The Loss of a Parent

Lately, I have had friends around me lose a parent. When I go to write in the sympathy card, I'm not sure what to write to make the loss any easier. I think of losing my father at such an early age and I try to think of what words would make me feel better if I had lost him at this time in my life. Then I think to myself that losing a parent at any age is hard. The pain and loss doesn't really seem real until later.

Losing my father when I was 18 years old, I think of the loss of time I had with him. I think of my husband, though we dated at such an early age, never really got to know my father. I think of my children not having the chance to know my father, their grandfather. I think that is the hardest part for me. I would have loved for my kids to have known my father, to laugh with him like I did. He is the one that gave me my sense of humor, thank goodness!

I know my dad would have loved my kids and they would have loved him. Seems so strange to me that my own family never knew my dad. I think of how I will pass on my father's legacy; it won't be thru any names, but thru my sense of humor and looking at having fun in life. I love you dad and I miss you.

A New Season

Fall is upon us, officially today. Usually I think of Fall starting when my kids start school in the second week of August. When I had a 'youngin' still at home during the start of school, I would walk one of the elementary schoolers and push the younger one in the stroller to school then off to the neighborhood park. As I would push the stroller, the leaves would fall around us like it was raining, but they were showers of leaves and the sound of them crunching under the wheels of the stroller were extremely relaxing. Well now my youngest is in her last year of elementary school and I do not walk her to school nor do I walk in the park.

It's just not the same without pushing a stroller. I did this with each child and now I the time has come where I sit and look out the window at the Fall leaves. I don't mind seeing the leaves from my window, it still relaxes me as I remember each of my kids and our time together walking in the park.

I love the change of seasons, what a magical moment to see everything in nature change. I can't believe how fast time goes by. No wonder I treasure every moment. Today, the first day of Fall and it's raining. I love the rain as it perks everything up outside. I know some people don't like the rain or the overcast skies, but I love it, because around the corner will be the ray of sunshine people are always searching for.

Stay Tuned...

I will be blogging about yet another Christmas trip to Korea in December! I'm so excited, the time is getting closer and just found out flight reservations are being made!! YES!!

Nine Years Ago Today..

I was in surgery to remove an AVM from above my right ear...brain surgery of all things! Crazy to think I even had brain surgery and it wasn't an easy one(is brain surgery ever easy?). I was in surgery for 7 hours!! When I woke up in recovery, I heard my doctor talking and heard the time and wow, I couldn't believe I was in surgery for that long. Once I figured out I was awake, I made sure to run down the names of my family members and move my arms and legs to make sure all was working...everything worked and I had my memory!

I was brought into icu and I had asked my nurse about my husband and my mom. Needless to say, I had the nurse from hell, she was not in a good mood. Throughout my life, I have used my sense of humor to get thru the good and the bad so of course, I tried using it on my nurse, but she just didn't get it. I made sure to give my feedback on her when I was able to function later. I know we all have bad days at work and my nurse was at the tail end of her shift when I came in, but really, I had just survived 7 hours of brain surgery!

So today always marks a huge day for me. I am still alive and I have use of all of my bodily functions and I have my memory intact(sometimes my husband wishes parts of my memory would have been lost..)but he too is very grateful that I made it thru the surgery. At the time of my surgery, my kids were 7, 5, and 18 months old. That was THE hardest morning for me ever in my life, hugging all of my kids before I left for the hospital. I am crying now just remembering that morning. Then as I was being rolled to pre-op, I had to say goodbye to my husband...my best friend since I was 14 years old, that was the scariest feeling and then I was alone in pre-op. All I could think of was I wanted to be asleep so I didn't have to feel so scared and alone, it took awhile for anyone to come in, felt like an eternity!

I am so grateful to my skilled surgeon. I can't believe I would have ever needed a neurosurgeon in my lifetime. But I am grateful for finding this ticking time bomb when I did, it was by a fluke chance that I had insisted on getting a CT scan. I don't have any noticeable scars, but the scar is from the middle of my forehead, all the way down the side of my head to the front of my right earlobe. I was actually shocked at first to see such a big incision, but heck, if that's what it took to get the AVM, then it's okay because I do not want to go thru that again!

I am here today with so much to be thankful for, that is why I live my life to the fullest everyday. It's not a cliche for me, it's a lifestyle!