Depression

I just watched an interview on GMA regarding a person going thru cancer treatments, going thru remission, but then being depressed even in remission.  This brought back memories of myself feeling this way after I got the all clear for driving after six weeks of no driving due to brain surgery to remove an AVM.

One would think that a person would be too happy to be depressed after going thru a traumatic life event, no matter what the life event is/was.  That's the thing.  Once a person has gone thru the diagnosis, the treatment and procedure, the recovery, the full blunt of what you have gone thru finally hits you.  Even when everyone else has gone about their day, the reality hits.

This is what happened to me.  I was very busy with dealing with the diagnosis, what treatment to choose, the meal schedule for my family, how I would tell my kids, writing my will, more medical scans and appointments, getting thru the procedure, recovery, and post recovery appointments.  There was so much to do that I had no time to even think of what I was going thru.  I did have a great sense of humor thru/out all this tho, my saving grace for all things in life.

Then the all clear came so I could drive again.  Life went on as before for everyone so this is when it all hit me.  I JUST SURVIVED SEVEN HOURS OF BRAIN SURGERY!!  I could have lost my life or come out of surgery paralyzed or I could have lost some of my memory and I had three young kids and a husband!  And how was it that people could go back to the way things were when life was way too short and could be taken away from them in the blink of an eye?? And why didn't my husband see that life wasn't going to be the same again??  And how could he go back to life as it was??  And holy cow, why was I feeling like this??  And what was it that I was feeling anyway??  I really had no clue what it was I was feeling, so I tried to go about life like 'I was supposed to'....

But that wasn't working for me.  I wasn't sure what I was to do with my life.  I went about being a mom to my kids, but I felt like I was in a fog.  It took me awhile to see that I was actually in a depression.  No one tells you this, plus, the word depression is depressing in itself and depression has such a negative stigma attached to it and so people don't like to admit they are experiencing it.  And a person doesn't have to have a drastic or traumatic event in life to be experiencing depression.  Sometimes it just occurs and people shouldn't be ashamed of this.  We shouldn't have to hide in shame.  There's help out there.  But most aren't aware of how to identify being depressed.

I wish there wasn't a stigma attached to depression, it happens to the best of us.  It took quite a few months for me to work thru this.  My home life suffered, my kids and my husband.  Life on the outside looked ideal, but I wasn't happy, I was just going thru the motions.  Life hit rock bottom before it got better.

I am writing about this because I want others to realize that you don't have to be ashamed if you have, are, or going thru depression.  There is help out there and to please seek help.  I wish I had known that going thru such a life event would bring about depression even after given the all clear.  That's when it would have been nice to have been told by my doctors that this could happen, then maybe I could have been better prepared.  But yes, life experiences like this made me stronger, but for some, it can cost them everything.

Exercise Journey

It's been a very long time since I have exercised.  I was so committed  years ago, but I got burned out.  I had been lucky and didn't have to worry about exercising to stay in my size 4 jeans.  Lately, as I've aged, my body has slowed down too and now my size 4 jeans have become way too tight and yes, I will admit it, I have muffin tops.  And for the first time in my life, I have a belly pooch.  I have taken a picture of myself today so I can track the progress.  I will post later when I see progress, but with this public view of my blog, it's going to take me awhile to get my nerve up to post a picture, but I want to show everyone that I am a real person and have real problems with weight issues.

I won't be putting too much pressure on myself to exercise because I need to be realistic with myself.  I start something, then I quit, mainly because I develop blisters on my feet and can't continue.  I have to pace myself so I don't go overboard and burn out again.

Nothing else will change like my eating habits.  I've always been a person that loves to eat all sorts of foods including fast food.  I love Big Macs and Whoppers and french fries and eating out. I don't have any diet foods in my house, I don't believe in them.  Why eat foods that are supposedly low fat and low calorie when it's all processed?  And to make them taste good, the foods are loaded with sugar.  I can't tell you how many times I have told others this, but they don't listen, but oh well, they will find out because if you look around and see people eating these diet foods, it's not helping them lose weight.

But I digress.  This is about me and being real and showing others that you can maintain your weight by doing things in moderation and being real.  So, hope you stay with me and maybe I can motivate you also.

Korean Eyes

Being Korean, my eyes have been an issue for me when it comes to makeup, eyeshadow, eyeliner, and mascara.  Growing up and being a teenager, most girls go thru the stage of wanting to 'come of age' and wear makeup.  For me, this was very scary since I was caught in the caucasian world with Korean eyes.  I didn't have any role models to help me tackle the ways of applying makeup for my type of eyes. I went to different places to see what the 'pros' could do.  I came out looking like a clown.  Fail.

I decided that eyeshadow would not be worn by me so I stuck with mascara and eyeliner.  My eyelashes were never long.  I would be told by numerous people that they could barely see my eyelashes and did I have any?  Duh, yes I did, they were just very sparse and didn't curl up automatically because of the way my eyelids were.  I would use an eyelash curler to help with this matter.

As life continued, I decided to not use eye makeup for a few years.  Now I'm back to using eye makeup and have gotten a lot better at applying eyeliner and mascara.  With my old age, I've become more bold and am now using eyeshadow and playing around with different colors.  My other big move is trying to get my eyelashes to look fuller and longer.  I've tried the false eyelashes, that's a lot of work!  Eventually, the glue would become itchy so I tried the self stick ones but even those would itch.  I've now gone to the Latisse treatment.  Yes, it's pricey at first, but when you think of how many times you buy false eyelashes and glue, it adds up, and for me, time and frustration with false eyelashes just is a waste for me.

The Latisse does work as long as you use it nightly or daily.  I use it at night because it is part of my routine after I wash my face.  My eyelashes aren't thick, but with the Latisse, I think they have become longer and when I use mascara, I see a difference.

I'm not one to be vain, but I write about this because being Korean and having different shaped eyes and very sparse eyelashes, I want to be able to give other Asians an option when it comes to looking like we have lashes.  This also does wonders for me feeling like I look pretty and I'm more open to looking at people while batting my eyelashes, just kidding, but still, I do feel prettier.

Foot Care Continued

As I previously stated, I tried everything for my cracked heels. Here's one that I really like:

Yes, it's pricy but it actually works to smooth the icky skin on the heels. Do I use it on a regular basis? No. I should but it really does the trick when I need to get the heavy duty treatment done. 

I've tried this:

This is like using an egg shaped cheese grater. The smoothing finishing pads are good for buffing but the grater surface only made my heels worse. 

I do not get paid for any reviews. I'm just an ordinary person doing ordinary things looking for ways to improve ordinary things in my life. 

Wow, it's been way too long since I've last posted on here.  Not because I didn't have things to write about, but I've noticed that pretty much anything I wanted to write about, I could do it via Facebook.  So why start up again here?  Just thought I would start something new and post reviews and hints about what I've tried and liked or disliked about a very broad range of things.

So why not start off by being gross and upfront about my feet.  I have small feet, size 5 1/2 shoe size.  I've always bragged to my hubby about how cute my feet are, but let's be realistic, my feet, my heels to exact, were not so cute.  You know when you get dry, cracked heels?  That's me.  The truth is out.  I walk around everyday in my bare feet, why not since I'm home all day, no need for shoes in the house.

I've tried everything for my feet.  Lotions, pedicures, more lotions and still, my cracked heels never got better.  I know, life is a struggle.  The truth is, my feet had a form of athlete's foot, hate to admit that since I have such cute little feet!  And how would I get athlete's foot if I'm never in public places barefooted?  It's not that form, it's a mild form.  Just like cold sores on the lips are a form of herpes, but in a 'mild form'.

For over a week now, I've been very diligent about putting antifungal cream on my feet.  Yes, the brand name would be Lotrimin AF.  I actually use the Walgreen's brand of this, plus, as I noticed buying the actual brand name Lortimin, the Walgreen's brand is way bigger so it will last longer.  I applied this lotion on twice a day, once at night and once in the morning.  I'm happy to report that my heels are now finally 'healing' and not so cracked.  Which I must be honest, my heels were horrible!  I should have taken a picture of the before.

I'm a person for wanting immediate results with little effort and this method, as long as I'm willing to keep doing it, has been the best remedy.  Thank goodness since spring and summer is right around the corner and all I like to wear are flip flops if I have to wear shoes!

More Vacae Pictures

 

A Few Vacae Pics

Kora excited on the plane to go to Jamaica:

This was just the 'start' of the immigration line:

 A very Merry Welcome to our hotel:

The other part of the lobby:

Todd and Erika excited and relieved that we were staying at such a nice hotel.  Waiting to check in:

Kora sitting on the very tall bench:

I thought this was like our ice cream, it wasn't.  What a disappointment:

BIG knife and fork on the wall of the restaurant:

About stepped on these guys last night in the atrium:

'This' is where your butt goes on the bench in the lobby:

Skip testing the seat out, wasn't a good fit:

They were on one side of me on the beach:

And these two were on the other side of me:

We found Erika's dopleganger.  Before the trip, Erika twisted her ankle and has been hobbling all over the place.  I call her Peggy, so we found another 'Peggy' at the hotel!:

Of course I had to include the rest of the kiddos:

This is how the guys watch Sunday football in Jamaica.  And yes, that's my bed too:

Football continues: