening of society’s emphasis on maintaining bloodlines. In July the law on overseas adoption was revised, making the process more difficult, and seeking in the process to end the image of Korea as a “child exporter.” The law gave adoptees greater access to their birth records, introduced a seven-day deliberation period for women to decide whether to keep the child or give it up for adoption and made birth registration mandatory, aiming to end secret adoptions.







YES:Homeless kids deserve a better chance

I strongly believe that inter-country adoption, or ICA, needs to continue indefinitely in Korea because the children have a fundamental right to grow up in loving families, whether they are adopted in Korea or overseas. Every effort should be made for birth families to raise their own children, and the next priority should be given to place them in homes domestically, and the remaining children should have the chance to have their own families overseas. I also believe that the ICA needs to come to an end someday, but now is not the time as there are so many children growing up in institutions who need homes. The ICA should only be discontinued when there are no more children to be sent abroad.

Unfortunately, the overall mood and climate on adoption in Korea over the past few years has been shifting drastically away from being viewed as positive. Some Korea-based adult adoptee organizations have joined forces to bring about the demise of both inter-country and domestic adoption by advocating the ending of adoptions in Korea as well. They have used the terms such as “Baby-Exporting Nation” to deliberately embarrass Korea into reacting against ICA, and as Korea wants to save face in the international community, they have adopted policies to gradually squeeze the life out of ICA by reducing the number of children leaving Korea by 10 percent each year. Essentially what Korea is doing is sweeping the issue of homeless children under a mat by putting them in institutions and hoping they will save face in the international community. This is very sad, and comes at the expense of voiceless children that are moved around like pawns in a chessboard.

According to the statistics released by the Ministry of Health and Welfare of Korea, in 2010 there were 8,590 children that became homeless in Korea. About 67 percent of these children became homeless due to poverty, divorce, abuse and abandonment, and the other 33 percent of the children were births by unwed mothers. Of all the homeless children, 1,462 were placed domestically while 1,013 children were inter-country placements. The remaining 6,115 children were placed in 280 institutions throughout Korea. Birth mothers have all the time in the world to reclaim their children if they wanted to, but the fact is they rarely do, and the children grow into adulthood in the institutions. So the claim by the anti-adoption group that adoption is the cause of separation between children and their birth mothers is plainly wrong. No matter what the argument is, it is abuse on a massive scale when you block the opportunity for children to have their own families by forcing them to live in the institutions.

So what would have been the alternatives if children were not adopted through ICA? Orphans growing up in Korea have historically faced incredible challenges as they are subject to strong social stigma. Compared to ordinary children with families, orphans in Korea experience what I call “status discrimination.” By status discrimination, I am referring the denial of opportunities for good education and good jobs that orphans experience, not only because they lack the financial and social support of a family, but additionally because society discriminates against them simply because they are orphans.

In the old days, 3-5 percent of orphans were able to go to college. Although educational opportunities for orphans have increased in recent years, they still fall significantly below the educational opportunities of ordinary Korean children with families. By contrast, approximately 70 percent of Korean adoptees in the U.S. and Europe receive a four-year college education or above.

Orphans in Korea must leave orphanages when they turn 18 years old. Often these orphans are emerging from the orphanage just out of high school, with very few marketable skills. These young adult orphans are usually given a onetime allowance of anywhere from $2,000 to $5,000. This meager allowance runs out very quickly. With no financial or family support available, going to college is impossible. These young adults go through extreme hardship once they leave the orphanages. Most work long hours in low-paying and are vigilant to keep their backgrounds a secret, for fear of status discrimination.

This is the reason why inter-country adoption should continue. Sure, it is an embarrassment in the international community of wealthy countries to admit that Korea still needs to send children abroad. However, it is even a greater embarrassment for Korea to put these children into institutions just to save face. Korean nationals must stop criticizing inter-country adoption and look at themselves for the problem of not wanting to adopt their own children in the first place.
Steve C. Morrison

By Stephen C. Morrison

Steve C. Morrison is an adoptee and the founder of the Mission to Promote Adoption in Korea, currently working as a senior project engineer at the Aerospace Corporation on GPS III satellite program. Morrison lived in an orphanage for eight years before being adopted to the U.S. at age 14. To contact MPAK, visit: www.mpak.com (English) or www.mpak.org


NO: Single moms need support
Korea, along with China, has sent the highest number of children overseas for adoption. The actual number is uncertain but it is reasonable to believe around 200,000 children have been adopted abroad. This means that many Koreans are affected by the adoption issue. Sweden is one of the countries that has the highest number of Korean adoptees. 

When overseas adoptions started during the Korean War, the primary goal was to save orphans and offer us a new and better life in a Western country. Later on the main reason was poverty. Today, however, the main reasons are a lack of political will to support unwed mothers and discrimination against these mothers and their children.

As a Korean adoptee who has grown up in a Western country, I acknowledge that war and poverty are good reasons for international adoption. Based on my upbringing in Sweden, I find it hard to accept discrimination toward unwed mothers and the lack of a social welfare system as good reasons for why Korea still is one of the biggest providers of adoptees, especially since Korea today has one of the world’s strongest economies. 

In Sweden, many unwed mothers receive financial support if needed and therefore have good opportunities to raise their children. The old-fashioned idea that unwed mothers are bad women does not exist in Sweden anymore. Also, I am convinced that as long as Korea continues to adopt children away, the development of support to unwed mothers will continue to change very slowly. This conclusion is supported by well-known adoption researchers such as Rosemary Sarri among others, who argue that the Korean government has chosen overseas adoption before domestic solutions. 

Another pro-adoption argument often heard is that children to unwed moms as well as domestically adopted children meet discrimination by the wider society. Even though this might be a good argument, international adoption is no guarantee that the adoptee will do well and be well-treated in the new country. Instead, international adoptees also meet prejudice in their new home countries. 

One example of common prejudice against Korean adoptees is that the birth mothers are prostitutes. This idea is, for example, still spread by the biggest adoption agency in Sweden.

The biggest adoption study, which includes more than 10,000 international adoptees, shows that adoptees are overrepresented in drug and alcohol abuse, mental illness, suicides and criminality. Other studies show that international adoptees also are more likely to be single parents, have little education and meet discrimination on the labor market. These studies show that life as an international adoptee is not necessarily easy. 

While Koreans are very proud over their country’s rapid economic growth, successful companies and a well-educated younger generation, this is not the picture of Korea among many Westerners. Instead, many of them believe that Korea, like all other countries that send children overseas for adoption, is poor and that Koreans lack basic education. 

This condescending opinion will continue to exist as long as Korea continues to export their baby problem instead of finding a domestic solution like other developed countries. 

As a Korean adoptee, I am ashamed of Korean society for continuing to discriminate against unwed women and the Korean government for betraying their children. 

After being engaged in different associations for Korean adoptees for almost 10 years I dare say that inter-country adoption is not always a good solution. Instead it is time for the Korean government and Korean society to find domestic solutions for the mums and their children. 

A bad economy and being undeveloped are no longer arguments for overseas adoption. Today, however, the only reasons are sexism and an obsession with bloodlines, views that modern societies abandoned a long time ago. As long as Korea continues to export the “child problem” instead of solving it, the country will continue to have bad reputation among Westerners while children and their mothers will continue to be treated badly by Korean society.
 
Hanna Sofia Jung Johansson

By Hanna Sofia Jung Johansson

Hanna Sofia Jung Johansson, an associated professor of sociology and researcher at the Swedish National Council for Crime Prevention, was found in Sungdong District in 1976 by the police. She was given the name Kim Jung-yul and was adopted to Sweden by the Social Welfare Society in August 1976. She holds a B.A. in political science and a Ph.D. in science and technology studies and has published several texts on adoption. ― Ed.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

The Dash to the Finish





The fire pit is finally done!  If you can't tell the colors, they are glacier ice, glacier blueberry, and black.  Can't wait to actually light it!

National Adoption Awareness Month

Just another way to update anyone that has not read my blog before and does not know my story, you can read about it here:  http://kimboleeslife.blogspot.com/2010/11/national-adoption-awareness-month.html and continue reading thru/out last  year's blog entries.  I will try and post some of my thoughts this year regarding adoption and how I feel today.