The Gift of Jet Lag

Always hits me on the 2nd and 3rd days. I slept great last night, but now, as you can see, I am wide awake.

So I will post about the greatest gift of all from my trip. Enduring the 9 1/2 hour flight to San Francisco, the delay out of San Fran onto Denver, 3 hour layover, then home to Omaha...worth every minute(hours)because we brought two babies home to their families!! I can't tell you what this experience is like, you just have to do it. I am the delivery nurse-the greeter for Omaha where I help the families at the airport when their children come home. This is now my 3rd time being the delivery doctor.

It is amazing the bond that is created in this amount of time traveling, but it really happens. And when that little baby trusts you, your heart just bursts. Everyone teases about how hard it would be to give the babies to their families, but for me, it's not hard at all. I've been on the receiving end of all this so I know what the parents are going thru and I wouldn't want to spoil the moment for them.

The two boys we brought home were 9 and 10 months old. What precious cargo we were in charge of but we were determined to get these precious babies home for Christmas! Imagine that, these parents get to celebrate their sons' first Christmas together! So heart-warming to know that as I celebrate with my children, these parents will be celebrating with theirs.

But the bonus too, there were four babies that our team escorted home to their families!! What a Merry Christmas!!!

A Day of Hope and Grace

I knew what today's event would entail, I have been preparing for quite sometime now, but when it comes right down to it, I am not prepared at all. I haven't described the other days' events because I haven't processed this week quite yet. But today, what an emotional day as an adoptee, mother, and an adoptive mother.

Our day was spent touring a facility for unwed mothers outside of Seoul. I've known about this shelter for a couple of years now, but this was my very first visit. What an oasis for mothers that are pregnant and not married. The support and education they receive would otherwise not be provided for them if this facility didn't exist. How tragic for a mother if that were to occur when her life is in turmoil over how to care for herself, let alone the birth of her child.

When an unwed mother is not accepted in her own family or by her own culture, this place becomes her home and the staff and other mothers become her family. So the name of this shelter translates to 'Graceful Garden'. I loved the logo for this shelter, a tree with hearts as it's leaves.

As I mentioned, I've known about this shelter only because my husband and I helped a little. And to go there in person and see the name, 'Graceful Garden'; my youngest daughter's Korean name translates to 'Grace'. How fitting is that, that this facility would be for birth mothers and with my small involvement of support, my daughter's name is forever a part of it. I have always been grateful to my birth mother, never knowing her, but knowing she made the most heart-wrenching decision of her life and my youngest daughter's birth mother did the same.

Graceful Garden gives these mothers a sense of Hope, no matter the choice they will make for their babies. My Hope for them is that they never regret the choices they make. A mother's love never dies when there is Hope and Grace.

My Family Back Home and Here

My family back home, they get all the fun! NOT! The first day I was gone, I heard from my husband that my son had gotten sick during school so now he was home with the stomach virus.

I catch up on emails at the wee hours of the morning when I wake up and now read an email from my husband, that while having to drive 2 1/2 hours home with our youngest daughter, after a fun-filled day of cheer leading competition...he's not feeling well. I almost laughed at his description but then again, I was laughing so I wouldn't cry...He had to concentrate on driving and not stop or he wouldn't have made it home.

So the email continues with our youngest daughter waking up from sleeping in the back seat , yep, you guessed it...she got sick...oh dear. They managed to get out of the car(for the most part). Somehow my husband found his way home, deep breathing as if in labor. Now he is in and out of the bathroom himself, let alone, our youngest daughter. No Christmas program for her at church!

Then I get a another email from my youngest daughter saying she is so excited about going to cheerleading practice Monday to see if see if she will work out as a 'flyer'(the person that gets tossed in the air). Um...if she's got the stomach virus...I wouldn't want to be her base group! Hope she's feeling better because her email, she was so darn excited!

Now I am praying my oldest daughter won't get this stomach virus...not fun! And I go home in two days...I hope I don't get it either, with that and jet lag!! I will be worthless until the new year!!

I have a warped sense of humor sometimes, but reading my hubby's email at least gave me something to write about here. This is my 4th time with this gift trip, but I am not able to write about it for some reason. Don't get me wrong, I am loving every second of the trip. I think I am processing it differently this year. The places I have gone to, I've been to many times before. I've seen the same children/adults now for several years(including the two other trips not related to this team).

I think my processing is different because as I think of my family back home, all of these children and adults I see here, they too are my family, but I only see them once or twice a year. I feel attached to everyone here and now I am emotionally tied into them. I want for them what my children have and what I have. The staff that care for the children, the staff that work so hard to keep our mission going, they are my family too, for without them, these children would not be getting the love they so deserve.

I get teased because I go on this trip so often, but my worst fear is that if I don't go, the needs will not be met and the toys, supplies and extras will have to be put back on the shelf. I have faith in those that will go, but I understand what happens in the background. Plus, thinking that I won't start off my Christmas season by bringing Christmas here, I'm not sure how I am going to feel. I'm not making any sense here, I know, but it is hard for me to describe. I guess it's because I have a hard time allowing myself to enjoy all the blessings I have unless I share them first.

Why I even get emotional over this, no one has specifically said I 'can't' go on this trip again...so I will wipe up my tears now and meet the day with the same passion I meet everyday I am here, with gratitude and excitement and most of all, with HOPE.

Pictures

Who is this group of ladies at Ilsan?

My Aunt Jeanne is the one that noticed:So had to do the Kodak moment and get Jeanne in the group since Jeanne works for the American Red Cross:

My all-time favorite picture, to share in this moment with the person I am sharing the trip with:
This is looking down over the valley of Ilsan from the resting place of Harry and Bertha, so fitting for them to still watch over their children:

And then we come to our 'fearless' leader:

I wanted to post this for Kora:

And now we are ready to play Santa!

Thoughts of the trip from my Aunt

Here I am a 1/2 a world away in a country where almost everyone looks different than I, language is not my language and even the written words are unrecognizable. It is an interesting experience listening to someone speak and not understand what they're saying until someone interprets it for us. It is interesting to see the effects of war in a divided country some 50 years after a cease fire. Barbed wire along the freeway as we travel north to Ilsan today-closer to the DMZ and North Korea. Farming vegetables in greenhouses. Stories of families divided. Onto our destination-Holt Ilsan Center to host the Christmas party for the residents. An oasis of love between Seoul and North Korea for special needs children and adults. We bring them Christmas, but the gift they give us is so much more. The first stop we made is to the administrative building. Can you imagine my surprise when I see a group of women wearing yellow vests that say Korean Red Cross! Kim-it's a Kodak moment! They are one of many volunteer groups that come to hep with occupational therapy or lend a hand wherever they can once a month. How providential is that! Kim tells me that she has never encountered the Red Cross here on any of her prior 3 visits!

I hear people in our group say Ilsan is a magical place. I understand. If you look and listen with your heart, you see a place teeming with dedication to creating a loving home environment and family. The residents help each other and dedicated staff help each resident achieve their highest level of functioning. We separate up into 2 groups and staff have 'Santa bags' for each of us to deliver. Our shoes come off at the door and the residents are excitedly awaiting their presents. My turn finally comes. I have been coached on Korean etiquette and I remember how to present a gift! Would you believe he Red Cross is present in the group I am selected to present to? The timing was random! The special event is yet to come! This day is something the residents look forward to all year. A party for everyone in the gym with Santa!

There is a Christian group that uses traditional Korean instruments to play Christmas carols. The tune is the same but the words-in Korean! We have someone at our table to translate. Our turn to sing! Our group, led by Addi and Hannah, perform Jingle Bells in English!

We also have the opportunity to give special presents to special residents. I was able to present a bowling set to a resident. He was shaking he was so excited and happy! What fun and what memories!

Other memorable moments occurred yesterday at the luncheon to recognize and honor the foster mothers and after that walking over to the Holt Reception Center to play with the babies! I was able to feed cereal to an older baby and then hold one of the younger ones. He got tagged with the nickname 'little Elvis' thanks to his hairdo! What a sweetie!

The exciting news we here today-4 babies will be meeting their new American families before Christmas with us as their escorts! More baby time! More bubble up time I'm sure! Kathy-you know what I mean! It is an amazing experience overall. One that will take awhile to process. Many memories to hold in my heart.

A Foster Mother's Love

The speech given by a foster mother:

"Five years ago, I had a mind to give someone a helping hand and started taking care of Holt children. At the right moment when the child was held in my arms for the first time, I was deeply moved looking at the child's eyes and my heart was full. Little children look like angels. I thought they are my daughter and my son, and devoted myself to taking care of them. When children are with me, they carry my thoughts back to the past. Someday suddenly the child is sick and is fretful and I hold the child in my arms and I sat up for the whole night without sleeping a wink. The child cries endlessly day and night and I am bathed in tears and it makes me sad and broken-hearted from time to time. I could not express myself how difficult I am, how broken-hearted I am, and how happy I am....etc. I heartily hope the child will be adopted by good parents and the child will grow up happily and healthily in the child's new home. As the child's departure date is coming closer and closer, my heart is palpitated flashily. I am in absent-minded for a while. I have a pang of sorrow thinking that I have to part from the child. I decided not to shed tears of sorrow because the child goes to her new nice home for the sake of the child's better life in the future, but I cried with the loud sounds shedding tears incessantly on my face when the child's back view disappeared from my sight. For the sake of the happy life in the future I have to bury the child's figure in my heart. Those pains make me tears. However, when I look at the child's pretty and healthy appearance a when i received the child's picture and letter from the child's new parents, I am very happy to see her pretty and healthy appearance in the picture. You do not know how happy I am at that time. Today I pledge myself to see the lovely child. So, I am here now. I do not know I can get a prize like this and I am thankful to Holt and I am pleased to receive this prize, but I am very much shamed. I have a pride in my own way, so I am still working for Holt. However, I am not a proper person to get praised from the people. I am so sorry to many children. When I am with children, I do my best for them. However, after leaving them, I am so sorry not to do my best for children. I did not hold children in my arms more often and I am kicking myself not to give them my love. I do not know how long I keep my work for children. meeting children, and soon I have part from them. It is a great pity that I have to part from children and it makes me hurt in my heart. On the other hand, I am happy with labors. I think it is a mission which is given to me by God.

I will pray to God for children and their family, I assure all of you that I will do my best for children and I will take care of them prettily with all my hearts and love."

Deeper thoughts

As I re-read my blog entry from yesterday, I realize I didn't go into much detail about the day, but so much of this trip is emotional and it takes a few days, even weeks, to process what one experiences.

And the fact that I was very tired, didn't help, but I wanted to write something about my day so everyone back home would know what was happening.

Yesterday, one of the foster mothers spoke about her feelings regarding being a foster mother and caring for our children. We were handed the translation of her speech and as she was speaking, I began to read it...well, needless to say, I couldn't read past the first few lines before I had to get my sunglasses. I actually had to stop reading it. I hope to get permission to write her speech on here and then you will know why I needed my sunglasses...gosh darn it...I'm tearing up again just thinking about it. Stay tuned...

When the luncheon was over, I got my baby fix. We were able to go to the Holt Reception center and play with the babies. I got one little guy to laugh, it was one of those short, sweet laughs that you just can't stop but laugh with him when you hear him and I continued to make him laugh by saying boo to him. I could have taken this little guy home with me...don't worry family, I didn't smuggle him out...but I was oh so close!

Another gift team member was holding a little girl right before we were to leave and the poor little girl did the scene from 'Four Christmases' where the baby throws up. That's right, I didn't jump right up to help or I would have done it too! I know my family is shaking their heads right now...Ok, so I'm not good with that stuff, I can admit it! And I found out that my son has the stomach virus...um, good timing on my part to be away, not that I don't want to be home to take care of him, but the fact my hubby didn't need that on top of me being gone! Hope he starts feeling better soon and hope no one else at home gets it! Yuck...(Crossing my fingers)

What a wonderful surprise for me this early, early morning to open my email and receive a message from my friend who went on this trip with me last year. What a huge heart she has. She so wants to be on this trip with us so she has sent a wonderful donation for toys for our trip to the orphanage tomorrow. What a wonderful friend, she is my Utah Sistah, we were two peas in a pod last year. And with this last minute generosity, I know she knows the true meaning of Christmas, it's about giving because we have been blessed. I love her for that. Everyone knows that Christmas for me is about giving and making it the best for everyone possible and now I received this wonderful gift from my friend and for that, I thank her and love dearly with my whole heart. She calls me Kimchee because I am Korean(duh) and spicy!! Thank you, thank you, you made me need my sunglasses, but thank goodness I am in my room alone so I can let the tears flow as they may...

Love and hugs to everyone back home!!

The Hardest Job in the World

Here is the Gift Team watching the History of Holt video at the Holt Korea offices:

We all got a nice treat from some members of the Ilsan choir as they sang Christmas songs for us. We can all learn a great deal from these choir members, they sing with gusto and is so inspiring:

After the official ceremony of honoring our foster mothers, they too, must be in a group photo:

I say these foster mothers have the hardest job in the world, for they give of themselves with their whole heart to care for our children until they are placed with their forever family. I always say the toughest part of raising a child is from an infant to six months, then they 'start' being fun. Our foster mothers raise and love our kids during these months over and over again, child after child. They truly are our angels watching over our angels. We honored foster mothers for their service of 5-35 years and those that were retiring.

During the luncheon and ceremony, the two young girls on our team met their foster mothers. I will not tell what happened, because this is their story to tell and their parents that were able to attend this trip with them. Just as an observer, adoptee, mother, and adoptive mother, these types of reunions touch my heart greatly. To see the joy on the faces of the foster mothers, pure sunglasses moment(for when I cry).

Here is our tour leader showing us how to make and eat the traditional Korean BBQ...needless to say, I l-o-v-e this dinner, my all time favorite!! Man it's good to be back in Korea and eat Korean food!! I even ate kimchi for breakfast!! As my hubby would say, it's in my blood...oh yeah baby!!!

Here is my Aunt at our Koren BBQ dinner, and yes, we are sitting on the floor! And no, that is not her beer!!

I slept thru the night!

It always amazes me that I can sleep thru the night on my first night here. Guess not being able to sleep on a 13 hour flight has it's advantages! So here is what I look at when I think I have been traveling for SO long on the flight:

I think to myself, 'Wow, I have been flying for a long time now', then look at the monitor and realize, I still have 8 MORE hours of flying!!!

Then I look at this:

And realize how cool is that! To see myself crossing over the international date line. This always gets me tho, it messes me up on my days and when I finally think I have it down, I mess it up when I talk to my family back home. Oh well, Koreans can have blonde moments too!!

We arrived at the airport and everyone's luggage arrived and no one got stopped at customs!! So here is the 2008 Holt Gift Team, one of many group photos to come. The Gift Team consists of volunteers from Oregon, Washington, Nebraska, Iowa, and Ohio:

In Korea and Tired

To say the least! I am not one to sleep on the plane, I sure wish I could tho on such a long flight! It does help to be seated in economy plus, even for my short legs. I am off to bed, way too tired and we have a full day tomorrow. I will write tomorrow!! Good night or good morning for most of you! Love and miss you all!!

Korea or Bust!

I can finally say I am ready for my trip! Christmas cards are done and ready to mail...the trees are decorated...the schedule is typed out for my family...and I am almost packed, which is saying a lot since I usually don't pack until the night before!

The next time I will post will be from Korea...I am so excited so stay tuned!

Thanks Mom, for the Reminder...

That TODAY is MY Gotcha Day! Wow! I haven't thought about my own Gotcha Day in a long time, probably because I am always so busy with living life! For those that do not know what a 'Gotcha Day' is, it is the day when a child joins their forever family. So today is my 36th anniversary of the day I joined my forever family...amazing. And to think of how far I have come in my life...

I have been so blessed, though the road wasn't always easy, but with the all the challenges, it made me that much more of a stronger person. I really wouldn't trade my experiences, for all of them, the GOOD and the bad, made me the person I am today. I was given a wonderful chance at life and happiness and I am proof that dreams really do come true! How lucky am I to have a wonderful family of my own and be able to give back to those that have truly been instrumental in giving me this life!

In eight days, I will depart for Korea. I get the wonderful opportunity to give back to Holt, but in reality, I am the one that receives the wonderful gifts of seeing our dedicated Holt-Korea staff, our foster families, and most of all, the children and adults in our orphanages and at Ilsan.

No wonder this time of year always gets to me, it's the time of year I was given the gift of my forever family. Thank you, mom, and I am so happy we are sharing the Holidays together! I love you!