It Had to Come to an End

Our last day in Cancun. We started off by taking the bus to the other Palace resort so the girls could have a spa treatment. The boys would hang out at the pool and beach. Wow, what a drastic change in environment this hotel was compared to the hotel we are staying at, all of which are part of the Palace resorts, so we have the same privileges at this hotel as we have in our hotel.

The pool was beautiful and the beach was beautiful...BUT it was very crowded!! The resort we are at is very spread out so it doesn't feel like you are on top of everyone else. This hotel is situated between two other hotels so the beach area is very tiny. We found some seats by the pool since we had an hour til our spa treatments. The boys once again had to get some food.

I enjoyed my facial though I just really don't enjoy spa treatments. I guess it's because I can't relax, I want to know what the heck is going on around me at all times. Full body massages, never again, I cannot relax with those. Erika had the full body massage, Kora had a pedi and manicure. The boys had fun swimming in the waves and pool. Skip was reading and of course, doing work. Then he told me he was stuck sitting out in the rain for about 20 minutes, he hid under a towel.

The boys had to get more food before our shopping adventure. The mall was only 15 minutes walking distance so what the heck, right? Ugh, bad decision. Traffic and smells and humidity, I was miserable. We finally got to the mall and off we went. The Mexican market was not what I was expecting. I wanted the true blue "Mexican market", not some stores thrown in here and there with expensive stores. Disappointing to say the least. The Mexican markets in San Antonio were better than this one.

I got pretty tired right away and was not in the mood to shop. After walking in the humid weather and still being greasy slimy and oh so attractive with my greasy hair, all I wanted was to go back to my hotel room, shower and relax! This was not my favorite part of the vacation for me, can you tell?

We decided to take a cab back to the one hotel (since we had put our backpacks in a locker in the hotel gym, we needed to pick them up) then we had the taxi take us all the way back to our hotel rather than waiting for the limo that was to pick us up at 8:00pm...REALLY? 8:00? NO WAY! I would have gone back by myself if everyone else would have wanted to stay.

Back to the hotel, showered, packed and room service, now that is a vacation! Hasta la vista!

And please check back later, I will post about yesterday's adventures, there are just way too many pictures to upload and as you can tell, I am not in the mood to do so just now.

I'm looking forward to going home tomorrow, not too thrilled about waking up at 4:00am and hearing about the bad weather back home. I'll be ready though, I'm getting my traveling mind into positive mode.

What is up...

With my son's flip flops when he gets them wet and walks in them, this is what happens...

OMG!! OMG!!

I blogged about our nice dinner last night, BUT OMG! I forgot to include what happened as we were finishing up our desserts and having a nice dinner conversation. I looked past the kids sitting across from me where the dirty plates and silverware were. The guys were like worker bees gathering dishes and setting tables. That is when I saw it, one of the guys wiped off two bread plates with a pile of the dirty napkins and set them at a clean table. Ahhhh! We all had eaten off of our bread plates!

I told my family what I saw, they didn't believe me. THEN I was grossed out again and continued to be horrified and all I could say was, OMG!! OMG!! Another waiter (who happened to be our's) took a spoon from the dirty pile of silverware, wiped it off with a dirty napkin, set it on his tray with cream and sugar and served it to another table!!! I know what I saw, I wasn't seeing things. I'm a very observant person and I've bussed tables when I was a teenager, not that I ever did anything like this! Hubby proceeded to drink some of the alcohol drink to cleanse his mouth, so much for the rest of us! Some of us had been given 'new' forks for dessert...

We proceeded to leave and as we walked past the bussing station, I purposely looked in the station, looked in the drawers where the silverware was held and the drawer was EMPTY...I knew it! Gross!! Wow, what a way to end a great meal....gulp....Luckily, we are all ok this morning well, at least the three of us in this room, haven't seen the other three yet...

Hola desde Cancun!

Dia dos en Cancun comenzo con todo el mundo durmiendo en. Nos comimos un delicioso desayuno. Tuvimos que hacer una llamada para comprobar sobre el paradero de nuestro equipaje. Las lineas aereas nos dijo el equipaje que llega alas diez am y llegara al hotel alrededor del mediodia.

A continuacion, la temida Luego vino la llamada noventa miembros de vacaciones minutos tour que termino siendo una pesadilla de tres horas de venta de tono. Los chicos terminaron de volver a la habitacion del hotel dos horas en el campo de las ventas. Pobre marido estaba volviendo loco al igual que pajaro que volo en la ventana y casi lo comido por un gato. Marido queria salir despues de firmar los papeles demasiados y acaba de salier sin deciries.

A la espera de que nos los ninos se divirtieron servicio a la habitacion. Como no tenia equipaje, tuve que ir a la tienda de regalos y comprar algo de ropa pra llevar a cenar ya que habia estado usando la misma ropa durante dos dias. Tuve la suerte de haber encontrado un lindo vestido y el chal. Ahora era el turno de mi hija a la tienda. El empleado de la tienda me miro divertido porque yo estaba alli. Tuve que explicarie aceraca de la perdida de equipaje y la ropa no. A continuacion, procedio a sacar una caja de sujetadores. Tengo que admitir, me sorprendio, pero Erika era realmente agradecido hasta que los probe y nada encaja. Ella fue capaz de encontrar un vestido lindo.

Antes de la cena Kora y yo caminamos por la playa, y a ella le gustaria que todos sepan, este fue el punto culminante de mi dia. A continuacion, llego un mensaje de mi marido diciendo que el equipaje habia llegado por fin, sin embargo, el equipaje habia sido en otro lugar desde un.

Cenamos en un restaurante brasileno que sirve una variedad de carne en una espada y cortar parte de la derecha en la mesa. Fue una comida muy buena. Esta fue mi postre, un cisne hermosa crema hojaldre:

Un postre hermosa para pner fin a un hermosa dia en Cancun. Bueno, Kora me acaba de llamar cursi para esta ultima frase. Buenos noches.

Lost in translation for those that do not understand Espanol:

Day two in Cancun began with everyone sleeping in. We ate a delicious breakfast. We had to make a call to check on the whereabouts of our luggage. The airlines told us the luggage would arrive at 10:00am and arrive at the hotel around noon.

Then came the so called 90 minute vacation membership tour, which ended up to be a three hour nightmare sales pitch. The kids ended up going back to the hotel room two hours into the sales pitch. Poor husband was going crazy just like the bird that flew into the window and almost got eaten by a cat. Hubby wanted to walk out after signing too many papers and just leave without telling them. While waiting for us, the kids had fun ordering room service.

Since I had no luggage, I had to go to the gift shop and buy some clothes to wear to dinner since I had been wearing the same clothes for two days. I was lucky to have found a cute dress and shawl. Now it was my daughter's turn to shop. The store clerk looked at me funny because I was just there. I had to explain to him about the lost luggage and no clothes. He proceeded to bring out a box of bras. I have to admit, I was shocked, but Erika was actually grateful until she tried them on and nothing fit. She was able to find a cute dress.

Before dinner, Kora and I walked along the beach, she would like everyone to know, this was the highlight of my day. We then got a message from my husband that our luggage had finally arrived, however the luggage had been at another location since 1:00. We had dinner at a Brazilian restaurant that served a variety of meats on a sword and cut your portions right at your table. It was a very good meal, this was my dessert, a beautiful cream puff swan(see pic above). A beautiful dessert to end a beautiful day in Cancun. Ok, Kora just called me cheesey for that last sentence. Good night!

Feliz Navidad!

Having to suffer and travel to Cancun, you know, when you are this spoiled, something has to happen to dampen it just a touch. We barely made it to our last connection in Charlotte, ten minutes to spare! So of course, Erika and I decided to check our luggage...our luggage didn't make the tight connection. We don't have a thing to wear that is clean, thank goodness we both have our men with us and can borrow t-shirts for bedtime. Yeah, I'm the one that tells everyone else to pack to carry on the plane...I'm that special ya know that I don't have to follow my directions.

This is about all I have to wear:

Thank goodness for computers, iPads, and iPods for movies during trips. Of course, the great headphones I had bought myself awhile back, they broke so had to get new ones:

Erika said these were the best ones and of course, she 'had' to get a pair too. She was right, they were awesome! We both found the kind we wanted, the last ones too, how lucky! I finally watched Despicable Me, what a cute movie.

I'm not too concerned or worried though about the luggage. The hotel is great, it's ginormous and the surroundings are beautiful, well we've only seen it in the dark, but it looked beautiful. We will tour the grounds today to get the lay of the land. The boys want to make sure they know where all 14 restaurants are so they can eat ALL the time. And when I'm talking about the boys, I mean Todd and Taylor. While everyone else was chillaxin in the rooms, the boys went to play mini golf and go eat at the buffet again! Oh to be young again.

We brought Todd with us as our Christmas present to him:

Let's hope he still likes our family after being with all of us 24/7.

After dinner, we were all starving after a full day of traveling, this was our first real meal of the day! We toured the grounds as best we could in the dark. Then headed back to our rooms. Kora decided she wanted to test out the jacuzzi bath that is set in the middle of the room. She hasn't been in one since she was very young so she really didn't know how to do it correctly. When she thought it was full enough, she turned on the jets and water went spurting out and upwards like a fountain clear across the room. It was pretty funny, though hubby didn't think it was.

Here is the pampered princess soaking:

So that has been our start of Feliz Navidad. Come back to hear more of our adventures!

Merry Christmas!

Our kids didn't have much of a list this year, so what would they have to open on Christmas morning? A couple of fun presents and stocking stuffers.

So what do you get a family that has everything?

A trip! Just hoping the weather holds tomorrow because our second leg is in the south and they are getting SNOW! The one time I don't like snow...crossing fingers...

Follow me on our trip!

Merry Christmas Adam

A lot of people don't get my sense of humor, but my hubby does. That's why we have lasted this long. When we moved to San Antonio in 1992, we left all that we knew and were comfortable with in Omaha. No friends, no relatives, no clue what to expect in San Antonio. We just up and moved our little family because of the job opportunity for hubby.

This was going to be a two year deal. It turned into a 4 1/2 year deal, but it was a good move for us. We got to focus on our little family, on one another. But to be honest, it was a little lonely so we both had to break out of our shells, especially me. I have been a stay at home mom ever since the birth of our daughter in 1991 so breaking out of my shell was something I really had to work on.

I started a mom's group in my neighborhood, I began working out daily at the health club, we began hosting parties at our house. Thus, the birth of Christmas Adam parties. We did this because we were still 'poor', not making a whole lot of money so we couldn't afford to travel to family for every Holiday. We spent a few Christmases by ourselves so tried to make the best of it by hosting the Christmas Adam parties at our house. For those that were still in San Antonio for Christmas and had the day before Christmas Eve open, this worked out great.

The theme of the party was also to bring your favorite appetizer, 'These are a Few of My Favorite Things', still staying with the Christmas theme. I think this was the beginning of my hosting duties and the reason why I feel comfortable hosting anything at my house. I don't stress out about hosting parties, or at least I tell myself that. I love hosting actually. I like to make the gatherings very casual though and throw in some fun if I can. My advice to others that stress out about hosting, ask others to bring something so you don't have to make or provide everything. It really helps. You provide the majority, but if others bring one dish, it really helps.

Since moving back to Omaha in 1996, I have not had any Christmas Adam parties. I miss them. Maybe I should start them up again...next year anyway, since we are celebrating with my hubby's side of the family tonight. Until then, Merry Christmas Adam everyone!

The Mad Dash Begins

Because Christmas is THIS Saturday! Wow! Why am I so shocked? We have this cute little countdown to Christmas snowman and I see it daily, so why am I so surprised that Christmas is four days away? Because seriously, we all know that we have to be ready before Christmas Eve so that really means I should be ready by tomorrow. What? Tomorrow? Why not Thursday? Because it's a rule that I made up in my own mind.

Christmas Eve's past, my hubby and I would spend wrapping presents till our fingers bled from paper cuts and our heads hurt from making sure every kid had the same amount of gifts to open. Then trying to write 'From Santa' with my left hand so the kids wouldn't recognize my hand writing. Looked more like a drunken elf wrote it. What we don't do for our kids!

Those days are long gone of Santa presents since our youngest is 12 years old. I'm not too sentimental about things in life so I won't miss having to do the mad dash of wrapping presents. With my kids being almost 20, almost 17, and 12, the things on their Christmas lists tend to me more expensive, which means less gifts to wrap. This year, the lists were very short so talk about a nice break from wrapping, but yet, I haven't even wrapped one gift as of today.

We celebrated Christmas with my side of the family. It was very nice and relaxing. We didn't overeat, my plan with not serving any appetizers, something we are not used to as my kids asked where the appetizers were. We are very relaxed and not traditional or formal when it comes to the meal, we had a vegetable lasagna with salad and a chicken dish. Then had chocolate fondue with fruit and berry pie with homemade ice cream, thanks to my sister. It was all very yummy.

Thursday night will be Christmas with hubby's side of the family. That is a little more of a production. Especially in the planning of getting EVERY family member at once on the same date available. You know, sometimes that just can't happen, but we found a date that worked for everyone. I'm a little more laid back about it and if it means we spend Christmas with only one family at a time, then that's just the way it is. I try not stress about it, but sometimes the stress of others creeps onto me.

We don't exchange gifts among any of the adults in both families. We all have way too much already. The grandparents give gifts to the grandkids, but that's what Christmas is about, seeing the excitement on the faces of kids.

So that leaves Christmas day with my own family. I love having it with just my family. No need to shower or even get out of our jammies if we don't feel like it. No huge meal to plan. Thinking we will have BLT's for dinner, for real! Movies all day long. We really are just casual and laid back and don't want to stress out, there's no room for fun if one is stressed out. A lazy, stress-free Christmas day, that is on the top of my list to Santa.

So what about wrapping those presents now? Nah, I think I will leave that for the mad dash Christmas Eve.

Dear Santa...

I remember writing letters like this when I was little. I was amazed at how I would get the gifts I asked for. Then my own kids wrote letters to Santa. It was fun to see what they would ask for and then see their faces when their wishes came true.

Then I heard of another parent and their way of giving presents from Santa. Their kids would only receive three gifts from Santa, because Jesus received three gifts at his birth from the Three Wise Men. I thought this was a great idea and I began doing this for my own kids.

In later years, I began thinking even more on these three gifts and this person we all called Santa. It occurred to me that my kids shouldn't think this mystical person is better than their own parents because he gave the best gifts. I know, I know, kids grow up and eventually find out that we are Santa, but when they were kids and still believing, I wanted them to know that their parents were the ones that made their wishes come true. Not someone that they saw at a mall.

Don't get me wrong, I love Santa, who doesn't? In fact, I love playing Santa and year round if I can. I love to make someone's wish come true, something that they never thought in their whole lives would happen to them, big or small. This is the season of giving, but I like to try and give all the time. How fun it is to make an ordinary day an extraordinary day.

Full Time Job

Which is really a part time job, but really it isn't a job, it's all volunteering. I love volunteering for Holt International, there are so many different events that happen across the country from big to small. But the full time job, which is part time, which is volunteering, is the honor of serving on the Board of Directors. There was so much to learn when I first joined the board, so much so, I questioned whether or not I was even qualified for the position. Honestly, it took me a good three years to feel comfortable serving.

So now I'm working on committee things to get on top of all that we have to do. I have three new members that were placed on my committee, so I have been busy compiling all the information there is to know about our committee and what our responsibilities are. I am one to read directions on everything, so I re-read our policy book and picked out everything that was pertinent to my committee. That took me all day yesterday and partially into the early evening. I'm just glad my Wednesdays are the days I don't have to go anywhere unless I make plans.

Don't get me wrong, I am still not comfortable with every aspect of the ins and outs, there are just some things better left to others that know the areas in which I feel go completely over my head. It's a good thing we are all made so differently so we can all contribute in our special ways.

I read directions, I have a schedule, I have charts, I have timelines, I feel I am very organized. But when it comes to waiting on other people to get back to me so I can move forward, ugh, I have to have more patience, but really, shouldn't they get back to me asap? With technology nowadays, it's that simple and only takes about five minutes at the most, right?

So now I wait, my emails are in draft form, my timelines are on hold, my schedule is in pause mode, my charts are almost complete. I was hoping I'd be able to finish up today, but at this rate, doesn't look like I will. I like to get all of my things done before my kids get home, then I try not to do any emails or work unless it's something important. Well, at least I got in a break to write on my blog and now I am going to write thank you notes, the old fashioned way, by hand!

I'm Not a Spender

Really, I'm not, seriously, ask my family...sounds like I'm protesting too much. But with the season of Christmas upon us, I am quite the spender! And this year, we are not buying our kids presents, no we are not cancelling Christmas, we are just going a different route this year.

So why am I shopping everyday? I must get wrapped up in the season of it all. I am finding myself buying things for myself more too, which is really so unlike me. Yesterday, I went to the Apple store to buy a wireless keyboard for my iPad. Last Christmas, my family gave me the iPad as their gift to me. I have used it quite a lot, my youngest daughter loves to play games on it, but I found myself not using it as often as I 'should' be. The reason? The touch keyboard for typing. I just couldn't get used to it. When I type, I rest my fingers on the keys and type away. I have always been very good at typing. But resting my fingers on the touch keyboard, the letters would appear that I didn't want. Typing with one finger just doesn't cut it for me or suspending my hands above the keyboard doesn't cut it either.

So here I am, typing away on my newest purchase, the wireless keyboard. Another frill that I would not have bought for myself, but felt I needed in order to use my iPad more. "Needed', no but now I can at least use my gift more. This thing is pretty cool too. I got home with it and was like a little kid opening the box. I had to figure out how to use it and get it in sync with the iPad, the directions didn't state how to sync with an iPad, just a computer, what?? So I got the iPad, turned on the keyboard and....I was pretty proud of myself for doing it right the first time! It was so simple, technology is pretty awesome. And the bluetooth connection, yeah, pretty cool to sync the keyboard to my iPad. And now I can do my email on my iPad too since I can type my responses on an actual keyboard! Yahoo!! No more laptop plus iPad. So this means I don't need the new mini MacBook Air, right?? Hmmm, I STILL can't do documents on my iPad though....

Merry! Merry!

Yes! I'm my old self again and back to having the Christmas spirit! I was kinda bummed that I wasn't in the mood, but looking at my house all sparkly and bright with lights, it is so beautiful and I love looking at everything. I didn't go overboard, so things look tastefully done. I will have to post some pictures, but really, pictures won't do it justice.

My family spends most of the time in the basement, though we do have a tree down there and the stockings on the fireplace, but it's the main floor that I love to look at. So I have to go upstairs every once in awhile and look at all the pretty things. I'm like a little kid.

I love this time of the year, not just for the pretty decorations, but for how it makes people want to give to others.

Ba Hum Bug?

Me? Ba Hum Bug? Heck no! But...I'm kinda feeling that way...why? I don't know! Usually I am crazy in the mood to decorate, but this year, I am lagging behind my usual schedule of having everything up and decorated by the end of Thanksgiving weekend. One tree is still bare, but the kids will get to that, right? It's their tree! I just finished my icicle tree today, the star is the only thing left. The other formal tree, my family is coming over again to finish it.

But the rest of the house, I wouldn't mind if I just left it as is. What?? That is so not like me!! Since I didn't get my usual start the day after Thanksgiving, I think I've just been off. The day after Thanksgiving, I went to the football game so there went that day. The next day, I had to go help my mom and sister decorate another Christmas tree, then more football that afternoon. I was too tired to do any decorating that night. Sunday morning I cooked a huge breakfast for the family before my oldest daughter headed back to school. Then the afternoon was filled with NFL football for the boys. Um, they really didn't want to get all the stuff from the attic, did they.

So the next day, I asked if they would get the decorations from the attic, come on, football wasn't on until 8:00. So they did and we actually got the other two trees set up and put the lights on. I hung the stockings too. But the trees stayed bare until today. My mom and sister came over to help with the custom tree they did for me last year, but the finishing touches still need to be done, hopefully tonight.

I don't know what it is with me this year. I thought I got a head start on the season by getting my Christmas letter out before Thanksgiving so people would receive it the day after Thanksgiving. And today is only December 3rd, I shouldn't feel that bad that my decorating isn't done should I? Then why do I??? Why do I put this pressure on myself? Um, my first Christmas party isn't until the 11th, uhhh, next weekend...ahhhh!! Notice how I am stalling by writing on my blog rather than decorating, but I am waiting for my mom and sister to help me...yea, that's it...

Soap Changed My Attitude

Sounds silly, but the face wash I use daily really changed the way I saw myself and thus, changed me for the better. I wrote about this five years ago, yes, I've been using this same face wash for five years. Though I like to be spontaneous, I am also a person that needs routine and likes the same old same old.

Five years ago, I switched to using Purity by Philosophy. At that time, I thought I was being very indulgent because it seemed expensive to me. Every morning and every night, as I wash my face I read the bottle of Purity. Soon the words really sunk in. I began to see myself differently and began to think of what I wanted out of life. I was happy with being a wife and mom, but something was missing, me.

I began to remember my hopes and dreams I wanted out of life. I had achieved quite a lot already, but still, something was missing. 2005 was a significant year, my world, literally, opened up for me. I've been going ever since and today, I am living my hopes and dreams thanks to my soap.

Purity made simple:
"Philosophy: purity is natural. we come into this world with all the right instincts. we are innocent, and therefore perceive things as they should be, rather than how they are. our conscience is clear, our hands clean, and the world at large is truly beautiful. to begin feeling young again, we must feel clean. to feel clean we must cleanse ourselves daily with a little soap, lots of water, and love each step of the way."

From One Mom to Another

As I reflect on my Gotcha Day, the day I joined my forever family, I think of my mom. Being a mom to three wonderful children, I think of all the things my mom gave to me and showed me:
Love
The meaning of family
Kindness
Hard work
Patience
Guidance
Discipline
Forgiveness
Determination
Hopefulness
Spiritualness(is that even a word? It is now)
Wonderful memories
How to roast marshmallows in the fire pit
How to poo in the woods
How to pee in the thunder bucket
(The three above during camping trips, not in the backyard)
How to have fun
How to garden
How to cook
How to clean
How to do my own laundry
How to brush the knots out of my hair
How to give to others
How to appreciate all that I have
How to appreciate others
How to laugh
How to cry
How to dream
How to achieve
How to believe
How to inspire
How to be creative

The list is endless for with all of the above, my mom has always been here for me and I know I wasn't always the easiest to get along with. We've both come a long way and I'm so grateful we are now together to make more wonderful memories and share life's greatest gifts.

I only hope I can pass these along to my own children.

The End of National Adoption Month

As November comes to an end, so does National Adoption Month. Adoption is a very special mission for me. I have my forever family because of adoption. I completed my own family because of adoption. How blessed I am to know I can give back. So many people have touched my life and I can only hope I have touched the lives of others.

And how fitting to end National Adoption Month and begin December with my own Gotcha Day, December 1st, the day I joined my forever family. I am grateful for my forever family. I have wonderful memories of my childhood and have tried to give my own children these great memories. My forever family is small, but we are all together in Omaha and it's been wonderful being able to celebrate everything together. There were a lot of years that we weren't able to be together due to distance and money. Now we can and it's been great having my family all together again.

I don't take things for granted in my life, I enjoy life, I live life, I treasure life.

Giving Thanks

So much in my life to give thanks for that it would take quite a lot of typing on my part. First and foremost,
I give thanks to God for giving me life.
I give thanks to Harry and Bertha Holt for answering God's calling to help orphaned Korean children.
I give thanks to the families that opened their hearts and homes to the children in need of their own families.
I give thanks to my first family for bringing me to the United States. I know you meant well, but God took care of me during the time I was in your home and I made it.
I give thanks to my forever family, the Anderson's. You ARE my family.
I give thanks for the strength I gained during the rough times.
I give thanks for the many joyous times in my childhood.
I give thanks my continued determination to live a happy life.
I give thanks for having great friends when I needed them the most.
I give thanks for having one special boyfriend throughout my teen years.
I give thanks for being able to build our first house together.
I give thanks for being independent.
I give thanks for knowing what I wanted in life.
I give thanks for following my dreams.
I give thanks for marrying my high school sweetheart.
I give thanks for giving birth to a healthy baby girl and I give thanks for being able to watch her grow into a beautiful woman today.
I give thanks for the little family my husband and I created.
I give thanks for taking the big leap of faith and moving our family to Texas.
I give thanks for squeaking by living off of one income.
I give thanks for giving birth to a healthy baby boy, even if he was born in Texas ;)
I give thanks for making our family priority and doing things our way.
I give thanks for moving back to Omaha just in time for our daughter to start school.
I give thanks for having wonderful next door neighbors to laugh with, be crazy with, celebrate with, cry with.
I give thanks for God's timing of bringing baby number three into our family.
I give thanks for experiencing the journey of adoption, even though I gained weight during the process.
I give thanks for being able to share in our joys with our families.
I give thanks for being with families during the sorrows.
I give thanks for surviving brain surgery and a seizure.
I give thanks for all the many special people I have met in my life.
I give thanks for being back at a church I feel comfortable in.
I give thanks for my undying faith in God for without him, my happiness would not have been possible.
My list could go on and on, so you get the picture, be thankful for the all the big and little things in life!

Fitting In

Don't we all try to fit in somewhere? Growing up, I've always thought I fit in wherever I was. We even try to fit into our clothes daily. We all want to be a certain size, we always think we should/could be a size smaller or two. It wasn't until my grown up years that I figured out that the clothes I was wearing were a few sizes too big. It took my oldest daughter to tell me that I am actually a size small. Are you sure? I swear I was at least a size medium. I've had people tell me all my life that I was 'small', but I took that as being short.

So why was I buying medium and large sizes? Because I saw myself as my peers. I wasn't an outsider, I was just like them. So if they were buying clothes in size medium, I did too. I did not see myself as the little Asian girl, I saw myself as a normal teenager and young adult living in the United States. When I looked in the mirror, it brought me back to reality and the fact that I am Korean. Oh well, I didn't have to look in the mirror that long anyway.

Did I have hang ups about my height? Yes, but who doesn't? When a girl is tall, doesn't she want to be shorter? Did I have hang ups about make-up? Yes, but what girl doesn't? Did I have hang ups about my hair? Yes, but...you get the picture.

I see my own kids go thru all of the above so it shows that just because I had some of these hang ups, it wasn't because I was adopted, it's because I was just growing up. And I'm still growing, not up, but more secure and mature.

Shouldn't I Be Bitter?

Because I was 'ripped' from my country of birth; because I was abused in my first family; because I didn't look like my parents; because I wasn't related to any of my family by blood like my sister; because I was picked on and teased as a kid; because I didn't have the things all the other kids had; because people would stare at me; because people would stare at my family; because my parents divorced; because my dad passed away when I was 18; because, because, because...

But I'm not bitter. The above can happen to people whether they are adopted or not. My birth children didn't decide to be born in the states they were; all of my kids get stared at; my family gets stared at; I still get stared at; people still talk about me behind my back.

I don't define myself as just an adoptee. I don't define myself as just a wife and mother. I am who I am because of all that I went thru in the past, the good and the bad. I wouldn't trade it for the world, even the abuse. I feel that made me the strong person I am today. All the things that happened to me wasn't because I was adopted. It was life. No one owes me anything, I don't need a handout, I take control of what lies ahead of me. I decided long ago that I would live a life of happiness no matter what life threw at me. My story is my story. Everyone has a life story and it matters, it doesn't have to be filled with tragic moments to be interesting. We all go thru our own challenges, big and small, it's how a person decides to deal with it that determines the end of the story.

I don't claim to be the perfect person, I don't strive to be. I am only human, I have plenty of faults and there are days that I feel like screaming. I live my life the way I want to, the way God intended for me to live. He doesn't create the bad things, he prays that I can come out of the darkness and shine onto others. The past few years, I've been lucky enough to shine on others. Giving feels good when I give from my heart. I feel if I can touch one person and that person can live a life of happiness, then I have done God's work.

An Adoptee Forgives

I have written about my adoption journey and how I came to be here in the United States. I wrote about the physical abuse I endured for 15 months from my first family.

When I was about 15 years old, I found my kindergarten report card sitting on our dining room table. I looked at my name and on it, my former last name was crossed out 'Hansen' and my new last name was written in 'Anderson'. Now why is this so monumental? Because at the time, I was dating a person with the last name, 'Hanson' and I married him. Just please notice the 'sen' and 'son', big difference, seriously.

After my third trip to Korea in 2006, I decided to do some research on Google for my first family. I have known my last name was Hansen for quite sometime now. Prior to the Motherland Tour, I had received all of my adoption papers from the adoption agency. The spark for my curiosity, on the front page of my papers, there it was, a full name written in pencil with the last name of Hansen. I knew immediately that was the father's name. So here went nothing...Google, don't let me down now...

The person's name came up with a list of possible relatives so I looked up each of the relatives and the names continued to be the same. So there it was, the name and address and phone number of this person. I looked at the ages so thought maybe these were the grandparents. So I threw caution to the wind and dialed the one number on my screen. I was hoping this person would have a connection to my first family.

I dialed the number, the phone was ringing...someone answered, a female. I must have known who it was for some reason, my mother. Here is the conversation:
Me: "This may sound crazy, but did you adopt a little girl from Korea in 1971?"
Her: "Yes".
Me: "Did you have to giver her up?"
Her: Silence..."Yes".
Me: "I think I am that little girl".
Her: Silence
Me: "I just wanted to thank you and your husband for you are the ones responsible for bringing me to the United States."
Her: "Yes, we did."
Me: "I have thanked you in my heart for all these years and have always wanted to thank you."
Her: Silence
Me: "I wanted to let you know that if you ever thought of me, I am doing just fine and living a wonderful life with my own family."
Her: "That's good."
Me: "I also wanted you to know that I never held any anger or resentment towards you."
Her: Silence
Me: "I am able to volunteer and give back to the adoption agency I was adopted thru to give back."
Her: "I do a lot of volunteering too."
Me: "I live in Omaha, Nebraska."
Her: "I have a sister in Blair." (small world huh?)
Me: "How is your husband?"
Her: "He's right here, he's doing fine, we're old you know." (at this moment in time, they were ages 80 and 81) I could picture him sitting in that easy chair again.
Me: "Could you please tell him about me and that I am living a happy life."
Her: "I will."
Me: "Could you also tell my siblings if they ever thought about me, that I am living a happy life."
Her: "I will, they are ages 40-52." (four siblings)
Me: "If they would like my contact information, could you please give it to them."
Her: "I will."
Her: "I still have pictures of you, I should send them to you."
Me: "That would be great, I would really like that." (knowing full well I would never see them)
Me: "Well, that was why I called, to thank you."
Her: "Thank you, we never knew what happened to you, we thought you were sent back to Korea."
Me: "No, I was adopted by another family in Minnesota and had a great life."
Her: "Oh."
Me: "Okay, thank you, have a great day."
Her: "Okay, goodbye."

I couldn't believe I remained so calm. But all along, I was thinking of how I would have felt on the other end of the line. A few months later, I wrote her and sent her a picture of my family with a note saying this was the best accomplishment of my life. I never heard back from her, I never received any pictures from her. I knew I wouldn't.

I knew I would never hear an apology from the mother, but that wasn't the reason for the call. I just hope that after she heard from me, she could find peace within herself and be truthful about what she did since she has my forgiveness.

An Adoptee Giving Birth, Take Three

Once my son was potty trained and I no longer sported the diaper bag as my purse, my husband and I decided we were happy with our two kids and thus, we were done having kids. I was now looking forward to family vacations and making memories.

June 1996 came along and we found out we would be moving back to Omaha, thank goodness because our daughter was to start kindergarten and we did not like the school she would be going to in San Antonio. We found a house before we sold our current house but it all worked out in the end.

Just when we think we have life figured out, God gives us nudges to shake things up a little. When I heard the news story of a baby being left in the restroom in Disney World, for some reason, I felt the need to have that baby. I tried everything to find that baby. Then I talked to a social worker and she mentioned Holt...what?? Holt?? That was the adoption agency I was adopted thru! My mind started racing and there it was, my reminder of my dream as a little girl wanting to adopt a little girl from Korea.

Our adoption journey began January 1998. So much paperwork goes into an adoption so my husband and I decided to answer the questions separately then compare to see if we really did think alike, we did! That was a fun way to learn about each other. At the time of our process, since we already had a boy and a girl, we could not preference the sex of the baby, but when I talked to our social worker, I told her my wish was always to adopt a little girl. She said she would 'note' that. Now adoptees can preference the gender.

We passed the home study and now the wait began, seemed like an eternity. When the phone rang, I was expecting it to be my husband but it was our social worker. Thinking she was just checking up on us, I wasn't expecting her to tell me that she had a referral for us, meaning, a baby!! So the big question, was the baby a boy or a girl? It's a GIRL! I was shocked. I was told that we needed to pick up the paperwork at the office as we had five days to accept or decline the referral.

My husband was working a half day since we were planning a weekend trip to Minnesota. I called his office, no answer. Times like this is when cell phones would have been handy! I tried his office again, no answer!! I was bursting to tell someone so I called my mom. She was very excited for us. Finally my husband answered his phone. I asked him if he was sitting down, yes, why? Because you are going to be a father to another baby girl!!

On our way to Minnesota, we picked up the paperwork. As we started our trip, I looked thru the packet, found the little picture of the baby and what a doll! I then started reading the background information, I began to cry. I'm not sure why I started crying, was I crying for joy? Was I crying for her birthmother? Was I crying for my birthmother? Yes, all of the above. This was really the first time I had thought about my birthmother and what she did for me. Now here I was, on the receiving end of such a precious gift. Our daughter's bio was quite the bio. Looking back at my own information and lack there of, it was amazing to read so much about her birthmother. I felt like that was such a gift.

Once in Minnesota, we sent in our acceptance, even with us being in Minnesota and some paperwork needed was back home, thank goodness for my in laws getting it for us! Now the waiting began for our precious one to come home. I thought this wait would have been easier, but it wasn't because we kept looking at her picture and just wanted her home!

Getting the travel call, it was like Christmas morning in October! Our daughter was finally coming home! The day of her flight, we took our other two kids out of school early, had a nice family lunch out with another family that was getting their son that day too. We drove to Des Moines, met our greeter and another family waiting for their son. The escorts missed their connection flight in Denver, so they would be three hours late...NO!

The wait seemed so long, it really was long. But once we saw the plane land, it all hit me. My oldest daughter came running to me and put her arms around me and said, "She's finally here!" I lost it right there. This full circle moment came in a rush. I couldn't believe this was really happening. My daughter was finally home! I started crying, because I felt such pain for my new daughter's birthmother, her foster mother and my own birthmother. Such loss they all were feeling and such joy I was feeling.

Knowing she was the only girl in the bunch, we saw her immediately and what a cutie! And her hair, yes, she had the straight up Korean hair. She looked like a little doll and was just precious. I held her and at that moment, I knew our family was definitely complete. God is Good!

An Adoptee Giving Birth, Take Two

Raising a baby is not easy. Especially when the baby has colic from 6pm-10pm on a daily basis and your husband now works in Minnesota for God knows how long in the dead of winter. We made the most of it and temporarily moved our little family and dog up to Minnesota. Luckily we had my in laws to watch our brand new house for us while we were gone. It was a six month adventure that we enjoyed and treasure the memories to this day.

My husband's job situation changed since we knew him working out of town was not working for us. He was finally able to find a job in Omaha. Who knew a year and half later, we would move to San Antonio, Texas!

We settled into our new home in Texas. I was able to get into a routine of working out and my husband's company was just a mile from our house. So now that we were settled, how about baby number 2? I wasn't ready, mentally and I was just getting my pre pregnancy body back. It was too soon. But we didn't wait too long, we were expecting again in February 1994.

This time I read the pregnancy test myself, then left a note for my husband with the riddle: Roses are red, violets can be pink, what would you think if this time is was pink? (As in the color of the positive test reading.)

We went thru the usual doctor visits and sonograms. The one sonogram where you can see the sex of the baby, the technician asked us if we wanted to know, we both said no. At the end of the session, she asked us again and I told her I already knew. My husband was shocked that I already knew. So I told him, it was only fair.

My husband was still in shock when we got into to car, we were expecting a boy! He even started to cry, such a softy. He got nervous tho, he wasn't sure how to raise a boy, he was used to raising a girl! I told him it would all be ok, he would just have different body parts!

The morning of my checkup, the doctor sent me into have another ultra sound because my stomach was not measuring the same as the week I was pregnant. Wanted to make sure the baby had enough room! I went for the sonogram, the technician measured points here and there and told me the baby was about 5.6 lbs and that I should probably add another two weeks to my due date. Alrighty then!

That night, around 2:00am, I began having tightness in my abdomen area, I chalked it up to braxton hicks because I have had them before and plus, now I had another month till I was due! Needless to say, I was awake the rest of the night with these braxton hicks until 6:00am and I had the proof that I was actually in labor. I let my husband sleep until 7:00am then woke him up and told him I was in labor. Good morning!! We took our daughter to a friend's house and got to the hospital by 8:00am.

Get the epidural going! I had a great doctor and she was very much on my side about the epidural...but the nurses had a tough time getting the I.V. started. After two tries in both arms, the I.V. was started and now came the epidural. I was laying on my right side when the doctor asked me if the epidural was kicking in, I really had no idea since I had never had one. She told me to roll over onto my left side, so I did, she checked me out and wa-la! I was ready to deliver! After the first push, I could no long tell how hard I was pushing because of the epidural so I gave it all I had and out came our son at 10:11am! Quick delivery huh!

I looked at him and said, 'He doesn't look like he only weighs 5.6 lbs and sure enough, he weighed 7.8 lbs...um big difference! My body must stop 'cooking' at this weight as my daughter weighed 7.8 1/2 lbs at birth and she was two weeks late.

I thought my daughter looked like me when she was born, my son looked more like my husband. Funny how life works out just right.

An Adoptee Giving Birth

After graduating from college, I was busy planning my wedding. Ten months later, I married my high school sweetheart. Ten months later, I gave birth to my first daughter, but let's back up a bit.

Two months after my husband and I got married, he asked me if I was pregnant. Seriously, I hadn't even thought about it, but looking back the past month, I had missed my period. So we went to the grocery store, it was a Saturday and we needed food to make something for dinner so why not some yummy BLT's? As we checked out, all we had was lettuce, tomato, and a pregnancy test, too obvious?

We got home, I read the directions very carefully and we waited the longest three minutes of our lives...I got the test stick, didn't look at it as we were going to look at it together...it was positive. My husband flopped head first onto our bed in shock. I don't know what I was thinking, I think I was in shock too. Wow, we were going to have a baby, we were going to be parents. So the next thing to do was to make our BLT's, I was hungry!

It also happened to be Memorial Day weekend so there goes getting into a doctor on Monday! And of course, my husband was leaving for training in Chicago on Monday. It's so weird how knowing something, like being pregnant, all of a sudden the morning sickness struck, it was actually morning, noon, and night sickness. I had to deal with it the best I could, I didn't know anything else since I was new to this. We didn't want to tell family until we knew for sure after my doctor's appointment. Being around other family members that weekend was pretty tough.

The pregnancy test at the doctor confirmed I was indeed pregnant. I called my hubby and told him. I think we were both still in shock. So now what do we do? Hubby was in Chicago for training and would be there for a few months so I continued to work and deal with my morning sickness.

During the pregnancy, I never once thought about the baby having my genes and someone that will look like me, it just never occurred to me. I guess it's because I was living life and pretty secure about who I was at the time. I didn't label myself as an adoptee or the only person in my family that looked different, or being the only Asian in elementary school and being one of the very few minority kids in high school. I felt like I was like everyone else.

The birth of my daughter was quite the experience, I actually had a pretty short labor for it being my first time giving birth. Looking at my daughter, there it was, a face that did look like me! I don't think I was surprised, but it was kind of a weird feeling for me to see my daughter looking like me. I guess I was assuming she was going to look 'white' but she was a great combination of the two of us. What a blessing.

Growing Up

I would say that I was a happy kid and a happy teenager. I was the 'typical' kid all around. I wanted to be liked, I wanted to be involved, so I made it happen. I wasn't angry about being adopted, I knew this was my life so I needed to live it. Sure kids picked on me, what kid doesn't go thru being picked on, adopted or not? The teasing was worse when I was younger, kids can be very mean. The teasing actually lasted til I was a freshman in high school, really people, don't you have better things to do? I would stare down this person and try to speak with my eyes, "Really, you are picking on me, like you have room to talk!" And yes, I could be just as mean as any other kid. During all of this, I never felt sorry for myself. I saw other kids being picked on and teased around me.

What I am trying to say is being picked on as a kid does not soley mean it was because I was adopted and being Korean. I don't blame anyone for this happening to me. Kids are just mean kids all around.

As a teenager, I was very social, I considered myself as very happy. And yes, I was the 'typical' teenager too, I fought with my mom, I wanted to do things my way, I wanted to just hang with my friends, and I wanted things everyone else had. But I did work for the things I wanted, hung out with my friends, was involved in school and loved life as it was. I always liked school no matter what.

So why didn't I want to go to college? I'm not sure, it just wasn't something I felt I really wanted to do. I think I knew I wanted to be a stay at home mom from when I was very young so why spend money on college? I went to college and I did enjoy it, not the class load, I only liked school for the social aspect, not the learning aspect. I know college helped me grow up too, but then again, I was always independent.

My goals were never to be an executive in a company, I just wanted to raise a nice family. Now, at the age of 43, I have become the person that I dreamed of as that little 4 1/2 year old little girl that was locked up. But getting to my age wasn't easy either. I've made my mistakes, I have sinned, I have been selfish. I think I was fighting a fight that I didn't know I was fighting. When I look back at those times, I can see that I saw anything that I had attached myself to, it was taken away from me; my birthmother, my care takers at my orphanage, my first family(even tho that wasn't the ideal setting, they were still what I knew at the time), my nuclear family, my father.

I tried many times to push my husband away, because I was determined that I would be the one to push him away before he pushed me away. I was very lucky to have picked the person I did to be my husband, he truly has stuck with me thru the good and the bad. I felt I didn't deserve the life I had, I wasn't worthy of the good all around me. It took til my middle 30's to realize that I was worthy of all that I had in my life. I know some of these feelings were due to being adopted, but I also think most mothers go thru this. We want to focus on our families, we want to be the best wife and mother possible, so we tend to lose who we are and put ourselves on the back burner.

I finally focused on myself and allowed myself to be happy and truly enjoy all that was good around me. That opened up a whole new world for me and that has led to the person I am today. I do slip every once in awhile and get all worked up about spoiling myself so to balance it out, I give to my favorite charity, then I feel I can spoil myself. Life is good, but know that I am only human, adopted or not.

Where Your Paths Meet…

Where Your Paths Meet…

Fast Forward

After graduating from college, I married my high school sweetheart. Ten months later, we had our daughter. I became a stay at home mom from that point on. Three and half years later, our son was born in San Antonio. When they were 2 and 5, we decided we were done having kids, hubby took care of that.

Life changes when you least expect it. 1998, we decided to adopt a baby from Korea. Nine months later, our daughter came home to us. Full circle moments for me and a lot of tears. I have written my thoughts on going thru the adoption experience before. So much that you can't control, it's quite the roller coaster ride. Now our family was complete.

After the adoption experience, I decided to volunteer for Holt as a way to give back. Little did I know just how involved I would get! I am still a big volunteer for Holt today and love every minute of it. I have met so many people along the way and feel so blessed to know we are connected in some way because of adoption.

My Childhood

I had a very good childhood, it was full of family time, vacations, camping, spending time at my grandparents' farm. I got along great with my sister, she is two years older than me. Because of these great memories, I wanted my own kids to have great memories.

But let me back up a bit. My hubby always shakes his head when I say I had a good childhood because by the time I was a teenager, my parents had already divorced. Before they got divorced, I was so unhappy and uneasy with all the fighting. I remember my sister and I would clean the house, make an elaborate dinner and try to get my parents to have a 'romantic' dinner together. The fighting continued. We were told to pretend nothing was wrong when we went to visit relatives. No wonder I hate pretending to this day. I couldn't stand it, so when my parents divorced, I was actually relieved. Silence.

Okay, almost too much silence. My sister didn't take the divorce as well as I did. She needed some treatment so the attention went to her getting better. Once she got better, my mom went into trying to win my father back mode. My father ended up getting remarried to someone else. Then my mom spent a lot of time spending time with her friends. I don't think I minded, I spent all my time at my friend's house and also my boyfriend's house, my now husband. The times I did mind were the times I was forced to go out with my mom and her friends, really, I'm a young teenager, do I really want to spend time with all adults, no! I remember having some knock down drag out fights with her regarding this. I didn't know any of the adults so why should I have to spend time with all of them? Then I was forced to change churches because my mom didn't feel comfortable attending the church I grew up in. I was so angry at this change! I had friends at the church and was actually involved in the youth group, now I had to leave it all behind because she was uncomfortable being a divorced mother.

I went thru my high school years feeling like I was doing it all on my own. When I made drill team, no one was home, just me so no excitement around me except for the girls that picked me up. My mom didn't even know I made the team until I came home later that night. Remember, we didn't have cell phones back then and why would I even bother to call since no one was home anyway.

I had been babysitting since I was young with jobs here and there to pay for everything. During the summers, I wanted a job that would really take me away from it all. One job, I wanted to work on a cruise ship, my mom said no. Another summer I wanted to work as a nanny and found a job for a family on the east coast, my mom said no so I had my friend take the job instead. It ended up the family was the Coach Pitino family. I ended up cleaning hotel rooms and cleaning houses, glamorous huh.

Instead of going to college, I wanted to join the Peace Corp. My mom said no. I went to college. By this time, my sister had moved to California with a guy she had met. My freshman class load was tough with chemistry and right before finals, my mom called to tell me my father had passed away.

My Forever Family, Take Two

The background story of my current family waiting for me. My parents decided on adoption after they had trouble conceiving again after having their daughter. They requested an older child and so with that request, their social worker told them about me and the situation I was in and would they be up to adopting me. Their answer was yes. This is the picture they received of me:

No other pictures were available since this was such a touchy situation regarding the first parents. The adoption agency requested that the parents surrender me and that the adoption would never be finalized. The parents refused to surrender me.

Now the waiting began for my new parents. I am not sure how many months they had to wait, but they were told that they could receive a call any day and when that day came, I would be in their home that day. That day came on December 1, 1972. This was the little coat I was wearing that day:

I have written about this coat before on my blog. You can't tell really how small it is, but it is a size two toddler, I was 5 1/2 years old. I am not one to keep a lot of things from the past, but I still have this little coat. It's a reminder for me of what I came from and what I survived.

I remember going into my new family's apartment, now my new home. Everything smelled so different to me. I looked all around and didn't know what to think. I've been told by my mom that I didn't talk for a long time. When I would eat, I would eat so much that my stomach would balloon up, that made my mom worry so she asked some friends of hers if she should be concerned. My stomach blew up from the food because I still had malnutrition, even with being in the United States for 15 months. Guess my first mother was force feeding me bananas too, no wonder I don't like them. But I like banana bread!

I asked my mom how they dealt with me trusting them and bonding with them. She told me they held me a lot and spent a lot of time with me the first month I was with them. I also received a lot of attention at school from teachers and the principal. I was so small, I couldn't see over the counter in the cafeteria so the principal would carry me thru the line. My parents told him he had to stop doing that and treat me like everyone else.

Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are!

Since I was found, I was hoping I wasn't going back home...wrong, I was returned to my family since I was just right next door. Ya think this made my situation any better? I can remember my mother putting her hand on my cheek with the pretense of being so relieved, but I could see in her eyes the anger and could feel the harshness of her hand on my face. I had thoroughly embarrassed her.

The one time I did receive any type of sympathy was when my leg was in a cast because I had been on the back of my sister's bike and my foot got caught in the spokes and my ankle broke. Wouldn't want to kick a person when she's already down, right? Thank goodness for a broken ankle.

My next memory was a pretty drastic one. I was at my school(I never remembered going to school this whole time), my social worker was there, the principal of the school and probably some other people. My social worker showed me a picture of a family, a mother, father and their daughter. She asked me if I wanted to go live with them. I knew this was my out. I had dreamed and dreamed of getting out everyday as I sat locked up in my room. I looked at the picture and I shook my head yes. I was in this new family that same day after I had endured 15 months with the first family. How I survived, I will never know, God must have been holding onto me pretty tight.

National Adoption Awareness Month

In honor of this, I will be telling my entire life story. Some have heard it, some have not, some in detail, some not. So this will be the time for everyone to catch up on My Life and how I came to be. I got this idea from my friend, Mary, also an adoptee. You can read her blog, Candidly Speaking from the link on this page.

I need to clarify that what is written here is from my very own point of view, how I viewed my life from when I could first remember things. How I viewed life is my very own, no one can take it away from me, just like how I view life today, no one can take away from me.

So daily, if I remember, I will write about my life so stay tuned if you are interested.

I began my life journey on September 2, 1971 as I made my very long trip from S. Korea to Minnesota, USA. Here is my passport picture:

I was 4 1/2 years old. I don't remember this trip at all. Truthfully, I don't remember too much of this first year with my new family. But, the parts I do remember, not pleasant at all.

I was the adoption agency's worst case scenario, I was being physically abused, I guess by the mother. My social worker knew about this abuse, the neighbors knew about this abuse, my school knew about this abuse. Yet there I was, still in this family month after month.

My memories of this family: I remember my father sitting in the lazy-boy reading the newspaper, that's it, ever. I don't remember any of my siblings, I had four. When I had to go to the bathroom, I was instructed to inform my mother. She would then follow behind me, kick me in the back all the way to the bathroom. This happened everytime I had to go to the bathroom. I remember one time, I was in the backyard, which was rare to be outside, I had to go to the bathroom, but I didn't want to tell my mother. So I pooped in my pants, took out the poop with a leaf and hid it under another leaf.

The majority of my days were spent being locked in my room. There was a pocket door that lead to the kitchen, my mother would lock it from the kitchen. The hall door, my mother would jam a washcloth way up high in the door so I couldn't open it. I didn't have the strength or the height to reach it anyway, I was a tiny kid. I would sit on my twin bed and stare at the walls, there were no toys in my room, just my bed and a dresser.

Other days, I remember being punished for I don't know what, and my mother would grab me by my ankles and slam me against the wall. I never knew what would set her off. One day, she didn't put the washcloth in the door. I realized this was my time to run. So I quietly opened the bottom dresser drawer and took out my tennis shoes. I remember having a hard time getting them on my feet because my feet and ankles were so swollen from being beaten, but I managed to get them on.

I opened the door very quietly, looked down the hall and listened for any noise. No noise, no people. I tiptoed out of my room and down the hall. I had done it! I got out of the house and ran away!! I remember hiding in a corner of somewhere, I had no clue where. I tried to make myself as small as I could, I closed my eyes and hoped I would just disappear. No luck, people found me. I guess I got as far as my next door neighbor's garage and was hiding in the corner. But to me, it felt like a million miles away!

On Hold

My adventure to Haiti has been put on hold due to the outbreak of cholera. I'm a little bummed out, but better safe than sorry! But now I can't even go to Korea because my hubby has travel plans when the gift team trip begins...double darn.

I am anxious to travel again, it's been way too long since I've traveled internationally, I think I am going thru withdrawals big time. My hubby is doing more traveling too so that doesn't help matters.

The Holidays are approaching, maybe that has impacted my anxiousness. I will be busy enough with my daughter's upcoming cheerleading competitions so I will just have to be patient.

My Adventure Continues

I have traveled to Korea many times in the past few years...okay, seven times to be exact! I have loved every trip and cherish all the memories and friendships I have made along the way. The trips to Korea in December, the best because I was able to bring Christmas to our children we serve there. I didn't go last year, because of the H1N1 scare, I was sad to not go. This year, my Christmas giving is now going to be in...

HAITI!! Yep, a new adventure, a new place. I have to admit, I am a little scared of the unknown, but I am so looking forward to going and seeing Holt's programs there. I have been blessed enough to be able to travel where and when I want to. My goal is to travel to every country Holt serves in...amazing huh, and I WILL do it too!!

The blessings I have received in life, I feel so grateful I can give back. So stay tuned for my adventure to Haiti!

The Maturity Switch

The weekend of my board meetings always turns into at least a half week of being busy. Okay, so I make it busy all by myself trying to see friends and fit in fun things to do. That is the best part though, being with my friends, old and new, that are in the Pacific NW.

After two full days of board meetings, it was so fun to end it with a fun event at the Holt Gala and Auction on Saturday night. I have some wonderful friends that I click with and that is where the maturity switch comes into play. We have so much fun together and we laugh a lot!!

I hosted a table at the gala, what a great group I had too! We did a lot of laughing so there lies the maturity switch. We were doing fine until someone broke HIS fork right in the middle of someone's speech! Our entire table was doing the 'church laugh'. I could barely keep it together and of course, I have to be the board member at the same time. I don't think I did a good job of keeping it together.

Then came dinner and as we are eating, another fork gets broken!! OMG!! This was the spouse of the first person that broke the fork. Let's just say our table was out of control with laughter!

So I should explain the silverware. The handles were bamboo and the eating portion was the regular silverware. So the handles broke off very easily, as my two table guests found out.

My table continued to have a blast, as I was determined to win a dessert for my table at any costs, seriously!! Our table burst into a loud cheer when I won the bid. Was the cake worth what I paid for it? NO, but it was fun nonetheless bidding and winning and the money is all for the children!

I am blessed to have such great friends to share in such fun events and I thank them for making it even MORE fun with all the laughing we did! Now where was that maturity switch?

Does Passion Matter?

To me, yes, it matters tremendously. To some, no. What is on a person's resume is more important than already showing you have a passion for something without even being told to be involved. So if someone is involved already, won't they remain involved? Yes.

Parts of today were disappointing because I was showed that we still label people. I've lived with labels all my life and I try not to do that myself. Why would I want to do that in my adult life and label other adults? And in the environment I was in, it was even more disappointing.

When you have a passion for something, you show it in your persona, because it is a part of who you are. I'm hoping that people would look at me and know that I have a great passion and will show it to the world. But, I don't do it to be in the spotlight, I do it so as to spark others to follow their passion.

Though today was disappointing, I will move on and continue to show my passion.

Beauty=Pain

I'm not sure why I think I can look classy and beautiful in heels and come out at the end of the day feeling great. One day of wearing heels and I'm miserable. I love shoes, I love cute and fancy shoes, I love cute and unique shoes. But now I am paining for the cuteness. Tomorrow, so much for wearing heels again. I need to 'heal' for Saturday night in order to really be cute in my new shoes for the Gala and dinner auction. Not sure if I can walk in the heels, but like every other woman, I will fake it and just look H-O-T! (I think)

The Long and Short of It

I can't remember the last time I had my hair cut, but I do remember that at that time, I was planning on cutting off 10 inches and donate to Locks of Love. But I was a little nervous about cutting so much off and so the stylist talked me out of it. Ever since then, I have regretted not cutting it off and donating it. Maybe that is why I hadn't cut it until now.

We all have our comfort zones and I felt mroe comfortable with my long hair, but it was time to cut it off. It really was too long and it was actually getting in the way of everyday life: shutting it in the car door, leaning on it while driving and restricting my head turning, sleeping at night and having so much hair everywhere so I had been piling it on the top of my head in a bun to sleep.

I'm not one to have a specific hair style, just plain and long:


The opportunity came along to donate to Locks of Love again, my third time actually. Some Holt families participated in the Omaha marathon yesterday and Locks of Love was one of the charities the marathon was recognizing, along with Holt International. So I set out a challenge for Team Holt to get at least 20 runners and I would cut off my hair.

We exceeded the 20 participants so here's my hair right before it was going to be chopped off, on stage, in front of everyone present at the marathon.


And really, I am not one to be in the spotlight, really. But anything for a good cause, I will do it, because it is not about me. Here I am after the braid was cut off!


The girl next to me in the picture, she had a ton of hair too and this was her first time donating her hair to Locks of Love. Her mom was more nervous than she was though! I hope she likes her short hair. I know she will go thru cutter's remorse, as I have gone thru that. But once she realizes her hair growing again, she will feel so much better about what she did. This is such a simple way of giving something of yourself that we take for granted.

A Pain in the Gas!

Recovery is going well and I am able to move around, slowly, but at least move around. The incisions are not as sore, well, on the outside, maybe the inside hurts? I'm not sure, because I can't distinguish between pain from surgery vs the gas pains. That is what confuses me. Why the heck am I having so much trouble releasing gas when none of those organs were even touched?

I'm not a doctor and I don't play one on tv but really, this gas situation. Great topic huh. But seriously, why can't I just let it out without it being so much work? I know, tmi...

Climbing Mt. Everest

That has never been a life goal of mine, but my Mt. Everest was my own bed. We all know the feeling of coming home to our own bed after being away. When I came home from the hospital, my excitement was building as I was thinking of being in my own bed and getting some rest. If you have ever been in the hospital, you know you don't get any rest there!

As I got ready to snuggle into bed, I stood beside it and there it was, Mt. Everest. I had forgotten how tall my bed was. My trusty hubby was beside me on the ready to give assistance, but scared he would make me hurt if he touched me wrong. So one big breath and one knee up, wow, where the heck was my finger hold to pull myself up? I found my body pillow, held on tight and pulled up my other leg. There I was, on all fours, finally on my bed. Deep breath. Now what? I had to turn around to lay down. As I scooted around on all fours, I looked like an animal tampering down the area before settling down. Quite the site I'm sure.

As I sat down, I slowly began the process of laying down, I now looked like a turtle not wanting to be on her back. Holding my breath, grunting, ohhing, yes, another pretty site, but the comfort of my bed, oh so worth it!

After a nap came the task of getting out of bed. I don't have the luxury of the hospital bed so here it goes, getting out of a completely flat bed. I was figuring out how to roll onto my right side, so now I looked like one of those beetles stuck on it's back with arms and legs grasping at air. I rolled to my side, got my legs untangled from the covers, big breath! I pushed myself up and sat on the edge of the bed, phew! My feet are far from the floor, but luckily I can sort of slide off of the bed.

Wow, how many times am I going to go thru this ordeal? But today, I am feeling better and I have mastered my Mt. Everest.

Summer IS Over

Some may think our summers are very short, okay, they are but that's the way I like it. My kids have been back to school since August 11th and 12th. My oldest will leave this Wednesday.

Though the summer was short, a lot of change occurred. My son got his first job, my oldest daughter had her first full-time job. Then came their growth personally. With summer came maturity. With maturity came appreciation. With appreciation came an enjoyable summer.

Though we had to endure a month of remodeling(remind me to never do a remodel again)we all had a wonderful summer. With my oldest daughter heading back to school Wednesday, our household will change once again for the year. All the kids have their set responsibilities with school work and holding a job during school for the two oldest.

For my youngest daughter, the year will be full of 7th grade and competing regionally and nationally on a very high level cheerleading team. Will be a challenge for her, but a good challenge, one we are all looking forward to.

With our kids back in school, the year brings change for my hubby and myself. I go in for surgery this Friday and I will gain the freedom I have wanted for such a long time. I want to vamp up my traveling again and this will allow me to do just that. For my hubby, he will continue to face the challenges with his job. Though frustrating at times, he has gotten a grasp on how to handle it better. With my new freedom coming up, that frees up the worrying my hubby does regarding me.

We are all looking forward to this upcoming school year, summer was great, but here's to a wonderful fall!

Pet Peeve

Or am I just too OC? Most would probably think the latter. When it comes to my bed, I am very picky, not about how gorgeous it looks, because it truly needs help in that category, but in how it's made.

I have always been very picky about how a bed should be made, like in the military. The sheets need to be very tight and tucked in, no bumps anywhere and should be even on all sides. And no, I don't do the quarter test, but don't even go there.

Then it comes to sleeping in the bed. You guessed it, I must sleep with the sheets and blankets completely straight. Even during the night and rolling around, the sheets must be straight, so in the morning, all that needs to be done is to pull the sheets and blanket back into their rightful place.

Looking at my side of the bed in the morning, one would think no one even slept in it. Now my hubby's is a way different story. His sheets and blankets are everywhere, even the fitted sheet corner has come off the mattress. There lies the issue, the pet peeve. I have tried everything known to mankind out there to secure that darn corner, the good ole garter looking thing, the clips, extra deep pocketed sheets...still no luck...until NOW!

Ta Da!:


It doesn't look like much, but wowee, zowee! It works! These unfold so you wrap on top of the corner then put your fitted sheet over it and wham bam, thank ya mam, the fitted sheet stays put!! (can you tell I'm excited over this?) My other hint, put one of these directly on the mattress, then put the mattress pad cover over it, then another one of these handy dandy things on top of the mattress pad for the fitted sheet.

Now I can get a good night's sleep knowing the fitted sheet corner is in it's place. The rest of hubby's side, I will just have to look away...

Looking Back...

25 years from high school graduation this past Friday night was fun and enjoyable. This reunion was very casual which made it nice for everyone in attendance. We had a nice turnout, not too many, but with late notice, it wasn't bad.

I sent out 416 invitations, but not too many show up for these things. Not sure the reasons behind it, besides the usual distance and busy lives. As the person 'responsible' for planning the reunions, the title I gained because my hubby was class president, thanks dear, I do it to give people the opportunity to catch up with old friends and find new ones.

Talking to many of those that attended, everyone had very positive reactions and thoroughly enjoyed themselves. It was great being able to catch up with everyone. The life stories varied, I found out my class has some strong people with what they have experienced thus far. It's amazing what you learn as adults of a classmate's background when all that seemed important in high school was who you were friends with and what you were doing. Everyone was genuine and so grown up! Always nice to see grown ups acting like grown ups.

I had one classmate tell me that he really appreciated all of my hard work and that this reunion was what he really needed at this time in his life. His perspective has changed thru/out his life with the many challenges he had faced in his past. Being able to reconnect with his high school friends was very important to him and that his priorities in life are now about people. THAT makes all the hard work and headache so worth it to plan these.

I thank those that attended, it was great catching up with everyone. I wish everyone the best for the next 25 years and I will see you again to celebrate!

Change is Coming

And I am SO looking forward to it. It's about my health, my lifestyle, my well-being, physical and especially emotional. I am probably in the very minority(seems like I am always in the minority)thinking the way I do, but for the past few years, I have been miserable.

This is what is right for me, it may seem drastic, but I believe in being realistic and taking things head on and getting it over with now and not have to go thru multiple trials.

I am looking forward to a bright future, being able to live life the way I want to, not being 'caged' in because I know what to expect or being surprised by the unexpected.

And no, this has nothing to do with my marriage! I am happily married and love my life. I just get to enjoy it more and really to the fullest...soon!!

First Day of School and I Celebrate!

Why is it that I feel like I am the only parent that ever celebrates the first day of school? Do I look like a horrible mom that doesn't want her kids at home? Um, no. I just know that I don't like to hear the words, "I'm bored" in the household and my kids know NOT to even udder those words in my house.

Going back to school is good for everyone, even if my kids don't realize it. They need a day and week of school to appreciate the weekend and the sense of freedom. The weekend is enough time for socializing, correct? Heck, before my kids realize it, they will be celebrating their last day of school!

And now I can have my days to myself, again. But they are filled with the daily tasks of laundry, picking up the house, updating calendars, grocery shopping, dinner planning, etc. All the fun things!

As my kids start school and countdown the days to the last day of school, I will continue to cherish everyday of silence.

Back to Normal

We had a very busy weekend, but our household is finally back to normal, meaning we are done with the remodel! Fine-A-Lee!! It's been a long remodel, but that is to be expected, right? Ugh, no more projects!!! Okay, maybe one more...if I can remain sane! This one isn't that big of a deal though, really, yeah, uh huh....

We switched my oldest daughter into the upstairs room and the guest room downstairs. Both look great! I'm just glad it is D-O-N-E!

Basic Skills for a Cause

I learned how to knit when I was very little, but never got past the basic stitch. I learned how to crochet when I started my career after college. Once again, I never got past the basic stitch.

Once I learned how to crochet, everyone in my family received blankets that year. Then a few years later, everyone received scarves that I had knitted.

So with all this 'creativity' streak, I had a lot of yarn left over. I have been meaning to donate it to my church to use towards quilts. Here we are today and I still have that box of yarn. Sure sign of laziness on my part.

But, I can redeem myself. Yesterday, I read my church's newsletter and there it was, a call for prayer shawls. I called the person in charge and I asked her if I could make the shawls with my basic skills. 'Of course you can!' she told me. So there was my solution for the box of yarn that was intended for my church anyway.

I had heard of prayer shawls a few years ago. That fascinated me, but I never went further with the fascination. Now I can. I can use my basic skills, pray over the shawl and make a difference in someone's life. Such a little gesture, but something I am able to do. I find it heart-warming to know that my little gesture will give someone comfort, a hug, a prayer in their time of need.

Now that box of yarn for my church IS going to the church, a few years late, but in such a great form! I hope the person(s) that receives my prayer shawl(s) feels the comfort, love, gratitude, blessing, and prayer for healing I have put into making the shawl. Amen.

For a Good Cause

For those that read my blog, you know the charity of choice for me is Holt. But I do have other charities I support. One is Locks of Love. I donated my hair many years ago, 10 inches is quite a lot of hair if you measure it. Then a few years later, I donated my hair again.

I've been thinking of doing this again over the years and the one time I was going to chop it off, the hair dresser talked me out of it. I've regretted that ever since. So now it's come up again, should I or shouldn't I? This time around though, I don't want to cut my hair. I know I will have cutter's remorse. I know this is only because I am so used to having long hair.

I don't have a hair style either. I've just let it be long and straight for a long time so I'm in a rut or my comfort zone. I don't get it cut on a regular basis, it's rare I will get it cut professionally. I just have never gotten into doing that.

Now I've made it a challenge to raise more money for Holt thru the Omaha marathon in September. Locks of Love is another charity for the marathon so now I have two charities in one place, so why not cut my hair at the marathon? Because I don't 'want' to cut my hair!

But it's for a good cause, for both charities. I set out the challenge, if Team Holt gets 20 registered walkers or runners for the marathon, I will cut my hair.

I can't back out now! Will I be saying good-bye to my long hair in September? To be continued...