An Adoptee Forgives

I have written about my adoption journey and how I came to be here in the United States. I wrote about the physical abuse I endured for 15 months from my first family.

When I was about 15 years old, I found my kindergarten report card sitting on our dining room table. I looked at my name and on it, my former last name was crossed out 'Hansen' and my new last name was written in 'Anderson'. Now why is this so monumental? Because at the time, I was dating a person with the last name, 'Hanson' and I married him. Just please notice the 'sen' and 'son', big difference, seriously.

After my third trip to Korea in 2006, I decided to do some research on Google for my first family. I have known my last name was Hansen for quite sometime now. Prior to the Motherland Tour, I had received all of my adoption papers from the adoption agency. The spark for my curiosity, on the front page of my papers, there it was, a full name written in pencil with the last name of Hansen. I knew immediately that was the father's name. So here went nothing...Google, don't let me down now...

The person's name came up with a list of possible relatives so I looked up each of the relatives and the names continued to be the same. So there it was, the name and address and phone number of this person. I looked at the ages so thought maybe these were the grandparents. So I threw caution to the wind and dialed the one number on my screen. I was hoping this person would have a connection to my first family.

I dialed the number, the phone was ringing...someone answered, a female. I must have known who it was for some reason, my mother. Here is the conversation:
Me: "This may sound crazy, but did you adopt a little girl from Korea in 1971?"
Her: "Yes".
Me: "Did you have to giver her up?"
Her: Silence..."Yes".
Me: "I think I am that little girl".
Her: Silence
Me: "I just wanted to thank you and your husband for you are the ones responsible for bringing me to the United States."
Her: "Yes, we did."
Me: "I have thanked you in my heart for all these years and have always wanted to thank you."
Her: Silence
Me: "I wanted to let you know that if you ever thought of me, I am doing just fine and living a wonderful life with my own family."
Her: "That's good."
Me: "I also wanted you to know that I never held any anger or resentment towards you."
Her: Silence
Me: "I am able to volunteer and give back to the adoption agency I was adopted thru to give back."
Her: "I do a lot of volunteering too."
Me: "I live in Omaha, Nebraska."
Her: "I have a sister in Blair." (small world huh?)
Me: "How is your husband?"
Her: "He's right here, he's doing fine, we're old you know." (at this moment in time, they were ages 80 and 81) I could picture him sitting in that easy chair again.
Me: "Could you please tell him about me and that I am living a happy life."
Her: "I will."
Me: "Could you also tell my siblings if they ever thought about me, that I am living a happy life."
Her: "I will, they are ages 40-52." (four siblings)
Me: "If they would like my contact information, could you please give it to them."
Her: "I will."
Her: "I still have pictures of you, I should send them to you."
Me: "That would be great, I would really like that." (knowing full well I would never see them)
Me: "Well, that was why I called, to thank you."
Her: "Thank you, we never knew what happened to you, we thought you were sent back to Korea."
Me: "No, I was adopted by another family in Minnesota and had a great life."
Her: "Oh."
Me: "Okay, thank you, have a great day."
Her: "Okay, goodbye."

I couldn't believe I remained so calm. But all along, I was thinking of how I would have felt on the other end of the line. A few months later, I wrote her and sent her a picture of my family with a note saying this was the best accomplishment of my life. I never heard back from her, I never received any pictures from her. I knew I wouldn't.

I knew I would never hear an apology from the mother, but that wasn't the reason for the call. I just hope that after she heard from me, she could find peace within herself and be truthful about what she did since she has my forgiveness.