How Strong is my Faith?

I've been struggling with how strong my faith really is. A tragic event occurred with a family (not mine, but still touched my life) where the father murdered his entire family, his wife and four young children, then eventually killed himself.

The funeral was held on Saturday. I was asked if I was going to attend. First of all, the place is a far drive from here and secondly, I didn't agree with holding the memorial service for ALL family members together, with the father included. Both extended families came to agree that the family would be together at the services and that they would be buried together. They had forgiven the father and wanted everyone to remember them as the family they 'were' not for the tragic ending.

They were able to forgive the father, I don't think I can be that forgiving. If it weren't for the father, there would have been no need for the funerals. And he committed a sin, not only with murdering five innocent people, but also committing suicide. So what comes first? My faith in forgiving or my belief in the ten commandments in which includes 'thou shall not kill'? And hearing the details of the brutal murders and the extent the father went to still haunts me. I find myself thinking about it every night as I am trying to go to sleep, it sickens me and it makes me so angry.

So does not being able to forgive make me a bad person or that my beliefs are fake? I don't think so personally. I believe 'an eye for an eye'. The father doesn't deserve to be with his family for eternity in my eyes. May the mother of her precious little angels live their lives with God in eternal happiness and joy, the way they were meant to live and the way He intended. Amen.

Just another Manic Monday...

It's the last day in March and 'April showers bring May flowers.'..and 'it is raining cats and dogs' here...How many quotes can I say in one sentence?!! It's Monday, the start of the week and my teenager has to start it off for me with complaining and whining about her current prom dress we bought in Hawaii!! Apparently it's not pretty enough now. It won't make her look beautiful for her boyfriend because it's not 'form fitting'....what?? Why the heck even buy the dress in Hawaii in the first place then? She wants a dress from the store Black/White. Won't other girls have the same dress then? Her response, 'It's a huge prom!'. No kidding, but the dress from Hawaii is less likely to be the same as buying one from a local store.

She says she will buy the dress herself, uhhh we control her allowance. Things we buy for her because she just loves them, she either never wears or she only wears once. So why would we want to keep this same pattern? Do we ever learn? Parents out there, you know our pain right? So what do we do...

She leaves by saying goodbye to her younger sister and nothing to me. Then she texts me from school saying she is sorry for just walking out. I text her back saying thank you for the apology. I can't win, she texts back saying my response sounded mean. I don't even respond back to that one.

Great way to start my week huh? And to think, we will be spending an entire week in NYC 24/7 as one big happy family starting Saturday...

Do Men Really Grow Up?

I don't think so and that isn't a slam at all. I'm talking about my hubby. I was busy this morning being a techno geek connecting all the electronics (for the third time) in our family room (I am very particular about this stuff and I actually enjoy it) and I read an email from my hubby asking if I want to see a Yankees game Sunday afternoon or Monday night. 'What??' was my reply, I seriously had no clue what he was talking about. I am not a baseball fan, my hubby's not that big of a baseball fan so I was not sure what he was talking about, a date at home watching baseball?? Not my idea of a date.

He clarified it by saying when we are in NYC....oh!! Now that makes sense! I do have our week planned out, a couple of shows, a taping of Regis and Kelly and of course, the all important, SHOPPING!! Never did I think of a baseball game! Come to find out (of course my hubby told me) this is the final year for the Yankees in their current stadium. I think only men knew this tidbit of information. So the planner that I am got on it and got tickets to see the Yankees play and be a part of history. Wow!

So, I just received another email from my hubby stating he is so excited!! That proves it, men really don't grow up do they, the little boy in them will always come out! I'm happy tho to be able to make his day and have him be so excited about goin to a baseball game!! Stay tuned, you know I will be blogging about our trip!!

Sadness and Happiness at the same time?

Sadness has been in my heart this week, not directly related to my own family, but nonetheless, my 'family'. I can't go into detail, but trust me, it is so sad. I don't understand things like this happening, I get so mad too. Life is so unfair.

Then I hear news of happiness. It has been awhile since a baby has come home to his or her forever family. Next week, two babies are doing just that, coming home to their FAMILY. One is a baby that I saw while I was in Korea in December, now that is Amazing Grace huh? I am always so thrilled to see babies and parents united as a family.

So with the feeling of tremendous sadness this week, I also have the feeling of great happiness. For both, I will continue to pray. Please join me.

Progress...

I am pooped! May not look like much, BUT trust me, clearing off my shelf and taking pictures of every pair of shoes...I'm done for the day, but I am very proud of myself! I have one more shoe bin to sort thru, but ran out of plastic totes...tells me I have way too many pairs of shoes...what??? Did I just say that??!!!!!!! Whoa, I must be tired!! (I did get rid of some shoes though)

First Day of Spring!

We are going to have a beautiful first day of spring here, what a wonderful way to start the new season! So many people have spring fever, I am not one of them, but the new season has brought about the feeling of needing to do some major spring cleaning! I am back into my orgainized mode(not that I ever leave it)but I am talking about my closet, my 'to do' papers, and my house.

Those that have seen my house, you know I like to have things in their place, including all the miscellaneous junk; ie: the little junk drawers I have in my kitchen cupboard. I ordered plastic totes for my shoes...yes dear, I am going to organize my shoes!! I have three shoe organizers in my closet, but sad to say, they are all full so I am going to try this method. And I will go a step further and buy a polaroid camera and take pictures of my shoes to put on the outside of each tote. This is a tough method for me, I hate spending money on myself so this entails buying all the plastic totes and the camera. But for the sake of being organized, I can and will do it!! I know my hubby will THANK me for it too. He's been so good about cleaning his side(ok, corner)of our closet.

We are also going high tech for our family room. Took me awhile for me to spend the money, BUT I finally found the tv stand I wanted and I pushed 'enter' and bought it! I know that was the reason why I didn't do this sooner, I had a picture of what I wanted and I don't like to settle anymore. SO I am very excited about this new upgrade, my family is also excited that I finally pushed 'enter' too!

I shoud probably explain what I mean by pushing 'enter'. I am the queen of online shopping, I have been for quite sometime. So when I go shopping online, I have a tough time finalizing the purchase(means spending money)so I can't push the 'enter' button. Everytime I shop, I freeze when it comes to this part so by the time I talk myself into it or I get my hubby's approval, my session always times out so I have to start all over again!! I am getting so much better though and not hesitating as much, but my mindset has taken me quite a lot of years to change.

Spring is here, I love watching nature come to life! I know I have come out of the winter dull drums so watch out, when I organize, I go all out! And yes, I will push 'enter'!!!!!!!!!!

The Secret Life of a Soccer Mom

So this is actually the title of a new show on TLC. I have yet to watch an entire episode. I try to think what 'career' I would do for this show. At one time, I wanted to try my hand at being a police officer. I think that is the episode tonight. Another time, I wanted to try my hand at catering.

Today, I am a full time soccer mom. I have been for 17 years! And when I think about my three kids, there is NO way I could have a full-time career. This morning, the typical Monday morning, my teenaged son took the wrong sweat pants for his track practice. Then I got a call from my 9 year old saying she forgot her math homework at home...So off I went to deliver the math homework and sweats.

When I dropped off the sweats, another mom was doing the exact same thing and we had to laugh, there was a pile of sacks for that very same reason!! I asked the other mom how our kids would manage if we weren't available to run their things up to the schools...I'm not sure, but guess the kids would have to do without huh? Would that teach them to remember their things though? I don't think so, all kids keep forgetting things so I guess I had better get used to it and be thankful I can take things forgotten up to them!

I am updating my family's calendar for the week and if I had a full-time job, there is no way I would be able to keep my sanity. Some things are winding down for my two daughters, but spring is approaching with soccer season for my son and now he's going to try track at school.

Spring soccer comes cold, I mean COLD game times! I took my two younger kids to watch the first game of the varsity soccer team at the high school last Friday. I reminded both of them that this was spring soccer and spring soccer is the coldest sport! 'Yeah, yeah mom...' is what I heard. Each grabbed a sweatshirt, I grabbed a blanket....thank goodness!

Why go to this game then? I wanted my son to watch the older boys since he is so into soccer. Plus the fact that my oldest daughter's boyfriend is also on the team, we wanted to support him. So another mom asks me why I am there and I told her it was because to watch him play. She said, 'So besides having to go to our own kids' events, we have to go to our kids' boyfriend/girlfriend's events too?' This mom also has three kids and all play soccer. I guess I never thought of it that way that we attend other events because of the boyfriend/girlfriend factor. But we did go to all the football games and basketball games, why? Because the boyfriend played both sports(besides the fact our daughter cheered at these games too). It worked out nicely then to see both!!

We don't mind going to the extra sporting events, because we LIKE this boyfriend! He's a great guy and it's our way of showing our support for him(and their relationship).

I am a soccer mom and I don't have a secret life, I don't have time!! I'm actually doing what I want to be doing anyway, being a mom and spreading the mission I believe in.

Pay it Forward

I thought yesterday was going to be a relaxing and not so harried day, well it didn't turn out quite so tranquil. As I was looking forward to my lunch out, I received a call and that started it...now I'm running a tad late for my lunch!

My organizing an event for next month has taken up quite a bit of my time, but the light at the end of the tunnel came yesterday, or so I thought. The call I received before lunch threw that all out the window. Did I have to start all over again?

I had a nice lunch so went to the grocery store for a few things my family needed. My brain was continuously thinking of ways to solve the dilema of the plans I had thought were done. So much has been happening around me lately and most of it has been very sad and then put this on top of it and I was trying desperately to think positive.

As I am waiting in line to check out, I made small talk with the cashier and the lady ahead of me and something came over me to say, 'let's turn this day around and really think positive' so I decided to pay for the lady's groceries ahead of me. Of course she insisted that I didn't need to do that, but I insisted back and told her to have a great day and enjoy the rest of her week. It was a very beautiful day out too and so many people have been complaining about our winter(I'm not one of them as I love winter)and I am tired of people complaining...the calendar still says 'winter', let's not rush it.

Truth be told, the lady's groceries total cost was only $9.00, but it wasn't about the total. I've never done anything like this, I've never been brave enough but with all that has been going on around me, I have really focused on my family and how blessed we are and I just wanted to pay it forward. I want people to start looking at all their blessings, however big or small and truly appreciate them. I know it's been tough out there with today's economy, people's health, and family situations, but I hope more people will start paying it forward and appreciate some of the little things in life. I have made it a point to thank people for their efforts and hope they, in turn, will pay it forward in any form.

"Mom Sense"

Funny what comes out of the mouths of babes...as I am sitting with my youngest daughter before school, I smell something not too pleasant in the kitchen, but my daughter can't smell it. She says to me, "Maybe because it's your 'mom sense' that you can smell it and I can't".

I think she is right. I always talk about my sixth sense to my family and I think they finally believe me that I do have this 'mom sense'. It freaks my family members when I say or do something and it happens. This sense isn't anything paranormal, I think we all have this ability. Some of us just have our senses on higher sensitivity mode and I believe most moms do.

Moms are able to multi-task and still hear the kids talking to dad when dad isn't listening! No, I am not 'dad bashing' at all. I have a wonderful husband and he is a wonderful dad to our children. I'm just talking about how there is something inside us mothers that we feel so much more than what is happening at the moment.

I'm so glad for my mom sense, I consider it my common sense and therefore, makes me the mom I am today, maybe not the greatest, but I try my best!

How does 18 years...

Feel like 26 years?!! Because that is how long my hubby and I have been together!! Today is our 18th wedding anniversay though we started dating when we were 14 years old!! OMG, that is so young when I think of my son being 14!! And to tell you the truth, girls scare me nowadays so I am very protective of my son. He doesn't have a girlfriend right now, but oh gee...scares me, he doesn't know about girls enough to be ready. Do I sound like a mom or what?!! I just know how girls were when I was 14 so to think of girls today...yikes!

So how will we celebrate our anniversary today? Just like any other day because it is Monday, but have no fear! We were able to celebrate Saturday. We went and saw Mama Mia at the Orpheum at the matinee. We had missed this show when it was originally here and heard it was a fun show to see, so I took the opportunity to order the tickets when I heard it was coming back! Little did I know how good I was at planning...we got front row seats and almost directly centerstage too! The seats were great, more than great! We had a good laugh over having front row seats, as when my hubby planned a date to see Rent, we ended up in the very last row of the entire Orpheum theater and the cast members looked like ants, literally, but the music was awesome! Shows how far we have come in 18 years...we always talk about the good ole days and the days when we were broke!! Makes us appreciate what we have today.

After a great show, and we recommend to everyone you see this show(even if you don't like ABBA songs)we went out to dinner. What a nice, quiet celebration dinner and we got a dessert free in honor of our anniversary. So from what I ordered, which was a three course meal, we ended up with two desserts...yikes I was full! But it was all delicious!

If a show and dinner weren't enough, we then went to a movie!! Wow, that is unreal for us to have this much time on our hands to go out for an entire day, evening, and night date! It was so nice to be alone together for this length of time. I think from this week on, our alone time will be few and far between so we truly enjoyed ourselves. It was a great way to celebrate our 26 years together, a.k.a. our 18th wedding anniversary!

Now on with our busy week...along with me coughing...ugh! When will I stop getting sick?!!!!

Quote

Uplifting quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson (thanks to my brother in law for sharing):

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."

Draining...

I cried a lot yesterday. So much that my eyes were very, very dry. I cried for my friends; I cried for what was happening; I cried for the loss; I cried for the other family members that mean so much to me. I cried so much that I was tired even before noon. Emotionally, I still hurt for my friends; my heart still breaks for them; I still ask 'why'. I've had to pray very hard, really, really hard. I've had to dig deep into my faith, trust in God and let Him do his deed. But gosh darn it, sometimes that is so hard to do! I know life isn't always fair (I don't like that one bit) but I know God has a plan for all of us.