Spring is Here!

I love this time of year, the grass, the trees, the flowers, everything comes to life! And my family's attitudes come to life also, which is very refreshing. Our patio furniture has been set out, the grill is out, we are arranging for our landscape to be refreshed, the steps have been put back on the dock...feels like we are ready to enjoy the outdoors again. I think everyone has 'summer fever' already, but it's nice to see the start of spring!

It's also a very busy time of year for us, spring sports are upon us and it's go, go, go for us daily, BUT I will take it. This is what we signed up for when we decided to become parents, seeing our kids do what they love.

The big reward for spring, the ending of the school year close by and then summer!!!

Letting it Soak in

I finished reading, "The Shack". It wasn't at all what I expected. I've been wanting to read it for sometime. I haven't read a book in quite awhile and to start with this book, amazing grace. Now that I have read this book, I have to let it soak in. It's a good soaking though. I can't put into words yet what I got out of this. I felt like I was reading my own life story though, in a way. I don't want to ruin the book for those that have not read it, so I will not go into further detail.

Am I Overly Sensitive?

I don't think so, I like to think I have common sense on what to say and what not to say around people.

Kids grow and we all know kids grow at different rates. My youngest daughter is now 4' 9". She is catching up to me! But lately, more and more people have made this comment to her, "Wow, you have really slimmed down!" Or they say it when talking to myself or my husband AND she is standing nearby. WHAT ARE THEY THINKING??? This really, really ticks me off!!!!! To me, this is telling my daughter that she WAS FAT!!

It is not like she was overweight at all!! She just wasn't a stick like some kids, but good lord, she wasn't overweight. I shouldn't even have to defend her weight, I find it really ridiculous! What does this do to her? How does this effect how she sees herself now and into the future? It's so hard raising kids nowadays, we don't need this added to it. So frustrating.

I've always hated when people commented about me being so petite. I am still amazed that adults would continue to make such comments to my daughter. Just tell her that she is getting taller!!! PLEASE!

Defining Me

We attended Omaha's annual Holt dinner and auction this past Saturday. It was a blast, as usual, and was so happy that we were able to attend this year after missing it last year. All three of my kids were able to attend with us this year, their first Omaha event, but they have attended the event in Eugene. Seems a little out of order. Anyway, we had fun, bid on quite a lot of items, both in the silent auction and the live auction. Everytime my kids would tell me what they were bidding on, I kept telling them to slow down and their response, "But it's FOR THE THE CHILDREN!" Okay, they got me on that one, so I let 'em run free!

My youngest daughter, adopted from Korea, has church requirements to attend four Lenten Services for confirmation. Very hard when she has cheerleading on Wednesdays also. So I asked if my daughter could make up for the 4th service by writing about her experience attending the auction.

My daughter wrote about bidding on items and winning them, the dessert dash, and so on and that she had fun. I asked her why is it that we attend this event? She looked at me with a blank look. No response. I thought to myself, 'really? Isn't it obvious? Still no response from her. After all of my volunteering and traveling to Korea, you would think it was obvious, but to her, it really wasn't. I told her we are a Holt family. We are grateful for our family and therefore, we give back to Holt.

So does that mean my daughter doesn't notice the difference between herself and her siblings and the kids around her? I was kind of shocked that she didn't see this. I thought for sure she would know why we do the things we do for Holt. But she just sees herself as any other kid in any other family. How refreshing. I always talk about being labeled in life and here I was, keeping the label of Holt on myself and her. She sees us as a FAMILY having a fun night out together, nothing more, nothing less.

Yes, I am a Holt adoptee, but that alone does not define me. I have to thank my daughter for reminding me of this.

It IS the Weather!

Today is the tenth day in a row of no sun, so I'm thinking it is the weather making people feel out of sorts. And now Saturday's forecast has the possibility of snow! First day of spring and we will have snow, not good.

As a mother and wife, I wish I could just put a sunny band aid on everything and make it all better. I remember as a kid I always wanted the fun cartoon band aids. My kids went thru that stage too, but I rarely bought them because they cost more than the store brand. I also knew my kids would make up boo boo's just to get the band aids. But somehow, it seemed to make things all better. If only life events and people's moods got better with just a band aid. Maybe I should splurge and go buy some FUN band aids for my family?

Spring is coming and I love watching everything come to life. I hope it also helps everyone's emotions spring to life too!

Can I Blame it on the Weather?

The snow is almost gone, just a few traces here and there. Spring is official Saturday, but leading up to it, it has been very cloudy and rainy. Spring weather for sure, but add in a few snow showers possible here and there too.

I don't think the weather has really affected my mood like some others. I actually like winter and I like rainy days. BUT!! Those around me and things around me seem to be in a funk. So how do I stay positive for them? We've all heard the saying, "Fake it til you make it", and for me, I have done that at various times in my life and I know others have too.

This doesn't mean I go out and buy everything in the world because others have what I want, common sense. Doing that would put anyone in a funk after receiving the bills and you dig yourself deeper. To me, it means I have to change my attitude. Denying doesn't help situations either, so I don't do that. Reading inspirational quotes can help others, but they are only words if you don't truly live in reality. But when others around me and things around me seem to be off kilter, how do I help?

I know there are things in life I cannot control, but it gets so frustrating when I don't have that control. I like to reflect on my life a lot and I'm very grateful for my life and my family. I wish others could be as happy, I mean truly happy. For me, it doesn't take much to make me happy. It's the simple things in life that I cherish.

I think when a family member feels down, I feel down and most of all, helpless. I'm just frustrated. Life happens and we go on, but I don't like the 'dark clouds' above. And this too shall pass...I'm hoping it will pass soon and the sun will shine and that will help the moods, right?! For now, I will just smile in the fake sun.

My Photos Above

I keep forgetting that I changed the pictures above on my blog, thanks to my great friend and Sistah. So thought I should explain each picture.

The first one, I've had previously, my referral picture from Korea when I was going to be adopted. I was 4 1/2 years old. I use this picture for all my profile pictures; this blog, Facebook, Twitter, email, etc. I love this picture for some reason, I'm not sure why. I guess I look into this little girl's face and can see all the questions running thru her head. And then there's that little bit of a smile, trying to look happy or the puppy look of 'pick me, pick me'. You can't really tell how small I am at this age from looking at this picture.

That is why I post the second picture, the little jacket. I've talked about this jacket also on my blog. This jacket is the only thing I had with me when I was adopted for the second time 15 months later. I was 5 1/2 years old and was the size of a two year old. I cherish this jacket. It's a reminder for me of yet another chance at life.

The next picture is of me and my husband in Korea in 2006. We are honoring Harry and Bertha Holt at their graves at Ilsan. This place means so much to me. I feel so honored every time I am there and can give thanks to Harry and Bertha for their love and faith. To have shared this trip with my husband was truly amazing. I know it touched him greatly too.

Leave it up to me being cheesey in the next picture with my husband. And I am the one that hates having pictures taken. We were heading up to the temple in Korea during the family tour. This picture makes me smile every time I look at it. It was raining, obvious, but we were walking hand in hand sharing the walk up the long path and feeling on top of the world. My husband is very attentive to me and is always making sure I am taken care of, he is my knight in shining armor.

The last picture, my entire family in Korea along with my youngest daughter's foster parents. Two families joined together after 11 years. A trip of a lifetime and one that I will treasure forever.

To My Husband

20 Years of Marriage

I can’t believe it’s been 20 years of our marriage. Seems like just yesterday when we were so in awe of one another at the end of 8th grade; flirting, smiling, trying to be close to each other without being obvious. Then came the endless phone conversations, you riding your bike to my house, walking to your house and back to mine. We were only brave enough to hold hands, nothing more.

We grew up together, went thru so much together, yet living our own separate lives with our families and trying to grow as individuals. It was tough for you watching me in my family as I clung to ‘normalcy’ hanging with your family.
We had our ups and downs, but that was normal as teenagers. We shared everything with each other, we shared our dreams. You stayed by my side thru it all. Then came time for college and grow even more as individuals. We went our separate ways our first year, but still together in our hearts. It was a year of growth and figuring out who we were as individuals, yet we still belonged to one another, we made it.

We knew we wanted to be with each other for the rest of our lives, our biggest dream of all. We made it happen.

Now 20 years later, here we are, living our dream that we dreamed at such young ages. And what a 20 years it has been. We’ve lived our marriage vows to the letter:
“…Will you love her/him(for a lifetime), and comfort her/him(always), honor(in the highest regards) and keep her/him(forever in our hearts), in sickness(we struggled thru sickness, mainly for me, but we made it and even stronger now) and in health(we celebrate health for us and our beautiful children), for richer(we made our dreams come true, tho it was hard, we did it), for poorer(we have had some of our greatest memories struggling with being ‘poor’), for better(we always strived to be better and we did it working as a team), for worse(the struggles were rough, but we made sure to re-focus and get back to each other and our priorities), forsaking all others(we’ve always kept to ourselves and done things for ourselves), as long as you both shall live? (And beyond, we were meant to be together, God knew it and with our combined faith in Him and in one another, we will be with one another forever and ever, Amen.)

We are lucky enough to be able to say, “And they lived happily ever after.” Thank you for all of the great years, prior to the 20 years and way more to come.

All My Love and More, ~Kim

Speaking of Sweden and Norway

I am amazed at the amount of Korean adoptees in both of these countries. On my first trip to Korea in 2005, I was in shock to meet so many adoptees from Sweden and Norway. I'm not sure why I hadn't thought of other countries adopting Korean children. I actually met a very nice adoptee from Norway. We were both escorting babies home to their forever families after the trip. We kept in touch for a few months, even when she came to the United States to work at Disney World, but then I never heard from her again.

I have known I've wanted to travel to Norway and Sweden and here was a little link, but now that we've lost touch, now what? I know there has to adoptee groups in both of these countries, guess I will have to do some searching. I've always said it's a small world so one never knows what will happen.

Sweden and Norway

I have talked plenty of my 'Motherland' thru/out my blog, but having had some interesting responses about culture, I do need to start thinking about my husband's heritage. He is half Swedish, half Norwegian. Not that I have never thought about his heritage, I actually incorporate more of the Swedish culture into my cooking than I do the Korean side. I don't even cook any Korean dishes.

With two biological children, I have said we need to take a motherland tour for my husband's side of the family. And this, you know I will make happen. I'm just not sure how to begin, where to begin, but it will happen in two years. I'm really looking forward to this trip, I love to travel and how exciting to show our children another part of their heritage!

The question of exposing our children to their heritage, is it enough? If we don't take it too seriously, I think it is enough. It should be in a fun atmosphere. We aren't going to be able to give 100% of their culture to them unless we live in the actual country and immerse ourselves into the culture. We don't need to do that to appreciate who we are. Our heritage is the part that makes us look like we do, it doesn't have to define us. I say that about everything in life. We are labeled everyday, but we don't have to have those labels define us.

Our life experiences will define us; how we choose to handle these life experiences will define us; how we see ourselves will define us. Is it nature or nurture? It's both, I've lived both and why fight either one?

Reminiscing

Yesterday, I was reminiscing(was even proud of myself that I could spell, 'reminiscing' correctly the first time). There are so many life moments that I can reminisce about and then a good friend reminded me of one of them. I hadn't remembered that moment until she mentioned it, tho it did take me awhile to remember what the heck she was talking about.

When we were 'younger' and our kids were younger, we planned vacations with this family. We had quite the adventures with them and so many great laughs. The one memory that I had forgotten about during one of our trips was when I got stung by a wasp while in bed, that's right, I was in bed already!

I felt the sting and I told my husband that I had just been stung by a bee! He looked at me like I was crazy because I got stung right on the bum! I know, how does that happen in bed? But it did. We turned on the lights, inspected the 'sting area' that hadn't shown anything...yet. I could tell my hubby was still thinking I had lost it. We turned on the lights, looked around desperately for this so called bee. Finally, I looked at the lamp on the side of my bed and there it was, inside the lamp shade, I wasn't going crazy!

My hubby got in his hero mode and went after the bee(by then we figured out it was a wasp). Darn it, he missed getting it and now it was flying around the room. Imagine the two of us walking around the room looking for this wasp. So how do you get a wasp that is flying around? Grab your weapon, yep, a rolled up sock. My hubby begins throwing the rolled up sock everytime he saw the wasp. It was funny, but I was beginning to feel the affects of the sting so I couldn't help. Finally, my hero got the wasp!

As it came time to wind down and go back to bed, my sting area was increasing in size and getting hotter. Now what do we do? We never planned for something like this. So we got some ice and I had to sleep(try to)with the ice pack.

In the morning, the sting area had grown into another bum cheek, really. I react to stings of any kind and this one was huge! And boy was it super hot, I mean temperature hot. When we saw our friends and told them what had happened, they told us they were wondering what we were doing in the middle of the night because they had heard us walking around the room. All they could do was laugh and we all laughed together. There's nothing like sharing your big butt amongst friends!

Needless to say, I refused to sleep in that same bedroom again so we moved to another bedroom. It was a rough night only because the sting area was bigger and hotter than ever. So much for being able to wear my bikini for the rest of the vacation!