I've been struggling with how strong my faith really is. A tragic event occurred with a family (not mine, but still touched my life) where the father murdered his entire family, his wife and four young children, then eventually killed himself.
The funeral was held on Saturday. I was asked if I was going to attend. First of all, the place is a far drive from here and secondly, I didn't agree with holding the memorial service for ALL family members together, with the father included. Both extended families came to agree that the family would be together at the services and that they would be buried together. They had forgiven the father and wanted everyone to remember them as the family they 'were' not for the tragic ending.
They were able to forgive the father, I don't think I can be that forgiving. If it weren't for the father, there would have been no need for the funerals. And he committed a sin, not only with murdering five innocent people, but also committing suicide. So what comes first? My faith in forgiving or my belief in the ten commandments in which includes 'thou shall not kill'? And hearing the details of the brutal murders and the extent the father went to still haunts me. I find myself thinking about it every night as I am trying to go to sleep, it sickens me and it makes me so angry.
So does not being able to forgive make me a bad person or that my beliefs are fake? I don't think so personally. I believe 'an eye for an eye'. The father doesn't deserve to be with his family for eternity in my eyes. May the mother of her precious little angels live their lives with God in eternal happiness and joy, the way they were meant to live and the way He intended. Amen.
1 comment:
Forgiveness takes time. It does not make us bad when we can't forgive right away. We never know the whole picture. However we can trust that there is someone who does, and that is God. Thank goodness He is the one that decides who to forgive and when.
He only asks us to forgive because He knows it will helps us. It helps us to not let the tragedy continue to poison and canker our souls. It releases the sickness and the darkness in our souls that blots out the Light of His love.
Peace and understanding only comes when we can move past the anger and let go of the sadness. That all takes time. I read the story and it is a tragedy no matter which way you look at it. Everyone lost.
I can only figure (having had first hand experience with close family with mental affective disorders) that there must have been something seriously amiss. People who suffer from a mental disturbance often do things totally out of character. If they are desperate enough it affects their thinking, distorting it, twisting it, and allowing evil to enter. A tortured mind is a sad thing and we never know what or how they see their crazed world.
However we can all feel the cleansing gift of the atonement, thanks to the Savior . He has set the example for us to follow when He forgave those who tortured Him to death.
It is a sad, senseless, grieving circumstance when young lives are snuffed out by violence. Our only hope is to ask for help from Him who created us, in coming to terms with the tragedies in our lives. He is the giver of peace, when we need it. I know He lives and has the power to comfort you in this terrible time. May His peace rest upon you and cleanse your soul and fill it with hope and light.
Our pain helps us to contribute to this earth.
When I have walked through my Gethsemane's in life I have had to remind myself of some of these thoughts and quotes.
We do not know the Master until we have walked in the shoes of pain, and when we have, we have gained a relationship with Him, that surpasses all our previous understanding of who He really is.
The comfort and peace that He brings into our hearts sustains us through our trials, and brings us hope.
You know you have healed, when your ability to manage the trauma / grief is greater that's it's power or ability to manage you.
A prayer; "please help me to see or find the positive outcome and what I will gain from this experience. "
Horrible things that happen are not bad (and not caused by God,) though they may be extremely painful, difficult, awful, and heart breaking.
The question is?
What do I do with it now? What do I learn from it?
Sending hugs, so you can have good cry (remember from the diaphragm so you don't get a headache)
Love your Sistah in UTah
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